This is pretty difficult for me to put down in a public forum, but I am going through a bit of a crisis of faith so to speak. From what I’ve figured I probably fit the definition of being a closeted homosexual and this is the first time I’ve told anyone ever. This has been a very difficult post for me to even consider. I have an extremely loving family who are all very conservative, and as it stands I don’t think I can ever reveal my secret to them because I can’t imagine hurting those who sacrificed so much already for my happiness.
I have always sought a close relationship to God growing up, so as my sexual urges developed they shocked me. I had no desire for them and I prayed for them to go away, but lo and behold 10 years later they remain. I have never been in a relationship whatsoever, to me my urges are simply mechanical but boy howdy are they strong. As it stands I agree with pretty much all church social doctrine from abortion to women’s ordination and I truly want to seek union with God as humanly possible so this conflict pretty taxing. It is tearing my mind apart and occupies way too much of my energy for me to foresee much long term happiness. I’m also entering a field of work that is notoriously difficult, and I am afraid without a soul mate I might fall under pressure. I wouldn’t think it fair for the lady in the relationship if I were enter a heterosexual union.
Outside of that I love the church, there’s very few things that bring me more peace than to kneel down in an empty chapel and adore the Eucharist. But I can’t seem to reconcile these urges with god’s plan for me. This is one aspect in my prayer life in which god has been profoundly silent :shrug: Any thoughts?
thanks and god bless ye