Avoiding Lust


#1

Hi,

I honestly avoid women because it often happens that it leads to lust and the near occasion of sin. I have never had sex, because I know it is wrong to do so with someone you are not married to. But I have often fallen into pornography. Usually it happens when I have a conversation with a young woman who is attractive and I start fantasizing about her. How can I avoid this without having to avoid women completely?

Joshua


#2

It's a very difficult thing to do and something that many of us need to work on. Praying to our Holy Mother definitely helped me a lot. And when you catch yourself beginning to lust you have to stop yourself immediately, remind yourself of how wrong lust is, appreciate the fact that God created such a beautiful being, and then move on. Another method I use is saying 5 Hail Mary's every time I encounter any type of sexual temptation.


#3

[quote="trmyjs, post:2, topic:253423"]
It's a very difficult thing to do and something that many of us need to work on. Praying to our Holy Mother definitely helped me a lot. And when you catch yourself beginning to lust you have to stop yourself immediately, remind yourself of how wrong lust is, appreciate the fact that God created such a beautiful being, and then move on. Another method I use is saying 5 Hail Mary's every time I encounter any type of sexual temptation.

[/quote]

Yea, I'm going to have to start saying more Hail Mary's. I stopped doing it, because I didn't really know what I was doing. It didn't seem to be helping me and I figured I must have been praying the wrong way. Do you have any advice on how to pray the Hail Mary. I just don't feel like it is a conversation with Mary at all when I repeat Hail Mary's to her.


#4

[quote="joshrp, post:3, topic:253423"]
Do you have any advice on how to pray the Hail Mary..

[/quote]

I'm sorry but I really don't have any great advice on this. I'm still somewhat new to it myself. Hopefully somebody else can shed more light on the subject, but I'll share the little advice I have.

Sometimes slowing it down and really feeling, meaning, and reflecting upon the words can help. This goes for any prayer. And keep in mind that the best way to Jesus' heart is through the intercession of Mary. I often picture a loving Mother talking sweetly to her Son when I ask Mary to intercede. Also, Mary's purity, obedience, trust, and other holy traits give me strength and inspiration when I pray the Rosary.

One thing you may want to try is being open with Mary. Just tell her how you feel like prayers to her in the past haven't felt the way they should and ask her to help you change that.


#5

[quote="joshrp, post:3, topic:253423"]
I just don't feel like it is a conversation with Mary at all when I repeat Hail Mary's to her.

[/quote]

Then just have a conversation with her. Repetitive prayer does not work for everyone. There's nothing wrong with free prayer. Just start having a chat with her "Hi Mary, I'm finding this girl here really attractive, but I don't want this to descend into lust. Please help me."


#6

Pray a daily rosary, and wear a scapular 24/7. It really does work wonders (I had the same problem and now I'm free :) ), also block web sites that you use for porn. Even though you can unlock them its another step in stopping the urge. Know that every time this happens its not the womans fault so I wouldn't avoid them. You just need to fight it every time. Never give up! Pray to God often, and work your hardest to overcome it and I'm sure you will :)

You'll be in my prayers!


#7

A very short prayer that can be helpful in any situation where we are flustered and upset and therefore have a hard time concentrating on a longer prayer, is simply, "Jesus mercy, Mary help." Or "Guardian Angel, help me." The Our Father is also good, or just a section, "Deliver me from evil, O Lord."


#8

[quote="joshrp, post:1, topic:253423"]
Hi,

I honestly avoid women because it often happens that it leads to lust and the near occasion of sin. I have never had sex, because I know it is wrong to do so with someone you are not married to. But I have often fallen into pornography. Usually it happens when I have a conversation with a young woman who is attractive and I start fantasizing about her. How can I avoid this without having to avoid women completely?

Joshua

[/quote]

I'm not a male so I don't know how to help in regards to getting rid of lust, but I wonder if you might not need some special help, especially if you've developed a problem with pornography. I'm pretty sure most males are able to go about in the world without viewing every female they see as a "missed opportunity". Perhaps it would help to remind yourself that the girl you are leering at is a human being made in God's image. At any rate, it's good that you are striving to lead a chaste life and I'm sure that with the help of God, you will find someone you truely love.


#9

[quote="underacloud, post:5, topic:253423"]
Then just have a conversation with her. Repetitive prayer does not work for everyone. There's nothing wrong with free prayer. Just start having a chat with her "Hi Mary, I'm finding this girl here really attractive, but I don't want this to descend into lust. Please help me."

[/quote]

Haha, I just burst out laughing when I read this. I don't know why though.


#10

[quote="Allegra, post:8, topic:253423"]
I'm not a male so I don't know how to help in regards to getting rid of lust, but I wonder if you might not need some special help, especially if you've developed a problem with pornography. I'm pretty sure most males are able to go about in the world without viewing every female they see as a "missed opportunity". Perhaps it would help to remind yourself that the girl you are leering at is a human being made in God's image. At any rate, it's good that you are striving to lead a chaste life and I'm sure that with the help of God, you will find someone you truely love.

[/quote]

Well, you know, also, I have been afraid of women lusting after me. I don't like to think this is true, because I don't think I am particularly attractive, but I know I am a good person, and this can attract people too. I just don't want myself to become infatuated with anyone, and I don't want anyone to become infatuated with me, just for sexual reasons.


#11

I would advise getting a Catholic screensaver for your computer/phone. Feeling tempted? Boom! Jesus in your face! :p
Get yourself a scapular and a miraculous medal, and a rosary....Just put on the armor of God man! :highprayer: Say the rosary every day/night. If you always feel more tempted in the night (I always do), say the rosary at night, make it a habit! Go to confession every week (that's what I do)! Never take Communion when you have fallen! And soon, you will be lasting longer, and being holier!:getholy:
Pray the Rosary, pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet, they help! I'm living proof!

God be with you! (Incidently, abbreviated today as Good Bye:) )


#12

[quote="PatsBreastplate, post:11, topic:253423"]
I would advise getting a Catholic screensaver for your computer/phone. Feeling tempted? Boom! Jesus in your face! :p
Get yourself a scapular and a miraculous medal, and a rosary....Just put on the armor of God man! :highprayer: Say the rosary every day/night. If you always feel more tempted in the night (I always do), say the rosary at night, make it a habit! Go to confession every week (that's what I do)! Never take Communion when you have fallen! And soon, you will be lasting longer, and being holier!:getholy:
Pray the Rosary, pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet, they help! I'm living proof!

God be with you! (Incidently, abbreviated today as Good Bye:) )

[/quote]

I tried wearing the scapular before but at the time it was almost like I was wearing it in a superstitious way so I don't think it was helping me. I might start wearing one again. Only thing is I hate the way it feels. I don't like wearing jewelry or necklaces or rings or anything like that. I had a St. Benedict's crucifix with some saints medals on a necklace but I just sort of stopped wearing it. Maybe I will again. I will when I'm ready. I'll work up to it. The medals I had on the necklace were of Blessed John Paul II, St. Joan of Arc, St Anne, and a Miraculous medal, all my favorite saints.

Thank you for your advice, and your prayers. I honestly had stopped going to church for a while, and I just decided to start talking on these forums and now I am ready to go back again. Sometimes it can feel like you are banging your head against a wall, and Church doesn't seem to be working. But anyways, I'm going to keep going. I used to go to Adoration every single day for at least an hour.

I haven't received Communion in a while. Honestly, I am not sure if I have ever received one worthy Communion. I mean I guess you can't really be worthy. But I feel like every time I have received it unworthily, as condemned by St. Paul, and eating and drinking myself to everlasting damnation.


#13

[quote="Allegra, post:8, topic:253423"]
I'm not a male so I don't know how to help in regards to getting rid of lust, but I wonder if you might not need some special help, especially if you've developed a problem with pornography. I'm pretty sure most males are able to go about in the world without viewing every female they see as a "missed opportunity". Perhaps it would help to remind yourself that the girl you are leering at is a human being made in God's image. At any rate, it's good that you are striving to lead a chaste life and I'm sure that with the help of God, you will find someone you truely love.

[/quote]

Yeah, I kinda have to second this....what you are describing isn't really normal behavior. Other posters are offering excellent advice, but you might want to talk to someone about it. Sex addition really is a valid thing, and it doesn't just mean someone who is addicted to sex - it means someone with unhealthy sexual behavior. If your lust is so strong you cannot even talk to a woman...you may need a little more of a leg up. :)


#14

[quote="joshrp, post:1, topic:253423"]
Hi,

I honestly avoid women because it often happens that it leads to lust and the near occasion of sin. I have never had sex, because I know it is wrong to do so with someone you are not married to. But I have often fallen into pornography. Usually it happens when I have a conversation with a young woman who is attractive and I start fantasizing about her. How can I avoid this without having to avoid women completely?

Joshua

[/quote]

Pray for the women you are lusting over. This will turn your bad thoughts into love and respect for them and show God you are trying to resist temptation with a sincere heart. Also there are many threads here on this topic for programs that will help you on a daily basis. Just do a search on these forums.

Remember the devil loves this sin as he manipulates millions through this medium. Go to confession freqently.


#15

[quote="Whitacre_Girl, post:13, topic:253423"]
Yeah, I kinda have to second this....what you are describing isn't really normal behavior. Other posters are offering excellent advice, but you might want to talk to someone about it. Sex addition really is a valid thing, and it doesn't just mean someone who is addicted to sex - it means someone with unhealthy sexual behavior. If your lust is so strong you cannot even talk to a woman...you may need a little more of a leg up. :)

[/quote]

I have a therapist and when I told him that I am having problems with pornography, he said that is normal, and that I need to stimulate myself. I told my priest, and he said he'd look into finding some orthodox Catholic therapist for me. I haven't heard back from him yet.

Say I solve this problem. Is any woman ever going to trust me?


#16

[quote="joshrp, post:15, topic:253423"]
I have a therapist and when I told him that I am having problems with pornography, he said that is normal, and that I need to stimulate myself. I told my priest, and he said he'd look into finding some orthodox Catholic therapist for me. I haven't heard back from him yet.

Say I solve this problem. Is any woman ever going to trust me?

[/quote]

Of course they will.

Did you mention to the therapist that it's to such an extreme that you avoid female contact?


#17

[quote="Whitacre_Girl, post:16, topic:253423"]
Of course they will.

[/quote]

Agreed, no doubt about it.


#18

I'm always afraid that I am going to lose control of myself. It's scary. Sometimes you emotions run so high that you do things you really don't want to do, or you don't realize you are doing anything wrong.


#19

[quote="joshrp, post:15, topic:253423"]
I have a therapist and when I told him that I am having problems with pornography, he said that is normal, and that I need to stimulate myself. I told my priest, and he said he'd look into finding some orthodox Catholic therapist for me. I haven't heard back from him yet.

Say I solve this problem. Is any woman ever going to trust me?

[/quote]

Lots of men have overcome pornography addictions. If you get the right kind of help, you'll probably be fine before too long. Of course, you'll find a woman who loves and trusts you. I'd definately find a different counselor though. That's bad advice for someone who expresses that they've had a pornography problem even by secular standards.


#20

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