I have been a devout and practicing Catholic since I was young…I was baptized at 8 years of age and I was drawn very closely to Our Lord…I hit a rough spot in my faith during my teenage years, and since then it’s been a struggle. I’ve never once doubted my Faith, if you will, but I’ve had periods where I have not been as devoted as I should be.
My husband, who is neither Catholic nor baptized (he is nothing religiously…he believes in God/Heaven/Hell, but falls short in Faith). He has gone to Sunday Mass with me practically every week, and through my desire to eventually convert him, my Faith has grown stronger, especially recently since I’ve moved to a different country and am no longer in my home parish…my Faith has been renewed and I can feel the Lord working in my life. This would be the second night in a row that my husband and I prayed the Rosary together, and other prayers. I couldn’t get to sleep afterward so I decided to pray another Rosary, and chose the Sorrowful mysteries. Everything was going fine until the beginning of the 5th mystery when thoughts of the Devil flooded my mind and how angry he was that I was praying, and how scared I was to make him angry, for fear of attack. Fear started to over take me as I prayed, but then I remembered I had God on my side, so I started praying harder, finished the rosary, rebuked the Devil in the name of Jesus, and prayed to Saint Michael. Relief flooded over me and so I said a few more prayers, and then went to my living room where I keep my Holy Water. My two young cats were sitting on my couch nearest where I keep my holy water and they were visibly spooked about something and acting strangely as I approached them. I brought the Holy water into my bedroom with me and the kittens followed me and are now sleeping very close to the bottle.
Attacks of fear are not unusual for me…they used to happen many times, and I’ve woken in the middle of the night, completely paralyzed, while an attack of fear is happening (the most recent only last week). The first time I remember this happening was last summer, and I felt an evil presence near my head and a dark voice say “You will be mine.” I’ve learned to fight through them…Prayers to Mary and St. Michael seem to be the best help.
About 6 or 7 years ago I had a dream where I was in a Monastery, and I was being guided around by some Monks…I reached a well that went through the middle of the monastery, all the way up to the roof. I remember looking in, and being told to be careful, that the well was where the monks would banish the demons they found. I was grabbed by something in the well, and right as I was about to be pulled in, I found myself pulled back and I landed on the roof, safe. I attributed this to the Angels. This dream seemed to foreshadow my current struggles and has troubled me for a long time.
Does any of this sound like an over active imagination? Sometimes I fear that it’s just my mind playing tricks on me…I’ve talking to people who say it’s only my imagination or offer other logical explanations. I’ve noticed my struggles do get worse whenever I pray more often, though.
Any prayers or suggestions would be appreciated and welcomed!