Being too nice...

anybody have the problem fo being too nice… in terms of being godly. sometimes , which, this has nothing to do with being toonice, i give in or give benefit to the doubt in thought or however, to the person or peopel or ungodliness, thus , risking my own salvation and point of view…

i think this is am atter of becoming more firm in the faith,

anyone want to share with me?

Do you truly risk your salvation by giving others the benefit of the doubt? I don’t think so.

“Nice” has gotten a bad rap because people think it means having no moral backbone and saying yes to everyone and everything. You can stand up for what you believe and still be nice, that is, considerate of the other person. I think there are enough people in this world who feel no need to be nice, and the world suffers for it.

Only small children and old folks appreciate nice people. Maybe that’s why those are the only ones I care to be around these days.

I think of this verse in Sirach… “Admonish your brother, he may not have done it, but admonish so he will not do it again.” Although I think we must take the Wisdom books with a grain of salt, for sometimes “admonishing” people especially if you are not sure they have done anything, will make them angry and less likely to change. I think it is better to ask people questions in a roundabout way without directly accusing them of any vice… like Jesus asked the Pharisees, “Who does the will of my Father–he who says ‘I won’t do what you want’ but then goes and does it, or he who says ‘I’ll do what you want’ and doesn’t do it?” The Pharisees answer “the first does the Father’s will.” So they condemn themselves… Jesus doesn’t have to do it for them… you can ask people, what is the purpose of getting drunk? for example. And, What is the purpose of drinking alcohol? Do you think some things are like buying soft socks–they are very pleasant at first but with use they become boring and unpleasant and sad? you can ask, Is this really the life you want to live? Are you happy?–but these two questions are best saved for people who know you care about them. You can make people think, plant seeds… but being nice does not mean burying your head in the sand if YOU KNOW someone is hurting herself… if you are not sure, be on the alert, ask certain questions so that if they are engaging in self-destructive behavior, those questions will make them think… without you knowing if they are doing anything or not.

Sometimes one can try to please people, so much that it’s excessive.

Yes, I have that problem, too.

I have the quality of kindness, however I’m too often not able to see God in the people i meet and talk to. I also have the problem of saying “yes” when I’d like to say “no”. My problem and yours can be taken care of by seeing God in others.

Could you give a specific example to make sure I understand exactly what you mean?

Yes being too nice is often perceived as being a doormat. It’s one thing to be kind and another to be a mouse. I actually prefer people to tell me their honest opinion. When I ask someone what they want to do, I want a real response, not a whatever you want to do answer.

Does being nice equal being meek? or being humble? or trying to understand the other person? if it is a question of random kindness like giving someone a lift, or loaning something you won’t miss anyway there is no problem. The conflict comes when being nice goes against the grain. Like dealing with a relative who irritates you deliberately, or a neighbour who throws his trash into your garden, or an irate driver who thinks you’re going too slow. I have experienced moments when my heart was pounding with fury, but I smiled and reined in my voice.I tell myself that it is more important that I live as my God expects me too than give into the rage that fills my mind. No one appreciates it, no one cares, but its good for my soul so I do it.;

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