How would I go about talking to my female friends about not wearing a bikini or something showing their midriff. :confused:I don’t want to be controlling but I want them to be aware of what that causes in men. Especially young men like myself. Most of my female friends are Catholics and a good amount of them are practicing Catholics.

Bl Pope John Paul II noted in his book Love and Responsibility that often women due to the way they are as women *(they do not experience things in the same way as men do) -are not conscious of the way things effect men. They have to learn such.

Respectfully maybe you should consider controlling your own impulses before you impose your views of modesty on others.

Yes and they would be incorrect…and correct. Correct in controlling impulses and incorrect in saying anyone is trying to impose anything one anyone …

Modesty in the Catechism:

I try the best I can with my own impulses. However it doesn’t help when I am walking around town and girls but my friends specifically are showing more than need be. It is prove scientifically that men start to think of women as meat when they see to much. Now this can be controlled by I wish to avoid temptation. Also the reason I am asking is to avoid imposing my view of modesty on others because I don’t want to be controlling but I DO WANT MY SISTERS TO BE PLEASING TO GOD.

2521 Purity requires modesty, an integral part of temperance. Modesty protects the intimate center of the person. It means refusing to unveil what should remain hidden. It is ordered to chastity to whose sensitivity it bears witness. It guides how one looks at others and behaves toward them in conformity with the dignity of persons and their solidarity.

Who decides what is modest or immodest, who decides what “should remain hidden”? This imprecise dictum gives no guidance on what is modest or immodest or “should remain hidden”. Some Muslims find a woman’s face immodest and it should be covered so even their eyes are not seen. Are we that draconian? Have we not evolved beyond considering women’s bodies a perpetual trap of lust for men ? Men with raging God given impulses should decide to impose that definition on women? I find beautiful women dressed from head to toe appealing and sexy so maybe since I find them appealing I should just tell women it is immodest to be in public. You see the problem here?

Yes Christians have a responsibility to dress in a reasonably modest way and not be a source of stumbling for their brothers. Often though as pointed out above - Christian women do not realize the effects -and simply wish to ‘look good’. It can take some time and knowledge etc (and effort in shopping–as I recall when my wife last shopped for a modest swimsuit)

One good source –

The virtues of chastity, modesty, prudence and above all charity.

Unless we are dealing with your child or some person that you have an obligation to raise in a right manner then I suggest that you consider that they have the freedom to do as they wish and not judge them. Because that is exactly what you are doing–judging them by your standards of modesty.

Who is judging? Where? I see no judging.

I want you to understand I am not disagreeing with you. But on the same token I think we must not dictate to others what they should or should not do especially since what might be immodest to one person is not immodest to another. A good example might be men who wear tight shirts to show their muscles. They do this because they are proud of the way they look not to turn on a homosexual or some woman. We are each responsible for our own impulses. Our behavior is not deterministic it is ours and ours alone.

Who is judging? Where? I see no judging.

You are. You and others who think like you are imposing your version of modesty on others. In some places this is done under pain of death and force of law. We are beyond this in the West now–I hope.

The person is not seeking to “dictate” to others…he was asking how to assist them in understanding and living modesty --for his sake yes -and others (an article may help -written by a woman). Such is the act of charity we call “fraternal correction”.

The act by which someone leads another into sin is called -the sin of scandal. Now I am not saying his friends are committing sin --for they are likely just thinking they are looking attractive in a good way.

Now do we have a responsibility for our own actions etc? - yes of course. And* others* can have a responsibility for their actions that tempt us to sin (Jesus was rather clear -temptations will come but “woe to” the person* by which they come!*)…though often here they may not realize such.

It looks like underwear. As a beauty contestant friend told me: “I don’t want people seeing me in my underwear.” That’s why she only wore one-piece bathing suits in competitions.


A no…no judging of any persons.

There is some mis-information here on what “judging” means.

If anything I have offered an “excuse” on their behalf.

Interestingly when the Bikini was introduced – no model was willing to model it.

I think the OP should be commended for his attitude, and not be seen as being controlling or judgmental of his female friends. I think he sincerely concerned about his own soul and his sisters in Christ. That is commendable! As an older man I can attest that at any mans age, you women dont realize how hard wired we men are to the female form! Yes, it is our responsibility to respond to the natural impulses God gave us…immediately. However, women to have a responsibility to dress modestly too! What that means may differ, and a man should not demand that a woman dress according to his dictates of modesty. Women have been controlled by men for centuries, so we should be sensitive how we raise the issue. But what the OP wrote, he simply asked about how he could raise the issue. Simply being vulnerable and letting his female friends know his concern seems perfectly virtuous! He was not suggesting he force the girls into a burqa. So, let your friends know how you feel, and simply ask if they could cover up a little when youre around or otherwise you may have to pass when asked to go the beach, pool etc. with them. Dont expect them to change, and be ready to remove yourself from their view.

Youre not alone as a young man. I had a younger friend whos wife liked to wear revealing clothes. I simply apologized to my friend that I caught myself gazing at her exposed body parts, and simply joked that she cover up or Im going to have to be obvious in my avoiding looking straight at her. I wasnt demanding my friends wife cover, up and i certainly wasnt going to talk to his wife directly about it. But I wanted him to know I was sorry for disrespecting him and his wife for looking at her, but also that the way she dresses doesnt help. It was up to him to decide what to do. He must have suggested that she dress more appropriately because from that point forward, she did. And it wasnt because she caught me, because she dressed like that frequently and Im sure she caught my gaze before. The point is , there is nothing wrong with asking in a polite manner. It shows you respect them as well as yourself.

You could simply say: “you know girls, youre very attractive. Im sorry if youve caught my eyes (if youve actually been guilty), but your bikinis dont help. Since I dont want to be disrespectful, ill try not to, look and if you want to try to help me you could cover a little too.” You can say it in a teasing way , without being too serious and still be friendly and get your point across. And if they tell you its just your problem or simply dont cover up, you know what you have to do.

God bless you for your concern! Your future wife is going to love you for that!

edit: note your a guy so what I said doesn’t exactly apply

but at the same time you can still be an example by encouraging girls to dress modestly.

It is not a girl asking :wink:

There is a different reason for him not to wear such…

Maybe I am I will take with a priest on this. Still I don’t think it is acceptable for women to be showing off any part of their breast which is the main thing

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