Awkward: in-laws keep inviting my children to spend the night


I kind of disagree on the whole ‘keep telling them no thanks’ train of thought. I think eventually that will cause offense, because no one is telling them why.

I also ponder the opportunity for outreach with this…no you wouldn’t put your kids in danger, of course not, but if you tell them your concerns you could be a catalyst for change…is it possible that no one has been ‘straight up’ with them, so they feel rejected but don’t know why?

The smoking issue alone is enough for a conversation- not good for anyone to be exposed to that. The metal? Well, again, I would be interested to hear why they think it’s ok for kids to listen to…

Do they attend church? WOuld they attend with you? Do you invite their kids to spend the night so they can see how a family should be? If something terrible is happening sexually, who can they turn to? Who would help them?

I’m just asking…


I also don’t think you should get your husband involved, and don’t lie not even little white lies that first of all is a venial sin and will prove nothing, perhaps even make things worse.
What is wrong with telling them “I don’t want them around the smoking, as non smoker I don’t want them exposed” I doubt if they are going to quit just so your children can stay over.
Personally if it were my kids I would just keep saying no and that would be it. You are making the right decision here so you should not put yourself on the defensive,


I really like this reply the best…no need to explain anything. I used to explain my rationale to well meaning inlaws, friends, etc…and why? I just say no thank you, and leave it at that.

To the poster who talked about the reason being that the kids can’t deal with smoke, then the rebuttal to that could be…oh we won’t smoke when they’re here…bla bla…when reasons are given, then other rebuttals will emerge. I agree with annie. Just a no thanks or I really don’t like the kids to spend nights elsewhere…should be fine.


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