Awkward Problem - Interracial Friendships/Relationships


#1

OK, I've got a toughie, and since I don't have many Catholic friends, I thought I would appeal to you guys. ;)

This is kind of a spin on the old, interracial dating topic, except, in this case, the problem has to do with how one should handle dating other Catholics of a different race and dealing with family members who may have problems with that as well as the over arching question of the role family approval should play in whom you choose to date.

To provide a personal example, I am 26 years old, never married and the last relationship that I was in ended back in 2005. Since then I have been rather preoccupied with my currently high-stress, busy career. :rolleyes:

Anyhow, out of the blue a while back I met this really nice Catholic man who is close to my age range, very devout, traditional, etc etc. We not only share the same devotion to the Catholic faith and Church teaching but a lot of the same interests in other areas as well and kind of developed into pretty good friends. He's ethnically Indian and I am white.This race issue didn't even cross my mind until recently when I thought of my mother's reaction. She is in her mid 70's and occasionally makes an offhand remark or two to me about how she hopes that I will find a nice person of my own race to marry and that "robins shouldn't mix with blue jays" and other sorts of things like that. Normally I ignore her or give a passing protest, but now, considering the current situation, this has sort of begun to stress me out. :( I've always given my mom some slack on this issue because of the generational difference and the fact that this was probably something her parents taught her. Furthermore, I try to remember that when she was my age, racial segregation was still somewhat widespread.

So my question is this: how do I deal with what I think could turn into an ugly situation? It's awfully aspirational to say someone should make one's own life decisions without regard to outside pressures or familial issues. Unfortunately, the harsh reality of life is that often if you have a close relationship with a parent and that parent disapproves of someone you date, it will end up destroying the relationship over time due to the stress and pressure placed on everyone involved. I remember the awful comments people made when one of my cousins married a woman from another country and some of the things the family said about them.

On the flip side of the coin, I feel as if I can't keep filtering people through the lens of my family's approval. I tried that in the past and while the last relationship involved a man who was my own age and race and religion, it still had so much stress involved, because there were things that my mother still disapproved of.

At what point and where do you balance the question of living your own life versus making decisions that could result in lasting family unrest and unhappiness? Have any of you struggled with these issues?

To make matters worse, certain family members are now insinuating that I don't prefer people of the opposite gender, due to the fact that I am a more private person who doesn't prefer to talk about relationships with family members and friends. :o

Prayers are - for obvious reasons - also appreciated. ;)


#2

[quote="Onegin, post:1, topic:253382"]
OK, I've got a toughie, and since I don't have many Catholic friends, I thought I would appeal to you guys. ;)

This is kind of a spin on the old, interracial dating topic, except, in this case, the problem has to do with how one should handle dating other Catholics of a different race and dealing with family members who may have problems with that as well as the over arching question of the role family approval should play in whom you choose to date.

To provide a personal example, I am 26 years old, never married and the last relationship that I was in ended back in 2005. Since then I have been rather preoccupied with my currently high-stress, busy career. :rolleyes:

Anyhow, out of the blue a while back I met this really nice Catholic man who is close to my age range, very devout, traditional, etc etc. We not only share the same devotion to the Catholic faith and Church teaching but a lot of the same interests in other areas as well and kind of developed into pretty good friends. He's ethnically Indian and I am white.This race issue didn't even cross my mind until recently when I thought of my mother's reaction. She is in her mid 70's and occasionally makes an offhand remark or two to me about how she hopes that I will find a nice person of my own race to marry and that "robins shouldn't mix with blue jays" and other sorts of things like that. Normally I ignore her or give a passing protest, but now, considering the current situation, this has sort of begun to stress me out. :( I've always given my mom some slack on this issue because of the generational difference and the fact that this was probably something her parents taught her. Furthermore, I try to remember that when she was my age, racial segregation was still somewhat widespread.

So my question is this: how do I deal with what I think could turn into an ugly situation? It's awfully aspirational to say someone should make one's own life decisions without regard to outside pressures or familial issues. Unfortunately, the harsh reality of life is that often if you have a close relationship with a parent and that parent disapproves of someone you date, it will end up destroying the relationship over time due to the stress and pressure placed on everyone involved. I remember the awful comments people made when one of my cousins married a woman from another country and some of the things the family said about them.

On the flip side of the coin, I feel as if I can't keep filtering people through the lens of my family's approval. I tried that in the past and while the last relationship involved a man who was my own age and race and religion, it still had so much stress involved, because there were things that my mother still disapproved of.

At what point and where do you balance the question of living your own life versus making decisions that could result in lasting family unrest and unhappiness? Have any of you struggled with these issues?

To make matters worse, certain family members are now insinuating that I don't prefer people of the opposite gender, due to the fact that I am a more private person who doesn't prefer to talk about relationships with family members and friends. :o

Prayers are - for obvious reasons - also appreciated. ;)

[/quote]

My parents are judgemental enough - yours sound worse! I'd emphasise the Catholic thing, which is hard enough in the modern environment...... assuming your parent is enthusiastically religious enough, you can probably then point to official racial policies of the Church (i.e. affable) and tell her to count her lucky stars you found a Catholic :thumbsup:

Admittedly, if they're not very religious, you may be stuffed on that one....:shrug:


#3

[quote="Mystic_Banana, post:2, topic:253382"]
My parents are judgemental enough - yours sound worse! I'd emphasise the Catholic thing, which is hard enough in the modern environment...... assuming your parent is enthusiastically religious enough, you can probably then point to official racial policies of the Church (i.e. affable) and tell her to count your lucky stars you found a Catholic :thumbsup:

Admittedly, if they're not super religious, you may be stuffed on that one....:shrug:

[/quote]

yeah....Mystic is right. Sorry, but this whole situation makes me feel rather nauseated. I thought we had moved on from petty racism.

Seriously, if my family was so bigoted that they'd object to me marrying someone of a different race...well...I wouldn't give a spit what they think. Racism is not only disgusting but it's sinful. :thumbsup:


#4

[quote="Mystic_Banana, post:2, topic:253382"]
My parents are judgemental enough - yours sound worse! I'd emphasise the Catholic thing, which is hard enough in the modern environment...... assuming your parent is enthusiastically religious enough, you can probably then point to official racial policies of the Church (i.e. affable) and tell her to count her lucky stars you found a Catholic :thumbsup:

Admittedly, if they're not very religious, you may be stuffed on that one....:shrug:

[/quote]

My mother was raised in a devout Catholic home and is still very conservative and practising, but I think it is hard to fight against what is essentially an inherent belief that she has. None of the younger generation in my family think this way, it seems to be something that was leftover from the 50s? :confused:

I have already pointed out the Church position on this issue, which she accepts but still brushes off the subject as being "wrong" or "against nature". :(

Whiteacre_Girl: You'd be surprised how prevalent these ideas and opinions on race are. They don't always get as much attention because the people that hold them aren't shouting it from the rooftops, rather they are like insidious little things that emerge and then eat away at even the nicest people.


#5

[quote="Onegin, post:1, topic:253382"]
OK, I've got a toughie, and since I don't have many Catholic friends, I thought I would appeal to you guys. ;)

This is kind of a spin on the old, interracial dating topic, except, in this case, the problem has to do with how one should handle dating other Catholics of a different race and dealing with family members who may have problems with that as well as the over arching question of the role family approval should play in whom you choose to date.

To provide a personal example, I am 26 years old, never married and the last relationship that I was in ended back in 2005. Since then I have been rather preoccupied with my currently high-stress, busy career. :rolleyes:

Anyhow, out of the blue a while back I met this really nice Catholic man who is close to my age range, very devout, traditional, etc etc. We not only share the same devotion to the Catholic faith and Church teaching but a lot of the same interests in other areas as well and kind of developed into pretty good friends. He's ethnically Indian and I am white.This race issue didn't even cross my mind until recently when I thought of my mother's reaction. She is in her mid 70's and occasionally makes an offhand remark or two to me about how she hopes that I will find a nice person of my own race to marry and that "robins shouldn't mix with blue jays" and other sorts of things like that. Normally I ignore her or give a passing protest, but now, considering the current situation, this has sort of begun to stress me out. :( I've always given my mom some slack on this issue because of the generational difference and the fact that this was probably something her parents taught her. Furthermore, I try to remember that when she was my age, racial segregation was still somewhat widespread.

So my question is this: how do I deal with what I think could turn into an ugly situation? It's awfully aspirational to say someone should make one's own life decisions without regard to outside pressures or familial issues. Unfortunately, the harsh reality of life is that often if you have a close relationship with a parent and that parent disapproves of someone you date, it will end up destroying the relationship over time due to the stress and pressure placed on everyone involved. I remember the awful comments people made when one of my cousins married a woman from another country and some of the things the family said about them.

On the flip side of the coin, I feel as if I can't keep filtering people through the lens of my family's approval. I tried that in the past and while the last relationship involved a man who was my own age and race and religion, it still had so much stress involved, because there were things that my mother still disapproved of.

At what point and where do you balance the question of living your own life versus making decisions that could result in lasting family unrest and unhappiness? Have any of you struggled with these issues?

To make matters worse, certain family members are now insinuating that I don't prefer people of the opposite gender, due to the fact that I am a more private person who doesn't prefer to talk about relationships with family members and friends. :o

Prayers are - for obvious reasons - also appreciated. ;)

[/quote]

Wow. "Robins shouldn't mix with blue jays" huh? Don't worry about her reaction. Just make sure your boyfriend isn't into any sins. That's the only reason your mother should be upset about who you date or marry.


#6

[quote="Onegin, post:4, topic:253382"]
My mother was raised in a devout Catholic home and is still very conservative and practising, but I think it is hard to fight against what is essentially an inherent belief that she has. None of the younger generation in my family think this way, it seems to be something that was leftover from the 50s? :confused:

I have already pointed out the Church position on this issue, which she accepts but still brushes off the subject as being "wrong" or "against nature". :(

Whiteacre_Girl: You'd be surprised how prevalent these ideas and opinions on race are. They don't always get as much attention because the people that hold them aren't shouting it from the rooftops, rather they are like insidious little things that emerge and then eat away at even the nicest people.

[/quote]

I'm sorry you're in such an uncomfortable position, not only because your mum but your other family members.

You cannot let people disrespect your life and principles.

At the end of the day, whatever happens between you and your boyfriend is up to God, but your mother will always be your blood. Because of that, and because she's elderly and grew up in different times, you should continue to 'tolerate' her -- but be clear that her opinion is wrong, and she will have to respect and accept your boyfriend if / when the time comes.

As I see it your other family members -- unless they're your mother's age -- don't deserve a pass. Be very blunt with your words and actions: if they fail to respect you without questioning your sexual orientation, if they cannot speak respectfully of your boyfriend or your relationship, keep a cold distance.


#7

[quote="Onegin, post:4, topic:253382"]

Whiteacre_Girl: You'd be surprised how prevalent these ideas and opinions on race are. They don't always get as much attention because the people that hold them aren't shouting it from the rooftops, rather they are like insidious little things that emerge and then eat away at even the nicest people.

[/quote]

Yeah, I suppose you are right here. Still though, I would make your own choices regarding this man and if your mother is going to cut you out of her life because of racism...well, that's her loss. If she had a legitimate concern other than the color of his skin, then by all means listen to her. She is, however, 100% wrong in this case.


#8

[quote="Whitacre_Girl, post:3, topic:253382"]
yeah....Mystic is right. Sorry, but this whole situation makes me feel rather nauseated. I thought we had moved on from petty racism.

Seriously, if my family was so bigoted that they'd object to me marrying someone of a different race...well...I wouldn't give a spit what they think. Racism is not only disgusting but it's sinful. :thumbsup:

[/quote]

[quote="Onegin, post:4, topic:253382"]
My mother was raised in a devout Catholic home and is still very conservative and practising, but I think it is hard to fight against what is essentially an inherent belief that she has. None of the younger generation in my family think this way, it seems to be something that was leftover from the 50s? :confused:

I have already pointed out the Church position on this issue, which she accepts but still brushes off the subject as being "wrong" or "against nature". :(

Whiteacre_Girl: You'd be surprised how prevalent these ideas and opinions on race are. They don't always get as much attention because the people that hold them aren't shouting it from the rooftops, rather they are like insidious little things that emerge and then eat away at even the nicest people.

[/quote]

I agree, One. For the most part young people have changed but even then, the old ignorance gets passed generation to generation. A few weeks ago my friend, his cousin and I went to a party, the only people of colour there aside from two other people, and I couldn't believe how many people were staring at us, watching us. If you'd believe it, one of the guests, speaking with my friend (half-Asian, half-Black) and his Black cousin, couldn't understand how they were related. I swear he wasn't older than 25.


#9

[quote="Bezant, post:8, topic:253382"]
I agree, One. For the most part young people have changed but even then, the old ignorance gets passed generation to generation. A few weeks ago my friend, his cousin and I went to a party, the only people of colour there aside from two other people, and I couldn't believe how many people were staring at us, watching us. If you'd believe it, one of the guests, speaking with my friend (half-Asian, half-Black) and his Black cousin, couldn't understand how they were related. I swear he wasn't older than 25.

[/quote]

Wow. I remember when I was single I disliked inter-racial marriage....only because I was jealous of all the girls snatching up the Asian men at my school! pout

I got over it though ;) lol


#10

[quote="Onegin, post:1, topic:253382"]

On the flip side of the coin, I feel as if I can't keep filtering people through the lens of my family's approval. I tried that in the past and while the last relationship involved a man who was my own age and race and religion, it still had so much stress involved, because there were things that my mother still disapproved of.

[/quote]

I wanted to underline this sentence because it says a lot. Obviously, your mother will always find something to dissaprove of.

You are trying to make everybody happy, but unfortunately that is not possible. I have family members who make negative comments no matter what I do. Some people just can't be pleased. There comes a point when we should stop making it about them and prioritise our own happiness. I really don't think this is selfish, but a healthy self-love. Your mother wants the best for you but you obviously have different values. Respect her but also set healthy boundaries.

In my experience, it is far more important to share the faith than to belong to the same ethnic group. These other things are important of course, but if you share the faith you can make it work. I hope your friend's family feel this way as well.

Another thing I want to say is that at the dating stage it is still important what people think. However, the reality of marriage is something very different. You have to live with that person every day, until the rest of your/his life. This is something you should keep in mind while discerning your relationship.

Good luck and God bless.


#11

[quote="Onegin, post:1, topic:253382"]
OK, I've got a toughie, and since I don't have many Catholic friends, I thought I would appeal to you guys. ;)

This is kind of a spin on the old, interracial dating topic, except, in this case, the problem has to do with how one should handle dating other Catholics of a different race and dealing with family members who may have problems with that as well as the over arching question of the role family approval should play in whom you choose to date.

To provide a personal example, I am 26 years old, never married and the last relationship that I was in ended back in 2005. Since then I have been rather preoccupied with my currently high-stress, busy career. :rolleyes:

Anyhow, out of the blue a while back I met this really nice Catholic man who is close to my age range, very devout, traditional, etc etc. We not only share the same devotion to the Catholic faith and Church teaching but a lot of the same interests in other areas as well and kind of developed into pretty good friends. He's ethnically Indian and I am white.This race issue didn't even cross my mind until recently when I thought of my mother's reaction. She is in her mid 70's and occasionally makes an offhand remark or two to me about how she hopes that I will find a nice person of my own race to marry and that "robins shouldn't mix with blue jays" and other sorts of things like that. Normally I ignore her or give a passing protest, but now, considering the current situation, this has sort of begun to stress me out. :( I've always given my mom some slack on this issue because of the generational difference and the fact that this was probably something her parents taught her. Furthermore, I try to remember that when she was my age, racial segregation was still somewhat widespread.

So my question is this: how do I deal with what I think could turn into an ugly situation? It's awfully aspirational to say someone should make one's own life decisions without regard to outside pressures or familial issues. Unfortunately, the harsh reality of life is that often if you have a close relationship with a parent and that parent disapproves of someone you date, it will end up destroying the relationship over time due to the stress and pressure placed on everyone involved. I remember the awful comments people made when one of my cousins married a woman from another country and some of the things the family said about them.

On the flip side of the coin, I feel as if I can't keep filtering people through the lens of my family's approval. I tried that in the past and while the last relationship involved a man who was my own age and race and religion, it still had so much stress involved, because there were things that my mother still disapproved of.

At what point and where do you balance the question of living your own life versus making decisions that could result in lasting family unrest and unhappiness? Have any of you struggled with these issues?

To make matters worse, certain family members are now insinuating that I don't prefer people of the opposite gender, due to the fact that I am a more private person who doesn't prefer to talk about relationships with family members and friends. :o

Prayers are - for obvious reasons - also appreciated. ;)

[/quote]

This is a matter on which your mother is absolutely wrong. There is only one people under God. I am sure you know this. If trying to explain this does not help, you would just have to go on wih your life and your choices making clear to your mum that you love her nonetheless. If you do marry a man of another race, your mother may just come around. I have known this to happen often. She will then get to know your husband as a person and like him and her prejudice will disappear. Her parish priest would be the best person to advise her.
God bless. Prayers for you and your mum.


#12

Time to separate from your mommy! The gulf between you and her is wide and you recognize it. It's hard to realize that your mother is so wrong, and that YOU are now the more adult in this case. But you have to realize it. Do as you know God wants you to do, and don't look for your mother's approval, nor care if she disapproves. Whatever bird metaphors she dredges up, she is 100% wrong on this issue and you already know that.

:rolleyes:


#13

This is a most serious issue, because if you eventually marry this man there is the possibility that if your mother does not change you may need to distance yourself from her, a lot.

As to potential marriage and future children: Is your mother going to treat your husband like he is an outsider your entire marriage? How about possible future chidlren? Will they be accepted or will their grandmother treat them differently or will they hear words of disapproval about their father?

It is easy to say "live your life the way you want to and ignore your mom" but are you prepared to do that? It seems to me that you need to dig deep, spend time in deep prayer and see where God is leading you. You love your mother but can see her errors, would you be willing to distance yourself from her to stand by your spouse and protect your future children from her hurtful comments?

If you don't think you are up for that then you must pray whether or not you are in a position to be a good wife to this man should that issue ever arise. God bless you.


#14

These are exactly the questions I am struggling with, and it seems more than anything to just be a really unfortunate set of circumstances that led to this situation, as had my mother grown up in a later generation, I don’t believe this would have presented a problem at all. Over the years I have tried to deal with this by attempting to get my mom interested in other cultures in hopes that she would gain more understanding of them, so I’ve invited her to various cultural events and things but she doesn’t seem to take a great interest in it. She has also never been outside of her own country and lives in a predominantly white neighbourhood. Because I travel outside of the country frequently, I will often try to invite her if I have a foreign friend staying with me or something so she can meet people from other parts of the world. I’m not sure if it has had any effect, but she has never shown an interest in travelling anywhere else because she thinks that other countries wouldn’t have the amenities that she enjoys at home.

The main issue I am facing that I think you guys quickly identified is at what point is it acceptable to cut off commuication with a parent? Up until now, I have always remained in contact with my mom, but we are not “close” in the sense that I feel like sharing personal info about myself with her because she usually will disapprove of one thing or another. I have a sneaking suspicion that if I modify my life to meet her expectations in regard to race (in which I feel I would be compromising my own values to do!) there would still be other issues that crop up. My elder sister, for example, married a non-Catholic and it has caused nothing but tension between her husband and my mother for the past 20-odd years. :frowning: She doesn’t respect him, makes offhand remarks about his income being less (she also comes from the school that believes it is only right for the husband to earn the main income) and generally finds ways to belittle or nitpick about any aspect of his character that she finds lacking. Sometimes I wonder whether my mom and others in my family are simply very unhappy people who will always attempt to make others unhappy. As they say, misery loves company.

Meanwhile, I am too embarrassed to tell my gentleman friend about this issue because I don’t think he has even considered it (as most people our age simply do not think of these things). His family is also Catholic and very nice, but they don’t have any of these issues, but his parents are also significantly younger than my mom. I am afraid if he meets her she might make an inappropriate comment or say something condescending or something like that and I would be mortified if that happened!

Thank you all for your kind advice, I greatly appreciate it. :slight_smile:


#15

I just want to point out if she's in her mid-70s she was only 30 years old when the civil rights movement was going strong and she'd been seeing efforts at desegregation for about 10 years, since the late 50s - unless she never watched the news that is. mid 70s is not that much older than the oldest of the baby boomers. There are people in that generation who believe in segregation but there are many many others who do not, some of whom marched and struggled, and a few of whom died, for their principles. she is in her mid 70s, not 100 or born in civil war times. the march on washington happened in august, 1963. the boomers were involved in civil rights in a big way. certainly not everyone, but a lot of people.

"she's older" is not convincing to me given that she was a young person when this all happened and could have chosen to change her views. millions of other white people her age did.

what you do as far as your relationship with her and anyone you bring home is a separate issue, and I don't feel qualified to give advice. sorry for your difficulties.


#16

[quote="Onegin, post:1, topic:253382"]

This is kind of a spin on the old, interracial dating topic, except, in this case, the problem has to do with how one should handle dating other Catholics of a different race and dealing with family members who may have problems with that as well as the over arching question of the role family approval should play in whom you choose to date.

[/quote]

sounds like two questions
if you personally see problems entering into a relationship solely because of the racial factor that is something you will have to deal with yourself, being honest about the reasons for your concern etc.

If you are concerned that your family will disapprove solely on racial grounds, in this day and age, at age 26 my advice would be to ignore them. Do they have right of approval over other life decisions?


#17

Totally time to cut the umbilical cord!
Keep Mother out of your personal decisions and choices. Don't even discuss them with her. It is none of her business.
If she continues to make belittling remarks, lessen your contact with her. Do not allow her to control the conversation and make insulting remarks.
I deal with a mother who has a personality disorder and I have learned to have extremely low contact with her because of her negativity and insulting comments. so I know what you are going through.
If God's plans for your life include this gentleman, you need to remember that your partner comes first and everyone else a distant second.


#18

Ok. So, I'm in a mixed marriage both racially, and faithfully! DH is a mix of another race and white. He's quite pale for his race. His grandmother HATED me. She made no bones about it. She did not acknowledge our wedding announcement. She claims I'm after his $$$. I've yet to see this money she talks of... neither has he! In my husbands words I am EVERYTHING his grandmother hates. Female, White and Catholic. Yes, she a woman, thinks that women/girls are worthless. I gather she was quite pleased her own son died single. She however, just did not speak to me. We could be in the same room... well, in the 15 years or so that I knew her, she spoke maybe 3 full sentances... She regularly told my husband how she disapproved. Not in my presence. And apparently she informed his mother that he was to be excluded from an event because he chose to marry me. I think it was rather shocking for him to realize that his grandmother could not be happy for him. She also refused to meet our children... when she had the chance. She is now dead. And I can honestly say, the only person I feel bad for is my husband. She devalued everyone he loved and valued. I feel ZERO loss. For myself or my children. Plenty of kids dont' know their grandparents or great grandparents. Mine don't ever need to meet a woman who thought so little of them.

So the thing is... as wrong as your mother is... She's not likely to change. But you can still do as you see fit.

And here's how I would present it to her...

Mom, I'm going to tell you something because you're my mom. I'm NOT Asking your opinion or for your aproval. But think you should know... I'm dating a man. His name is... but I think before I allow you to meet him you should know that he's Indian... If you'd like to meet him, I can arrange for that, but you need to promise to keep your comments wholly to yourself. We won't entertain them in any fashion, now or ever.

If she can't agree to that then SHE is the one cutting the ties so to speak.

I would warn him if he's to meet your family. I can say also, that my DH normally does not experience racism. As again, he's so pale most can't "tell" he's not really "white"... but he has run into it. It through him for such a loop. Quite the education I must say. But it took him a long time to recover from it. Had he been prepared... it would have been easier. Basically, don't feed your boyfriend to the wolves... And if you're too embarassed to tell him, then I'd venture to guess it's too early to bring him home to mama anyway...


#19

Thank you for your post, faithfully, your perspective was very helpful and encouraging. I am sorry things didn't work out with your DH's mom, but sometimes I think people are so settled on disliking a person that they never really change. Still, it is good to hear that despite the situation you managed to work things out and that your kids didn't have to suffer as a result of thier grandmother's opinions.

Thanks also on your suggestions as how to present the subject to her! I guess for some people it might be easier to approach, but I've never really felt comfortable telling my mom about my personal life in most circumstances, so your suggestions are very useful.

I think you are absolutely right about warning him in advance as to the potential for an uncomfortable situation, I wouldn't want him to end up shocked by it and it is best to know ahead of time. Admittedly, I have been kind of delaying the introduction. :o


#20

Faithfully wrote a very good post. I am not in an inter-racial marriage but have encountered dating related difficulties in my family in the past and it seems that these issues tend to be very similar. A parent doesn't like the idea of X and will not give him a chance. It is difficult to reason with people like that and I agree that the only thing to do is to present the issue and explain that you are not asking for opinion. It is up to your mum to decide if she will treat you and your boyfriend with respect you deserve, or if her behaviour will cause you to distance yourself.

I'd definitely have an honest conversation with him about this. You could even apologise for your mum in advance if you think it is necessary. See what he says. It might be a deal-braker, but perhaps not. People are often understanding about such things. Everyone has some kind of a family issue, trust me.


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