I have been married for 9 years and have 2 children. My husband is a dairy farmer & works on average 16 hours a day, 7 days a week. He has very little time to spend with the family as he is always working. His single brother & his mother live at the house on the “main” farm (where the cows get milked), and we live down the road where all the young stock are kept. The farm income has to support both families, and dollars are stretched very very thin. I work full time outside the home to keep us fed & clothed.
The kids take the bus to my Mother-in-Law’s house after school so they get to spend time with their Dad when they are there. My son sees him more becasue he’s done with school at 11:00am, & has no school on Wednesday’s. I of course care for them the rest of the time. Family time runs from 7:30to about 8:30pm, which includes storytime, bedtime routine & about 1/2 hour TV (which my is quality time in my husband’s eyes).
I am starting to feel very lonly and long for time together as a family. When I’ve brought up to my husband how long he wants to work this hard when he is only falling farther behind or getting nowhere financially he changes the subject. If I keep going back to it he will admit that he loves farming and doesn’t want to give it up.
As I try to discern what to do I feel like that maybe this is the Cross that I have been given to bear, but at the same time I feel taken advantage of. I have totally supported him in his decission to keep farming in the past, but at what point am I bearing a Cross, and at what point am I being taken advantage of? I do feel like I am losing my love for him. You just can’t ignore a relationship & expect it to flourish! I do still love him, but it’s falling away from the love of a husband & moving toward the love of a very close friend. Any advice would be welcome.
By the way he is lutheran & does not go to Church with the kids and I (he doesn’t go to his church either). He does however totally support me in my faith, and all the teachings of the Church. He is a loving and kind person, and is helpful, but only to the extent that it doesn’t infringe on farming.
We tried couceling once, and maybe we need to go back, but that means giving up family time so I’m torn.