Okay, not sure what I need from you guys. Doesn’t have to be advice per say, I just need to vent and maybe get some feedback/ insight.
So I have a friend who has been engaged for about 3 years. She and her fiancé live together. They have never set a date. They have almost set a date dozens of times and then started to plan their wedding only to change their mind and push it up and then not set a new date. Very strange. They do not plan on having a Church wedding. At first they did, but they changed their minds and now are having a justice of peace. At first I was happy and enthusiastic about this wedding, as any friend would be. I pretty much lost interest in being excited for her after all this (sorry if that sounds terrible but it is the truth).
Now, my friend is having a bridal shower. Even though she does not have a date set. But it is a weird bridal shower. The initial e-vite came from her friend who is supposedly throwing it for her…but the 10 or so reminders I have gotten in the past week and half (will get into that in a second) all came from my friend herself. I think it is bizarre to be having a bridal shower when you haven’t even set a date yet - never mind to basically throw it for yourself and be pushy about it. Also, the shower is at night at a restaurant and we each have to pay for our own plate, etc. Her family isn’t really involved in this shower (her mom isn’t really crazy about the guy she is marrying even though he is okay, and I think she has an issue with them living together).
So call me out for being uncharitable if you must, but I feel like this is totally backwards and yes, stupid. Every single shower I have been to (including my own) took place just before the wedding and was thrown by family and the bridal party (she hasn’t even picked a bridal party yet). Also, it was usually something that you were invited to not something you had to pay for - and if there was a budget issue than a simple at home potluck style shower. I just feel like she wants all the fanfare of getting married and to be celebrated – but she doesn’t understand that it only comes when you actually get married.
Oh and the kicker is that she sent out an email telling us all where she was registered and provided a link. I really don’t feel like I should be obligated to buy someone a shower gift when they do not have a date set. I joked to my husband that I should send her back a registry to my baby shower - I am not pregnant now, but heck I will have a baby one day so why not randomly ask for gifts in advance.
She is also a bit of a controlling person when it comes to these types of things…she has sent out a reminder about every day and a half telling us to RSVP (even though the RSVP date is a couple weeks away)
I am really turned off by her even putting her friends in such a strange spot. Out of 30 people on the list, only 6 have said they were coming. Well actually, her friend sent out the e-vite, then after a day 1 person had responded – so after only 1 day my friend usurped the whole thing and posted on the e-vite page that she was concerned by the lack of rsvps and she thought something was wrong with the e-vite site so she was creating a face book event page instead. So now I am bombarded with face book reminders. Gah! She even sent a text message to us all which was a picture snap shot of the face book event page. It is almost funny. But I am irritated and not really sure how to handle the situation. I will most likely attend…but I really do not feel I should purchase something off of her registry because that is legitimizing her situation. I was thinking of just making a basket of soaps and hand towels instead. I am just annoyed when people do things so backwards but still want all the trappings of a being a “bride.” I don’t know, what do you guys think?