I think you can’t really tell about attraction without spending time in person.

But it doesn’t sound like your visions of your future life are compatible. You might, for instance, prefer to work part time and put kids in a good Catholic school or a public school in a good neighborhood rather than homeschooling.
Either of you might change your minds, but your current goals aren’t that close to each other.

Combine that with the intellectual incompatibility, and it doesn’t sound like a good match.

Another thought–if you were married to this guy and homeschooling, the lack of intellectual compatibility would be particularly difficult to deal with, as he would be your primary in-person adult companionship. If you were married to him and working as a nurse, the lack of intellectual compatibility might be somewhat less burdensome, as he wouldn’t need to be your primary contact with the adult world.

How set is he on the homeschooling?

I had already sent him an email (last night) stating I did not think we were a great match… I explained it a bit but more in what I am looking for (doing a Masters myself someday).

He is pretty set on how he wants to live his life - woman must come to his city, have children, stay at home, home school the children, and he doesn’t want internet/tv. As much as I love the US, that sounds really isolated from my family and all my friends. It sounds like his main social group is his family - his sister, his mom, his dad, and his niece. So that sounds even more lonely, especially since he’s the only Catholic in his family. I think he’ll make a great husband for another woman :slight_smile:

I’m not so sure it’s fair to say you have a superficial nature. We Catholics have never said that looks don’t matter to some degree. Men are more visual than women, maybe, but appeal of the body is a component in the whole mix; the catechism even says so in one paragraph. I forget which one.

Ay yay yay!

I think it’s a little ironic that he’s meeting you and communicating with you via the internet, but doesn’t want want internet in his future home.

He may be a really good guy, but for somebody else.

Well, I can only put in my :twocents: about the guy’s “plan”.

Education of children and how the household will work should be something that is discussed between the spouses, not part of a list of demands that a man makes.

So, I think it is extremely unrealistic and selfish for a man (or woman) to have a list of demands that they make to any prospective spouse. What ever happened to respecting the other persons wishes!


Plus, both spouses need flexibility in dealing with the unforeseen: health problems, unemployment, financial setbacks, a parent’s disability, a child’s disability, etc. Both need to be willing to adjust their plans to deal with life as it comes–their duty should be toward their actual spouse and their actual children and their actual needs, not toward a particular family model.

and working together as a team. very good point.

Sexual attraction may be seen as superficial, but it is the magnet that brings couples together. Few people, I think, would build relationships, or marry, without a strong attraction to their partner.

In my view, this sexual attraction is a good thing, in that it is the foundation upon which family life is constructed.


Thank you.


You seem like a good woman with a good head on your shoulders. Sometimes, these online discussions with someone you could be interested in dating are good to have before meeting in person (like schooling, places, personality differences, etc.), and it looks like you and your potential male friend did just that. Sometimes, it’s good to bring up things like that on sites such as Ave Maria Singles and Catholic Match (I speak from experience).

However, I will say attraction is different for a woman than it is for a man. Some women after a while will become more attracted to a man who treats her with respect, a man who can carry on a conversation, and particularly a man who is able to make a woman laugh (women I have known tell me that humor is important). My mother wasn’t physically attracted to my father at first (at least that’s what she told me many years ago), and they have been married now for 52 years.

Second, I wouldn’t let height go too much into consideration. I have had some women who are 5’-8" or taller tell me that height is an issue. I can understand if a woman is say, 5’-9" or taller that she would want to date a man who is at least 6’-0". That way, it’s easier for her to wear heels and do some slow dancing. One woman I know who is 5’-11" got married recently and she confided in me years ago that she felt more protected with a taller man.

Personally, I think if a woman is say, average height (which I believe is 5’-4"), please don’t hesitate to go out with a man with a good personality who is say, 5’-7". I know several couples where the woman is about the same height as the man, and some where the woman is a few inches taller. Quite frankly, my brother’s wife is 3 inches taller than him, and they have been married 15+ years. I have a female co-worker who has a slightly shorter husband, and she doesn’t mind wearing flats from time to time, even though his height doesn’t bother him very much - he is a successful man, deeply religious, and he is also athletic.

By the way, I am a guy who has dated a few girls that were taller than me, and I was really flattered that a woman I met online (and later met in person) didn’t mind the fact that I was about 3 cm shorter than her. (I’m 5’-5" without shoes, and I can make eye contact with a lady who is around 5’-7".). Personally, I’m uncomfortable asking out someone who is over 5’-8", and I’ve had a few girlfriends who were under 5’-4".

Canadiannurse, it’s just something to think about - that’s all. You do seem like you have a good head on your shoulders, and I’m sure you will find a nice Catholic man to marry.

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