I’m new to this site & I’ve only made two confessions in my whole life and I’m 22.
This is a big struggle for me so I’m going to try my best to let you all know what I’m feeling.
So something I did wrong around 2 years ago came back into my mind as I’m a deep thinker I do well remembering even the smallest of details from years ago I suppose that’s a talent I have. At the time I didn’t realise how wrong it actually is what I done. After lots of thinking I’m actually quite shocked about the sin I committed because that’s not the way or who I am atall. It’s made me physically sick almost. I confessed it all in my first ever confession around 2-3 months ago and when explaining my story to the priest due to my discust I tried my best not to think about it so I could only estimate the details of my sin as I couldn’t remember. The priest understood and could see the state I was in due to the deep shame and regret he gave me a blessing a penance etc. I completed it and started living my life in a new positive way. A few days ago my deep thinking started yet again and I realised my estimates I gave the priest where actually innacurate. The recent details I’ve remembered have made the sin far worse in my eyes. Again this has had me all over the place but the last couple of days it has hit me hard it’s as if my mind isn’t with me sometimes as im finding my self day dreaming a lot, failing to concentrate and finding it extremely difficult to laugh at things like my favourite programmes which usually have me rolling around laughing. So I decided to go to confession and just try my best to explain this to the priest (a different one from my last confession) I feel like I didn’t get the chance to fully explain as he mentioned there was a queue forming outside. I know this was because of me taking too long but my head is all over the place it wasn’t on purpose. I’ve had my second blessing and penance and told that I have been washed off my sins. That was this morning and now 5-6 hours later I feel awful again. The first time it was like a huge weight off my shoulders and I fealt brilliant. That lasted all up until my recent deep think. Today I didn’t get the feeling of weight being lifted off my shoulders much as I still feel awful now. I feel like the first priest understood more as I sat with him for a while and explained myself whereas this one maybe rushed. Due to the details I’ve recently remembered it’s made me feel sick. I’m struggling to eat most of the time. I can only sleep when I’m absolutely shattered and again my mind just isn’t with it.
Also my local church is cutting down on the hours it’s open due to our local priest managing two separate parishes.
I wouldn’t be happy if I’d known of someone else committing this sin which is why I feel this way I think.
I’m sorry as I’ve probably confused you by my big explanation but that’s all I can do to share how I feel.
I haven’t got a criminal record or anything like that I’m just a 22 yr old boy/man who needs some guidance to help deal with this deep deep shame and regret.
Thank you all and godbless.