So… this is kind of embarrassing, but it is a genuine problem that I’ve been dealing with for some time. Thanks be to God I overcame the habit of masturbating during conscious waking hours a long time ago. However, I am still plagued by sexual thoughts some nights (circa once a week).
On these nights, arousal begins, normally without the slightest stimulus from me, but once it has arrived there seems to be nothing I can do to get rid of it, nor can I get to sleep. Thoughts gradually overwhelm my sleepy mind, no matter what spiritual means I invoke. Normally, I eventually either sleepily (but consciously) masturbate; or, I have an ejaculation, not by direct masturbation, but just by becoming ‘overheated’ and wriggling (again not fully willfully, but nevertheless consciously. Either way, it is causing me to have real scruples.
On nights when this arousal begins, I am left with two choices. Firstly, battle on trying to sleep - but knowing from past experience that it is nigh on 100% that I will not sleep till I have ejaculated one way or the other. In the alternative, I can get up and do something else, which always calms the arousal; but, without fail, it returns the moment I attempt to sleep again, and I’m back to square one. In the meantime, I’m losing hours of sleep, and not apparently even avoiding the impure thoughts/illicit ejaculation.
At what point to I just have to accept that sleepy but conscious masturbation is unavoidable? How far is reasonable in denying myself sleep to avoid this?
I would be grateful for any informed advice.