Becoming catholic has ruined my romatic life


#1

So, I need to throw myself a pity party. Hope you will indulge me. I reverted three years ago and broke up with the guy I was dating at the time, and I haven’t gone on a single date since.

So, here’s my analysis of the problem. I am a conservative catholic and a black woman. There are not that many orthodox black men out there, and most conservative white men don’t even think of me as a woman although they won’t admit it. I never had this problem when I was dating secular guys. I had a steady stream of white boyfriends, if for no others reasons most liberals are happy to prove to themselves how open-minded they are.

Anyway, I am approaching 30, my mother is harrassing me, and I am so frustrated. :frowning: I am seriously thinking that I should just give up on the idea of finding a catholic and just marry someone outside of the faith…:shrug:


#2

You can still be a practising Catholic and marry outside your faith. If you marry someone of the Protestant denomination who hasn’t been married before, they may be willing to get married in your Church. :slight_smile:


#3

Yep! Of course, I think that adds complications, but what can you do? Life is full of sucky options.

Kendy


#4

Have you looked at Hispanic Catholic guys? Don’t limit your options to black and white:)


#5

Race is not a factor in my decision making, but I am afraid it is for most other people. I was interested in this Mexican guy at church, but my best friend, who is Mexican told me that he wouldn’t be interested because of my race. Well, that could just be her assumptions, but he didn’t seem all that interested. :frowning:

Not that it’s the most important thing, but I am actually very pretty. I got two phone numbers the other day by black men the other day on my way to and from the store, but neither of them were even Christian and one of them was married wanted them wanted to have an affair. But it was nice to at least be asked. Sometimes, it feels good just to know that some actually does want to get in your pants. :o


#6

I am sorry. God does work in mysterious ways. He will provide your other half. Keep trusting.


#7

You know what the suckiest part is. Working out on my heel spurs and eating spinach salad all the damn time so I can stay thin. It just sucks. :mad:


#8

It’s not about the weight. Keep working out thought, that is a heathy habit. I am a big girl and my husband loves me just fine. I’m rolly polly. lol. I think it is hard to find a good quality man. I think I heard of a Catholic singles website called Ave Maria. Race should not be a factor(There is no canon law stating anything about mixing races). I am in a mixed marriage. I am Puerto Rican and he is white(pennsylvania dutch).


#9

I have actually done those websites, not successfully. I don’t know what cannon law has to do with anything. People rarely acknowledge that race is a factor in their decisions. And it’s not that these guys have tried talking to me then they determined that they didn’t like me. It’s more like they don’t contact me at all. The ones I get occaionally are…well, I am not interested.

As for your marriage, obviously there are interracially couples out there. But while it has taken me years to admit it, I am now forced to acknowledge that black women are definitely on the bottom od the dating totem pole (and with 1/4 of black me my age with a prison record; it’s a much tougher market); Becoming catholic as only exacerbated that problem.

Kendy


#10

Society has weird standards of a dating totem pole. Don’t let them place you anywhere on it. Keep shining… When you aren’t looking that right person will appear.


#11

I appreciate your words of encouragement, but I unfortunately live in society. And God doesn’t always do such a hot job of controlling his children.


#12

Dear Kendy;

I’m so sorry to hear of your troubles! I have no advice to offer, really - just a hug to try to make you feel better. :hug3:


#13

Don’t stay too thin - you don’t want to be mistaken for a boy … :wink:


#14

ahahaha! Aint the truth? I just finished a 4 month diet and well…come on, enough is enough!
:smiley:


#15

Thank you.


#16

I have enough fat in specific areas to avoid that problem. :wink:


#17

I just had a two suzanne cookies. It felt damn good, but I am still hungry. But wait! I have an exciting can of V8 waiting for me. :rolleyes:


#18

Hi Kendy;

I don’t necessarily think that being Catholic has ruined your romantic life, as much as it has narrowed down the best suitors for you, at this point in your life. I think it’s better to have a dry spell of dating, than date the wrong men, just to say at least I’m dating. I remember back in college, it was tough to find conservative Catholic white guys, and I am white–they just were caught up in partying and wanting to have sex. Thankfully, I met a man 10 yrs my senior, a conservative Catholic man, who really loved the fact that I was a devout Catholic young lady. I think that maybe going a little older could help you, in this regard.

Also–have you tried any Catholic dating sites online, or e-harmony? That way, you can request your stats, and probably have a better chance of meeting a number of men who are Catholic, as opposed to trying to find a needle in a haystack out in the secular world. Not, that it’s impossible, I believe you can find a great Catholic man out in the real world…but, you might have to wait a little longer. Hang in there, and keep praying for God’s will in all of it.:slight_smile: ((hugs))


#19

Big huge hugs. My best friend is a black woman and is in the process of Conversion, she wonders why there are so few brown faces in the pews at Mass each Sunday.

Are you aware of this apostolate? nbccongress.org/ There are tons of events -

If marriage is your vocation, keep searching for a devout Catholic man. Sacramental marriage with someone who shares your faith is the most precious thing. There is nothing more attractive than a man who goes to Adoration :slight_smile:

Keep your head high, keep a smile on your face and do not settle.


#20

Maybe your Mr. Right likes a woman with more curves? seriously, it is more likely that since becoming Catholic you have raised your standards considerably, and somebody that might have been a possible formerly is now a “forget it”. Would you really want to spend a lifetime with some of those shallow jerks who would even put race on the radar screen? spend your spiritual energy discerning your vocation, and if it turns out to be marriage, trust that God will put the right man in your path (which is not to say you cannot be out looking at the same time).


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