I see a lot of threads on here about marriages and thought I would start a thread of the best marriage advice you were given, before or during your marriage. I am guessing this has been done before, though it is always a good refresher.
AWESOME. I’ll be checking back on this thread often!
This is a neat thread!
The best advice ever given to me was last year, in confession, by (at that time) my parish priest…who said that ‘my husband and I are one flesh. There is no need to debate or compete with one another, because we are one. When I’m hurting, he is, and visa versa. When couples start viewing each other as one flesh–they will be more in harmony–because they are working towards the betterment of the one–not of their individual selves.’
That advice stuck with me, and it really made a marked change for the better in my marriage. I would like to think my marriage was already doing well–but I think after hearing that, we just became more loving and self giving to one another.
Mine was very similar. The day before our wedding our priest sat us down and told us “now remember you are becoming ONE with God, it is like the trinity, you can’t have one without the other two” he said some other stuff on this, it has always stuck with both of us.
Be very careful who you marry.
That’s the best advice. If you wait until you have issues, it’s too late.
I like this! It reminds me of a cross I have hanging in our kitchen ith these words on it: “Marriage Takes Three.”
Whatevergirl, I liked your post too. Very touching.
I like that–marriage takes three!
Also…I had a friend who once said…‘when in doubt, do nothing.’ (this was when my husband and I were thinking of divorcing a while back) Thankfully, we did nothing!
Just when you thought you were right, you wife will tell you otherwise…
…No wait that is not it…
…oh I remember, the man wears the pants in the family, but the wife tells him which leg to put in first…
…:nope:…that is not it either…
…No means no…
Here you go:
“fall asleep on one pillow every night for the rest of your life.”
I did not receive that advice, but gave it as the best man at my brother’s wedding.
The best advice that I received was that the three become one.
1 The wife is always right
2. If she is wrong refer to rule 1
Love is a decision not an emotion.
I love that!!!
I’ll second, third or whatever the advice on it takes three. We even chose our wedding bands to remind us of this.
You are marrying someone who has built-in expectations of how you ought to show that you love him/her. These expectations come from the other’s family life and upbringing and he/she doesn’t even know that he/she has these expectations. You suffer from the same unconscious blindness. The only way to live together is to discover how the other expects to be loved and do it.
Every morning get up and say to yourself “Today I am going to be married to this person.”
Every night make sure you are on speaking terms with the person in bed with you.
Over 36 years of trying to make this work. It might just be taking.
I agree to an extent…you have been married for 36 years? Congratulations…that’s great!
Learn and understand the 5 languages of love. Know what your language is…Know what your spouse’s language is. Know how to fill their “Love Tank”.
“Respect and communication” My aunt repeated it over and over and over again the day of our wedding.
W/o them, the marriage fails.
Ok - first of all, I absolutely LOVE that!!! How I would love to have that stenciled on my bedroom wall.
I’ll add - though not nearly as sweet:
Know how you fight before you get married. How you argue/fight/disagree - whatever - and make up, are so very important to know before you get married. It can show you things you need to work on, or maybe even something you can’t live with for the rest of your life. Marriage is not always smiles and sunshine - knowing how we problem solve and get past difficult times can make or break a marriage if we are not careful.
sigh After almost 20 years, some of the best advice I’ve got, I got from myself!:rolleyes:
DON’T fight in front of other people. Really. Nothing has ever made me more uncomfortable than to be in the presence of a bickering couple!
DON’T put each other down. If you can’t say anything nice about your spouse to your spouse or to someone else, then don’t say anything.
Compliment your spouse to other people, whether your spouse is listening or not. Believe me, eventually it’ll get back to your spouse (“Oh, Paul never stops talking about how you make the best enchiladas!” “Paul told us how you made a wonderful dinner for his parents when they were under the weather.”)
Say “Thank you” to each other. When she cooks dinner, when he takes out the garbage, when she pays the bills, when he cleans the cat litter box (and he HATES cats), SAY “THANK YOU”. Wouldn’t it be rude if someone else did those things for you and you DIDN’T thank them?
Make time for each other. JUST each other. Even if it’s just 15 minutes a day to sit and look in the other’s eyes when they’re talking instead of letting them talk to the back of your head while you’re doing “more important” stuff. Go out ALONE together, even if it’s just for a walk around the block.
Pray together. Go to church together. Thank God for each other… EVERY DAY.
And then the only advice my mother ever gave me and I have followed it faithfully for 20 years…
“If you have a fight, DO NOT TELL ME ABOUT IT. Do NOT involve other family members. Do NOT run home to Mama. Deal with it between the two of you.”
(Okay, what she actually said was, “Dirty laundry is washed at home, not at the neighbor’s house and certainly not at your mother’s!” but I understood.)
I just saw this on CNN.com and thought it very apropos to the discussion.
‘Don’t fight in front of the kids’ and other advice you can ignore
I don’t agree with the best friend bit, but I do agree with the rest.
I will second that one
That was one of my “requirements” before I married my husband. My MIL still trys, she tells him now and then, “I know things can’t be as great all the time” he just smiles and says yes they are
I also agree with the talking nice about your spouse even if they are not there. And not fighting in front of other.
Ohhhhhh, actually I agree with your whole post!!!