Becoming Catholic after having a family


#1

I started to get interested in the catholic faith a couple of years ago and since November of last year we have started attending Mass.It is really important to me that I do everything I can to bring them to God.I have a 3 year old daughter and an almost 8 year old son.Me and my boyfriend are not married and not really at a stage to get married(not because we are not committed but because of other reasons).My son behaves well in mass but just doesn't seem to be very enthusiastic about going.I also feel hypocritical talking about chastity to my son when we obviously haven't been ourselves.I also feel that my family is missing out on the euchrist.I am just hoping that there is someone out there who has been in a similar situation and can tell me how they helped their family to the faith.

Thankyou.


#2

[quote="cocoabean454, post:1, topic:202331"]
I started to get interested in the catholic faith a couple of years ago and since November of last year we have started attending Mass.It is really important to me that I do everything I can to bring them to God.I have a 3 year old daughter and an almost 8 year old son.Me and my boyfriend are not married and not really at a stage to get married(not because we are not committed but because of other reasons).My son behaves well in mass but just doesn't seem to be very enthusiastic about going.I also feel hypocritical talking about chastity to my son when we obviously haven't been ourselves.I also feel that my family is missing out on the euchrist.I am just hoping that there is someone out there who has been in a similar situation and can tell me how they helped their family to the faith.

Thankyou.

[/quote]

Have you spoken to the Priest yet?

You can enter RCIA either on your own or together, although you will be encouraged to withold from relations untill you have been married.

Everyone has sinned in the past, but that does not mean we should continue to, we should try to set a good example.

I am afraid to say, most children won't understand the Mass, particularily if they have not been taught what it means, have you had your children baptised? Usually children can be baptised up to about the age of 7 without any required teaching. So it's important to speak to your Priest about how to move forward as a family.

Best of luck, and welcome!


#3

Where is your boyfriend in this journey. Is he "on board"?
Is your bacground Catholic?
What about his?

Not sure why you say you are not in a place to get married with two children already but.....

As John said, talk to a priest ASAP.

Also begin aligning your life to that of the Church.

As Christ said to the adulterer, "...Then neither will I condemn you. Go and sin no more".

We are all sinners and I commend you for your desire to bring your children to God.

Be patient - but persistant.
Our prayers are with you.

Peace
James


#4

[quote="JRKH, post:3, topic:202331"]
Where is your boyfriend in this journey. Is he "on board"?
Is your bacground Catholic?
What about his? a
My boyfriend attends Mass with us.He says he respects the Catholic church teaching's but he would'nt go unless I wanted to.We are finacially struggling and he suffers from what I believe to be undiagnosed OCD.With other health problems he had which made him give up work I think he doesn't feel that we should get married now.
My background is not Catholic at all.I have always believed in God but never felt connected to him at the methodist church I went to as a child and as a teenager I didnt attend any church.When I started looking into the Catholic faith 2 years ago it just felt right and something I needed to persue.
Not sure why you say you are not in a place to get married with two children already but.....

As John said, talk to a priest ASAP.

Also begin aligning your life to that of the Church.

As Christ said to the adulterer, "...Then neither will I condemn you. Go and sin no more".

We are all sinners and I commend you for your desire to bring your children to God.

Be patient - but persistant.
Our prayers are with you.

Peace
James

[/quote]


#5

[quote="JohnDamian, post:2, topic:202331"]
Have you spoken to the Priest yet?

You can enter RCIA either on your own or together, although you will be encouraged to withold from relations untill you have been married.
Has anyone been in this situation and how do I go about it without causing problems in our relationship? ( the stopping sexual relations i mean)

Everyone has sinned in the past, but that does not mean we should continue to, we should try to set a good example.

I am afraid to say, most children won't understand the Mass, particularily if they have not been taught what it means, have you had your children baptised? Usually children can be baptised up to about the age of 7 without any required teaching. So it's important to speak to your Priest about how to move forward as a family.

Best of luck, and welcome!

[/quote]


#6

[quote="cocoabean454, post:5, topic:202331"]

Has anyone been in this situation and how do I go about it without causing problems in our relationship? ( the stopping sexual relations i mean)

[/quote]

YOu can pursue pursue RCIA without committing to entering the Church so in that you can move forward.

You will need to check with your pastor about your bapismal status. You may not have to be rebaptized.

BUT -
So long as you remain in an unmarried, sexual relationship, you will not be able to make a good confession and "there in lies the rub". Without a good confession you would be unable to receive the Eucharist or be confirmed.

I see no way around this one.

But again - I urge that you get to a priest and begin some counciling on these matters. There is no way that we can adequately advise you here.

Peace
James


#7

You really just need to have a good talk with the priest and your boyfriend, probably by yourself first, and then talk to the priest with your boyfriend. Also, people who are poor get married all the time, I don’t see how a financial situation means you can’t get married.


#8

My husband and I became Catholic when we had a 3 yr old and a 9 month old. Our kids had been baptized, so we just had a profession of faith for them. Older kids can make their own profession of faith. They can also choose to be baptized if they are old enough, just like an adult.

Both you and your boyfriend need to take the adult catechism class, RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults). This is a free, no-obligation class. Sometimes, they have free childcare, too. You should take it together even if he's not interested in becoming Catholic, just so he understands what you are getting into.

The class could help prepare you to become Catholic and to get married and make your relationship right. ( I know you have other issues, too, but perhaps those can be resolved while you take the class.) When your son sees you put an effort into making your relationship right, you will earn the right to talk to him about chastity.

Meanwhile, your son can also take a catechism. CCD is common, although I've taught CCD and my kids go to the parish school, and I have to say, the school is a MUCH better way to learn to be Catholic. You wouldn't expect a child to learn math or spelling in one hour a week -- religion can't be taught in one hour a week, either, even with experienced teachers who try their best and a great curriculum.

Your son is disinterested because he doesn't get it. It's your job to help him understand. He needs to ask questions, learn and grow in the faith with you. I know a family that came into the church when their oldest was 13 and their youngest was 7, and both the children chose to be baptized Catholic and are very committed to their faith -- but it took education to get there.


#9

"Has anyone been in this situation and how do I go about it without causing problems in our relationship? ( the stopping sexual relations i mean)"

It surely does cause problems when one person in the relationship wants to stop sexual relations and the other one doesn't.

But you're already in a situation with big problems. Being in a situation where you cannot instruct your children about chastity is a big problem. Being unwilling to marry but acting married (living together, having sex, raising kids, sharing paychecks, etc.) is a big problem. Being in a state of mortal sin (in danger of hell) is a very, very big problem.

So in a way, it's a matter of seeing which problems are worse than others and understanding that getting married will fix pretty much all of them. His OCD is not really an impediment to marriage -- it's an excuse. Plenty of people with OCD have successful marriages. Money is not a problem, either -- you can get married for the cost of a marriage license.


#10

[quote="Sparki777, post:9, topic:202331"]
"Has anyone been in this situation and how do I go about it without causing problems in our relationship? ( the stopping sexual relations i mean)"

It surely does cause problems when one person in the relationship wants to stop sexual relations and the other one doesn't.

But you're already in a situation with big problems. Being in a situation where you cannot instruct your children about chastity is a big problem. Being unwilling to marry but acting married (living together, having sex, raising kids, sharing paychecks, etc.) is a big problem. Being in a state of mortal sin (in danger of hell) is a very, very big problem.

So in a way, it's a matter of seeing which problems are worse than others and understanding that getting married will fix pretty much all of them. His OCD is not really an impediment to marriage -- it's an excuse. Plenty of people with OCD have successful marriages. Money is not a problem, either -- you can get married for the cost of a marriage license.

[/quote]

Yes my husband and I did this while engaged. We left one of our pre-marriage counseling sessions with deacon one day and talked about it and realized that it was wrong for us to be having sexual relations premaritally. Given the choice between partaking in Eucharist and partaking in premarital sex we chose Eucharist. It was simple when put like that. In this case your bf's OCD should be a gift. It is a simple rule to follow. Dating is about discerning marriage. It is not the relationship itself. He can't have his cake and eat it too. If you are serious about entering the Church this might be a good time to look at the relationship - if one or both of you does not think this is headed towards marriage it might be time to cut the relationship and find one that nourishes your soul.


#11

I haven't got a clue what to say because I don't know anybody in a situation like this, and I don't have a foggy idea about how to help you, except in this:

Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our tresspasses
as we forgive those who tresspass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth.
I believe in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord.
He was concieved by the Holy Spirit and born of the Virgin Mary.
He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended to the dead.
On the third day he rose again. He ascended into Heaven and is seated at the right hand of God the Father Almighty.
He will come again to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting.
Amen.

I) Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity, of Your Dearly Beloved Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, in attonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

1) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

2) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

3) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

4) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

5) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

6) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

7) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

8) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

9) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

10) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

II) Eternal Father, I offer You the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, in attonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

1) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

2) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

3) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

4) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

5) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.


#12

6) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

7) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

8) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

9) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

10) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

III) Eternal Father, I offer You the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, in attonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

1) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

2) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

3) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

4) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

5) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

6) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

7) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

8) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

9) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

10) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

IV) Eternal Father, I offer You the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your dearly Beloved Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, in attonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

1) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

2) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

3) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

4) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

5) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

6) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

7) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

8) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

9) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

10) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

V) Eternal Father, I offer You the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, in attonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

1) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

2) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

3) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

4) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

5) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

6) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

7) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

8) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

9) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

10) For the sake of his sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

I pray that you will be able to follow God's will for you, whatever it may be, and that you'll be able to come into the Catholic Family and join us, and that you'll know the beauty and fun and enjoyment of being Catholic, and desire it more than anything on Earth!


#13

Has anyone been in this situation and how do I go about it without causing problems in our relationship? ( the stopping sexual relations i mean)

I have not been in this exact situation but maybe I can help.

My wife has Endometriosis which is a condition that makes her have very bad cramps/pain during and for quite a while before she gets her period. Many months she is really only able to have sex one week. on top of that I work 2nd shift and we have kids at home so even when she is physically able, we may not have the opportunity.

Before we re-dedicated ourselves to the Catholic church we (mostly me) would "relieve" ourselves other sinful ways. I was VERY worried when we decided that we would no longer have any type of sexual relations that were not "open to life".

Its been about a month like this and we were only able to have marital relations three times. I won't lie and say its been all easy but it has been VERY rewarding. I never thought of masturbation as infidelity, and never considered it sinful to do sexual things that were not open to life with my wife before learning what/why the Catholic church taught. The newfound commitment to my wife, giving myself ENTIRELY to her has been such a blessing. Even the last two weeks where we have had to completely avoid sex due to her condition (with at least another week to look forward to) I am happy with our decision.

Its funny sometimes how you can think/believe something that goes against God for so long, then change the way you live to match what God wants and you realize just how wrong you were. Gods way truly is the best way!

Side note, if you and your boyfriend are no longer having sex he may quickly change his mind on if he thinks you are ready. lol

Long post short: Its not always easy but it is worth it!

I'll be praying for you and your family!


#14

I totally agree that his OCD and your financial struggles are simply excuses to not get married. Financial speaking, your situation is what it is regardless of being married or not. Do you seriously think that putting off marriage you will all of a sudden become richer? Do you seriously think that by putting off marriage, his OCD will disappear?

Young adults might say 'we can't afford to get married yet' so they each live at their parents (ie refrain from sex) get educations and then get married. But you already have kids together and there is no reason to wait.

Is it possible deep down you don't want to admit this is not the person you should marry? That is why you are content living together?

CM


#15

I firstly want to say a big thank you to all who have posted and for sharing your stories.Its really good to see it in black and white.Really what I have explained is the tip of a big iceburg.Prehaps with everything we have had going on I haven't wanted to push these issues and thought I was being more Catholic not laying down any pressure.Prehaps that is where I am going wrong.In other words I didn't want to lay down an ultimatum and put more stress on him.I sometimes wonder why God wants me to be Catholic now when I am finding it so hard to put faith in my home.


#16

If you find that it is so hard to put faith in your home — it is your home that needs to change. God bless you and may the Holy Spirit guide you on your path.


#17

[quote="cocoabean454, post:15, topic:202331"]
I firstly want to say a big thank you to all who have posted and for sharing your stories.Its really good to see it in black and white.Really what I have explained is the tip of a big iceburg.Prehaps with everything we have had going on I haven't wanted to push these issues and thought I was being more Catholic not laying down any pressure.Prehaps that is where I am going wrong.In other words I didn't want to lay down an ultimatum and put more stress on him.I sometimes wonder why God wants me to be Catholic now when I am finding it so hard to put faith in my home.

[/quote]

I can completely understand this, and is yet one more reason to seek spiritual counciling from someone with whom you can discuss all of these things in detail - one on one.

I think you are wise in not dumping them all here because, with so many responding, you are likely to ge many conflicting answers. Far better to get to a priest and get set up with someone who can guide you (and your boyfriend) on these complex matters.

I will say one thing though - You say that he may have OCD and this is one of the reasons that you haven't married. I assume because, for him anyway, everything must be "just so". If he does have OCD everything will never be "just so". That is part of the disease.

Peace
James


#18

[quote="JRKH, post:17, topic:202331"]
I can completely understand this, and is yet one more reason to seek spiritual counciling from someone with whom you can discuss all of these things in detail - one on one.

I think you are wise in not dumping them all here because, with so many responding, you are likely to ge many conflicting answers. Far better to get to a priest and get set up with someone who can guide you (and your boyfriend) on these complex matters.

I will say one thing though - You say that he may have OCD and this is one of the reasons that you haven't married. I assume because, for him anyway, everything must be "just so". If he does have OCD everything will never be "just so". That is part of the disease.

Peace
James

[/quote]

You have explained it how I wanted to explain it but could not find the words.One of my biggest issues is that he does not like to be left so I would find it hard to talk to my Priest about things.He also worries and does not like talking to others about his problems.


#19

[quote="cocoabean454, post:18, topic:202331"]
You have explained it how I wanted to explain it but could not find the words.One of my biggest issues is that he does not like to be left so I would find it hard to talk to my Priest about things.He also worries and does not like talking to others about his problems.

[/quote]

Based on what you say here, I must tell you that you are in a dangerous situation. Not physically necessarily but definately emotionally. The thing about OCD is that it is a "control issue" - It's about control. Everything must be controlled by him or else he is in trouble. This control extends to you as well. He must control you - have you near - not talk to others about things etc.

Now I'm not saying that he is doing this maliciously - far from it - it is just part of the overall disease. But at the same time you need to be careful about getting stuck in this. In co-operating with this you are only enabling his OCD. You could be in danger of losing your sense of self in his disease.

Whether he agrees to go or not, I suggest, even more strongly now than before, that you get a spiritual councilor to help you. If he refuses to go, then go alone. If he tries to prevent you going - Go anyway. It is for his good as well as yours.

Peace
James


#20

[quote="cocoabean454, post:18, topic:202331"]
You have explained it how I wanted to explain it but could not find the words.One of my biggest issues is that he does not like to be left so I would find it hard to talk to my Priest about things.He also worries and does not like talking to others about his problems.

[/quote]

So take him with you when you go talk to the priest. He doesn't have to say anything -- he can just listen. Or wait out in the waiting room with the kids.


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