I’m a single orthodox Catholic (I’ve always been single) who has recently gone through a premature mid-life crisis of sorts. I’ve been on a sickness benefit for years (I’m obsessive compulsive) and as such, at 29 I still don’t have a career. I fear that I have wasted my 20’s (in fact such was the state of my depression recently that friends of mine almost had to make me eat.) Being single and unemployed has afforded me many opportunities for personal development, such as prayer and furthering my education, and yet I am at the end of my 20’s and fear that I have nothing to offer. It’s not all bad, I am a published poet, and my conversion from cradle Catholic to orthodox Catholic was during my unemployment and gave me heaps of time to read articles at places like catholiceducation.org, the forums here, and read good books. I finished my university degree shortly before turning 21, but have been drifting ever since.
Recently I had the privilege of befriending a young single orthodox Catholic woman who’s holiness caught my attention in Church last year. I think about her all the time now that I’ve met her, but don’t know exactly what to do. In fact, meeting her and talking to her was what triggered the crisis - now that my heart has ‘acquired a target’ I worry that I’m not where I should be in life. I would like to write her a short letter complimenting her on her holiness and inviting her for a coffee, but fear that it may be too bold a move. When she’s around, all I want to do is talk to her, though I worry about being seen as (for want of a better way of saying it,) following her around. A consequence of my mental illness is that I twitch a lot, especially when I get stressed, excited, nervous (or way too much caffeine) and worry that I might be scaring her or that she might find me a little offputting. I also fear that being unemployed may put her off, since she may get the impression that I’m not going anywhere.
It is my sincere hope to marry one day, and that woman I marry will be an orthodox Catholic who seeks holiness first and foremost.
I am praying about this and praying for her daily.
Your advice and prayers are most appreciated, especially prayers for peace in my heart.