Bah----just confused


#1

Hi all…latly i have feel that I am not a good person.
I am not sure why…ok, well i know why…and It is because of my past.
I cannot seem to get over some things i have done. My husband does not even know some of the things i have done.

I have lived a really sinful life… I am talking dancing, drugs, drinking, lying, stealing…and more…and did not care. I had “friends” who, i realize now…were not friends… but they were just like me…When i finally hit rock bottom and started to pull myself away from these people…they started to not talk to me and be very mean to me, so i cut them out of my life.

My husband (of 2 years) helped me with that a great deal. He told me to stop talking to them…and when i moved away form everyone, i started getting involved in the church and reading scriptures and things.

Just lately, my mind has been racing…
I find myself constantly thinking about them and wondering if i should get in contact with them.
( ihave not spoken with them in over 2 years) I changed my life…drastically. I also find myself thinking alot abou twhat i have done to other people…and i feel sick…my stomach gets in knots and i sometimes wanna cry.

I dont know if this will sound crazy, but ever since i have been getting closer to god, I feel more…
I was told the devil tries to get everyone back to him…when they leave…

I am sorry if i am rambling…but i really need some good words…I am not too good at posting or writing,…

ps belle—thank you, but not just regular dancing :frowning:


#2

Lauraella, don’t despair. :hug1: We’ve all made mistakes, we’ve all sinned. Many of us regret things we’ve done, but the way to get past them is to go to confession. Jesus Himself is waiting there to forgive! If you haven’t been, I urge you to go – the amazing gifts of forgiveness and grace are waiting if you are truly penitent, which I’m sure you are.

I would not suggest getting back in touch with those “friends” at this time. You need to strengthen yourself first so that you won’t be tempted to return to old ways, or at least that you’ll be able to resist those temptations. Perhaps you and your husband can go to confession together (well, you know what I mean) and Mass. Also, spend time in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament if you can – it is wonderful to be with Jesus. :heart:

Pray the chaplet of Divine Mercy (see my signature for information) and trust in His Compassionate Heart. God bless you! :heart:

By the way, dancing is OK. :wink: :smiley:


#3

Dear Lauraella,

I think what you are experiencing is something that most converts/reverts to Christianity go through! I can tell you that there are many people— some of the greatest saints— who led sinful lives and then turned them around. And we know that those people make heaven rejoyce the most!

Do not give in to these feelings. If you are Catholic, go to confession asap! Even if you have gone before and confessed some of the “biggies” you remember, you can always go again and confess that you are struggling letting go of these past sins as well as confess any new ones or ones you forgot to confess before.
I had a similar experience a few years ago-- just suddenly feeling overwhelmed by my own sinfulness. And I am a lifelong Catholic who has always regularly gone to confession, etc. but I have always been scrupulous. What I found helped me get over this feeling was to literally make a list of all the sins, even the venial ones that still nagged at my heart, even little mean things I did to people in Junior High that I never confessed-- ALL the sins that I didn’t feel I had closure over. I went into the confessional and read the list. I told the priest what I was going through, and that even though I had confessed, I still had incredible guilt. He told me to stop dwelling on my sins and be at peace. He also told me that after we are absolved, God forgets about our sins and so should we.
After that confession, I finally felt like I had made every effort to remember and confess all my sins. And I have peace!

I also do a much more thorough job examining my conscience before confession. That way I can really make sure that I won’t be haunted by sins that I’m not sure I confessed or not.
Also, I pray the Divine Mercy chaplet often. Jesus is merciful! He loves us so much-- more than we could ever understand! This Sunday is Divine Mercy Sunday. I think the website is www.divinemercy.org. You can find all the information there.

THIS is the week to kick the devil in the butt and tell him once and for all that you are Christ’s! And you won’t be tempted to despair over your OLD self because Christ has saved you and you are a NEW creation!


#4

:thumbsup: :smiley: :clapping:


#5

Hey Laura,
Don’t worry about the fact that you have such temptations; you are right we all can go through these things and the devil is smart at trying to get us to come back (Just read CS Lewis Screwtape Letters).
First hon, do not give into these temptations. These people are probably still doing their thing though hopefully they have changed like you. Satan twists good, so he makes you feel that you should contact them; maybe you can help them, or show you care for them. But if you discern with the Holy Spirit, you will see this is not prudent or what God is calling you to do. It is a moment of weakness and a temptation wrapped up with a cutsie bow by a the big bad wolf dressed up like grandma (not granny Little Red). Christ tells us to cut out the things leading us to sin and that includes refraining from things that are from our past (just like alcohlics need to avoid alcohol). God’s salvation for them most likely involves others and from you He probably only deisres prayers, but not contact.
At this point, you sound like you are in a dessert moment. First, pick a Psalm like Psalm 23 (yes used a lot but a goodie) and read it slowly and let yourself experience those words at this moment. Next, look into a good spiritual director who can help you in your prayer life and strengthen you against moment of temptation. Even if you cannot find a spiritual director, taking up things like a daily mass, reading good spiritual reading (like St. Faustina’s Divine Mercy in My Soul-sooo good and Divine Mercy SUnday is this Sunday so its perfect to start), and prayer like Divine Chaplet or rosary (even a decade) can strengthen you more.
Do you have to tell your husband? I do not think you are required; in fact its probably best to bury the hatchet of the past and not bring it up continuously. We all have dirty laundry; thankfully God’s grace does really get out stains unlike my oxyclean or tide. Don’t have to point out where all the stains used to be… they are gone.
Hope that helps and PM me if you need more :thumbsup:


#6

Great minds think alike Truly Blessed :wink:


#7

Stay away from the people in your ‘old life’!

They are toxic and would relish the chance to drag you back.

You are not responsible to save every sinner. Especially if there is a chance you could return to those sinning ways.

Father Corapi said “I’m not going to hell for anyone”!:thumbsup:


#8

Lauraella,

Just offered today’s Divine Mercy chaplet for you!

Another thought came to me while I was praying it…maybe you’d find helping others avoid the sins you fell into to be healing. It could be something very direct-- like giving testimony to your parish’s Confirmation class, recalling your experiences and how you overcame sin. OR it could be something known only to you…like baking cookies for the youth group, or buying some school supplies for at-risk kids (our church does a drive each fall), etc. Maybe organizing/helping with a “pro-modesty” fashion show for the young girls of the parish would be nice.
That way maybe you’d feel like even if you’re not called to be “public” about your past, you can still offer support to groups that prevent others from falling into the same sins that once caught you.

Just a thought.

God Bless you!


#9

If you haven’t already, go to Confession. Put it all at Christ’s feet.
(and stay away from those former “friends”!)


#10

I agree with KCT. You’ve probably already been to confession; you have taken all that past and laid it at Jesus’ feet. You no longer have to worry about it. It is no longer your load. It is past. If we all had pick up our pasts and carry them around every day with us, none of us would be able to walk. God bless you.


#11

what the op is talking a bout is one of the hardest things to do and that is forgiving one’s self.like the saying goes hindsight is always 20/20…it has taken myself at least 3yrs to get over the way i lived my life and i am still haunted by my past even though God in His mercy has removed my sins as far as the east is from the west…do not dwell in the past but live for today and today has enough troubles without the past or the furture.


#12

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