Bipolar and pregnancy/ should I have a tubal?


#1

I have been married for 4 years and have a 1 and 3 year old and am pregenat with my third child. With this pregnancy I attempted to come off my meds, because they are dangerous to unborn children. This has been so hard for my family because I cannot funtion or take care of my children. I scream and cry and am a huge mess. All i can do is lay in bed and cry. My children need a mom, but I am not able to be that person and need to be hospitalized. I just went back on my meds even though there is a high risk of birth defects. I am scared for my new baby and for my children. My family is falling apart and we will not be able to make it like this much longer. I do not believe in Taking most birth control because of the risk of miscarriage. I think that a good option that would keep me from getting pregnant again would be getting a tubal. What do you think? I plan on talking to our local parish priest this week abot this concern.


#2

[quote="icewing726, post:1, topic:241009"]
I have been married for 4 years and have a 1 and 3 year old and am pregenat with my third child. With this pregnancy I attempted to come off my meds, because they are dangerous to unborn children. This has been so hard for my family because I cannot funtion or take care of my children. I scream and cry and am a huge mess. All i can do is lay in bed and cry. My children need a mom, but I am not able to be that person and need to be hospitalized. I just went back on my meds even though there is a high risk of birth defects. I am scared for my new baby and for my children. My family is falling apart and we will not be able to make it like this much longer. I do not believe in Taking most birth control because of the risk of miscarriage. I think that a good option that would keep me from getting pregnant again would be getting a tubal. What do you think? I plan on talking to our local parish priest this week abot this concern.

[/quote]

I will pray for you and your family. I know that it can be very hard to be in a situation like this one but it is never permissable to have a tubal. The only options one has who does not want children for a good reason (obviously you have a good reason) are to abstain completely which is difficult but an option and the most effective in preventing pregnancy or to use NFP. This is usually very effective if done correctly and there are Catholic organizations that can especially help. There are many different methods and I'm sure there are resources on this website and posters on this website which/who will be better at giving you information on NFP. It is a good idea to talk to your priest personally however I will warn you in advance that if he advises you to go ahead with the procedure he is incorrect.

Again, I will keep you in my prayers
Tom


#3

[quote="icewing726, post:1, topic:241009"]
I have been married for 4 years and have a 1 and 3 year old and am pregenat with my third child. With this pregnancy I attempted to come off my meds, because they are dangerous to unborn children. This has been so hard for my family because I cannot funtion or take care of my children. I scream and cry and am a huge mess. All i can do is lay in bed and cry. My children need a mom, but I am not able to be that person and need to be hospitalized. I just went back on my meds even though there is a high risk of birth defects. I am scared for my new baby and for my children. My family is falling apart and we will not be able to make it like this much longer. I do not believe in Taking most birth control because of the risk of miscarriage. I think that a good option that would keep me from getting pregnant again would be getting a tubal. What do you think? I plan on talking to our local parish priest this week abot this concern.

[/quote]

Hi Icewing,

I wish I could give you an easy answer, I really do. But there are no exceptions; both contraceptives and sterilizations are sinful under all circumstances.

Have you been in touch with Couple to Couple League? It is possible to practice NFP in such a way that it is just as effective as a tubal ligation. Not so easy, but quite do-able. I would get some sort of one-on-one counsel since your circumstances are so difficult. You are right to plan on avoiding further pregnancy.

Make sure your pre-natal caretaker is pro-life, or at least is giving you zero pressure in terms of respecting the life of your unborn child. Could your priest maybe find someone in the parish to volunteer assistance to you? Just some ideas. Maybe a pregnancy resource center would have some better ideas? They so often deal with the most difficult circumstances.

I hope I was helpful to you. I will say some prayers for you today.

God Bless,
Joan


#4

The pregnancy warnings on bipolar meds are scary, aren't they? I am bipolar as well, and while I am not married and don't have any children, I do keep track of those side effects with each of the meds I've taken so that I could talk about it with my doctor(s) before it became a major issue.

My first suggestion to you would be, don't make any permanently life-altering decisions (getting a tubal) now, while you are not at your best. Right now, you are off your meds and having trouble dealing with daily life. Your post indicates that you literally are not able to think about all the consequences of such a decision at the moment.

Your first step should be to talk to your doctor about getting back into a treatment regimen (meds, therapy, whatever has worked for you). Your family needs you!

Once you are stable, then talk to your doctors (ob-gyn, mental health, other docs) about the various side effects of different meds and what the best option is for you. If your docs don't know (and they may not) ask your pharmacist for a consult. Pharmacists have to know how different meds interact and which ones have side effects. If you can, look up the side effects for your meds online and print them off so you have a starting point for the discussion.

Once you have more information, you, your husband, and your doctors can work together to form a treatment plan that (hopefully) allows for future pregnancy.

I don't know what your doctors will recommend, but you should be working with them to find the solution, not asking an internet forum.

EDIT: I agree with the previous posters, finding a doctor who understands Natural Family Planning will make it a lot easier


#5

[quote="icewing726, post:1, topic:241009"]
I just went back on my meds even though there is a high risk of birth defects. I am scared for my new baby and for my children.

[/quote]

If you are pregnant or breastfeeding and haven't informed your prescribing therapist/psychiatrist as well as your personal physician that you've resumed taking psychotropic medications, I would urge you in the strongest terms possible to inform them ASAP.


#6

I have been using NFP all my marriage and have had little success. My cycles are so sporadic and unpredictable. I have takes extreme caution in working around my furtile time. I also do not believ that a husband and wife should abstain form marital relations. My children would only suffer from a disconnected marriage and so would I. I have talked with my ob about this and she says if I need the meds then I need to take them. I m very prolife and would never ever consider harming one of my children, even with birth control pills. This is a very sticky situation, and I believe I need to keep from getting pregnant again for everyones sake. Thank you for your imput.


#7

I have bipolar and it has been terrible in the past although now I am vastly improved with medicine, therapy and some hospitalizations. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. It sounds like things are really stressful right now. Hang in there and with the right help things will get better.

In this thread, you are asking questions that involve serious health conditions. Please talk to your doctor and disregard all advice from people who do not know you. If you talk to a priest please coordinate that with your doctor. Whether your situation involves medication, a hospitalization, or other help, doctors who know you can best help you. Going into the hospital often feels terrible at first but with the right help, things get a lot better. An inpatient hospital program that lasted just 18 days really turned me around.

Also if there are family or people at Church who are supportive please ask them to provide help such as caring for your children. This is a time for other people to pitch in, as much as possible.

I hope you feel better.


#8

bipolar-lives.com/bipolar-pregnancy.html

This might be a good resource for you.

Its important to recognize that sex’s procreative aspects are a gift from God and a part of our sexuality. If we are going to keep the marital act a truly sacramental act as God intended, than we need to not mess with it. We can however choose to abstain from it. Natural Family planning is one way use periodic abstainence to still allow some sexual activity in the marriage while abstaining during times you’d be most likely to get pregnant to regulate births. You do seem to have a valid reason, but it is important to remember that every pregnancy is a gift from God. As a friend told me, trust God more than a method.


#9

I have made my way through some pretty monstrous problems so I want to try to give you (non-medical mind you) advice person to person. This isn't the best forum for that but you make do.

What you have going on in your life is most likely a symptom of something else. Maybe it's something from your past, maybe it's a faulty belief about God or yourself or a combination of these. You need to talk to someone who can help you get to the bottom of this, whether that be a trained therapist or just a trusted friend who KNOWS you. And don't just take the first explanation if it doesn't feel right or doesn't seem to explain things. I know. I've had so much trauma in my childhood as did my brother, and neither of us came out of it "normal", but what is normal? It's a broad spectrum! You can't compare yourself to others you just have to try to get at what feels right for you.

And don't try to totally get out of responsibility here. I know people do this because I'VE done it many times. If you are thinking horrible thoughts, stop and refocus. If you can't control the thoughts, it might be OCD. I've had that too, and what helped was to take rests and be easy on myself sometimes - stop trying to be perfect. Be kind to yourself and surround yourself with supportive people. If there is someone in your life who is majorly bringing stress and bringing you down, it's time to let go - at least for now - of that relationship. Reduce stress, talk talk talk to someone who really cares, and be brave in facing the unpleasant things in life and in yourself that you don't want to face.

My brother is bipolar now, and I think in part, he never learned to relate to people. He always wanted to be alone, but he has this burning need to relate and recieve attention and love that he can't fulfill that way. I used to talk to him for hours and hours late into the night, and it really helped him a lot.


#10

Just one more thing, I know how it feels sometimes but someday you might feel very differently. You might even be cured and really want another child, even if that's hard to imagine. In a way, saying no is an act of despair. It is saying I don't believe things can possibly get better, I don't believe in miracles. Fill your mind with hope instead. I know what it is to not want to believe, but fake it till ya make it. Get up, shower, get dressed and put on a smile even if it's the last thing in the world you want to do, let your feet do the walking, even if your kids have to see you cry in front of them sometimes (hormones do that anyway - it's normal!!). Surround yourself with people who are optimistic, and try to see life from that point of view. I fought it for years, because I thought it was cheezy or wrong, but it really is a better way to live.

Also, I highly highly recommend cognitive-behavioral therapy just because it has helped me so much with OCD. If you google it try to find someone who is licensed to practice it.


#11

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