Bipolar spouse...feeling down :(


#1

I could use some prayers and perhaps someone to talk to. My husband is bipolar and has been having an episode- when he is like this he turns into a different person, much less capable (and at times totally incapable) of kindness and affection.

Thankfully, it’s much better than it used to be but it still always throws me into a state of mild depression for a few days when it happens- which isn’t great because I have 2 small children at home…so this is a disadvantage to them, plus it gives me almost no opportunity to get away and just take a needed break…

:frowning:


#2

Praying for you, your husband, and your little children.:gopray:


#3

You know, many of our Saints would have never been so declared had it not been for them having very difficult spouses. Many were beaten, or otherwise abused, etc. Some were just terribly difficult to live with.

Hang in there, but remember to offer up your sufferings. There are many souls awaiting for redemptive suffering to be offered up to God to help them out! :)


#4

My dd has just been diagnosed with bipolar. It is a living nightmare, so I feel for you. I will pray, pray and pray for you, your husband and family. Might I suggest he ask his dr. about lithium, if he isn't on it already. We are getting dd ready to start lithium. I am very hopeful this will help her to cope. Hang in there and be safe!!!


#5

Thanks so much to all- thankfully, my husband came home feeling mostly fine today and it seems that this one has blown over. :)


#6

Dear Phoooiee,
I'm sure what you are going through is difficult, being on the other end of the spectrum.
Since I am bipolar maybe I can give you some insight. I was diagnosed last year so I'm
still learning about the disorder, but my Therapist told me that even with medications and being stable we still have a 20% chance of a breakthrough of mania or depression. That's not bad compared to what life is like without meds. ;) The trick is to learn what our triggers are and to watch out for them and most importantly learn how to manage them. There are a lot of resources online and many books on the subject to help him "manage" if he is willing. I hope this has been a little helpful for you. If you want you can contact me personally and I will be more than happy to help in any way I can.

God bless,
Deedledum


#7

My husband has some bipolar tendencies and takes medication for it. I'm so happy that he was finally diagnosed and is getting treatment for it. We spent the first 2-3 years of our marriage living with the rollercoaster of depression and sleeping constantantly and then him going through stages where he stays awake continuously for days doing things that make no sense to me. Like the OPs husband, mine becomes unkind and sometimes even vicious. Thank God he was diagnosed and is getting treated. We're seeing very few episodes lately. Hang in there, phoooiee! It's hard not to blame our spouses, but bipolar disorder is really a sickness they have little to no control over. Pray that the Holy Spirit blesses your marriage with patience and kindness.


#8

So glad to see this thread. My dh suffers from depression and hase bi-polar tendencies. My kids are older now and they now see his roller coaster of emotions. It is TERRIBLE!
When he is fine, he is wonderfu…fun, loving, kind.
When he is ‘off’, he is angry, snappy and we all want to just lay low and be away from him.

This is by far the most difficult thing I have dealt with…handling him when he zones out. Very hard. With the last episode I really thought that I should start making plans to live apart for him. Of course, the next day he started to come out of it and I saw the light. I KNOW this is not his fault or choice. So, I pass along to you the 2 things that keep me going:

  1. As hard as it is for me and as much as I want him to not have this disorder, it is even harder for him and he hates having the disorder.
  2. Prayer
  3. Knowing that if he had something else (diabetes, blindness, ANYTHING) I would hang in there. I will here too.

HTH and we need a support group!
AnnGrace


#9

This is all really helpful and if anyone knows how to start a support group on here, that would be great!

It means so much to feel connected to others struggling with the same concerns.


#10

There is a bipolar support group but it isn't very active.
I am so glad that you are determined to stick with your DH through sickness and health. I was mentally ill for a couple of years (long story) and my DH literally quit his job to stay home with me 24/7. I learned then what true love really is. My DH is very helpful in monitoring my meds and health, and in showing concern for my ups and downs.
I know your husband is so blessed to have a wife like you!


#11

There is no question of leaving- that is for sure. I know that no matter how bad it is for me, it is much worse for him. I just worry about my limited ability to handle things myself- and when my energy is all out, things start to fall apart.


#12

Please make sure to get plenty of rest. You are in a difficult place. It is next to impossible to operate when you are exhausted. Take time for yourself, too.


#13

hi phoooiee, I'm sorry for your struggles. My husband was bipolar as well, I know of what you speak. Prayers for you and family!:gopray2::hug1:


#14

:gopray2::gopray2: for you and your family.

My father has bipolar disorder, as does one of my sisters, and my other sister and I have dealt with various mental health issues as well.

After one of the most recent episodes, I talked with my mom about how she had dealt with Dad's two hospitalizations ~20yrs ago and the more recent problems. She said that it wasn't until after my sister's first hospitalization that she realized how depressed she had been for several years while dealing with Dad. She was distant from us girls, unable to connect. We didnt' know what was up with her, but we felt the difference (we were 1-4, 4-7, & 8-11 at the time). The doctors my sister saw spent more time with the family, and Mom got on anti-depressants for a short while, which helped her greatly. She really regrets not asking for more help earlier.

Please think about talking to a doctor about anti-depressants and other self-care (like nutrition, exercise, support groups) for yourself. Even if after talking with your doctor you decide not to right now, you will have opened up the topic for discussion and can touch base later. It's also helpful to have someone you can talk to openly about it--to express what you feel (whether anger, pain, confusion, sadness, ...) so you can have emotional support. This could be a therapist, a priest, or a close friend.

Also, if you haven't already, check out a local book store for a book about dealing with bipolar. Some are written more for the person, with some info for families, and others more for families. More recent is better, and look for ones which include discussions of medications (the ones which claim only "natural" remedies work are mostly crocks--herbs & nutritional supplements can be useful additions to therapy, but can't replace modern medicine).

Again, many prayers for your family.


#15

Wow, I am so glad to see this thread, not to see that the OP is suffering, but to see that we are not alone. My dh has bipolar tendencies also and I have felt the way lots of you have felt. I know my dh suffers, but I wonder how much longer I can hold out emotionally. I get depressed myself. We have a dd who is going to be 11 years old in three weeks and I have to come between the two of them a lot. People don’t understand and say we have to be united in our parenting, but it is not that easy. He can be unreasonable in his parenting or set unrealistic goals for my dd and she doesn’t understand it and gets angry herself. We have a very angry household as a result of his disorder. I try so hard to make it a holy family, but it is not easy. I know what the OP is talking about and I agree with her, I would not mind a support group on this site with us Catholics. That sounds great to me and a way for us to talk to each other and we would understand each other. In the past many will just tell me to divorce my dh and sadly many priest too. I married him for better or worse. If he had a physical illness, I would not abandon him. We have that problem in our marriage too, for we are both physically disabled so that doesn’t help our problem. He gets angry at his limitations that he has physically and this causes him anger. My dd and I have learned to stay away when he is that angry or in pain. My dd tries to releave his pain by massaging his feet, that is where he has most of his pain, but it is chronic. She tries at least and he appreciates it.

I like the idea of a support thread group for us. I know I could use it. Yes, I pray a lot and go to Holy Hour, but I will say it is a very difficult life. I do offer it all up as well as my physical pain. I don’t allow any suffering to go to waste and am part of redemptive suffering.

May the Lord help us all and help our spouses.


#16

[quote="nana3, post:15, topic:201075"]
Wow, I am so glad to see this thread, not to see that the OP is suffering, but to see that we are not alone. My dh has bipolar tendencies also and I have felt the way lots of you have felt. I know my dh suffers, but I wonder how much longer I can hold out emotionally. I get depressed myself. We have a dd who is going to be 11 years old in three weeks and I have to come between the two of them a lot. People don't understand and say we have to be united in our parenting, but it is not that easy. He can be unreasonable in his parenting or set unrealistic goals for my dd and she doesn't understand it and gets angry herself. We have a very angry household as a result of his disorder. I try so hard to make it a holy family, but it is not easy. I know what the OP is talking about and I agree with her, I would not mind a support group on this site with us Catholics. That sounds great to me and a way for us to talk to each other and we would understand each other. In the past many will just tell me to divorce my dh and sadly many priest too. I married him for better or worse. If he had a physical illness, I would not abandon him. We have that problem in our marriage too, for we are both physically disabled so that doesn't help our problem. He gets angry at his limitations that he has physically and this causes him anger. My dd and I have learned to stay away when he is that angry or in pain. My dd tries to releave his pain by massaging his feet, that is where he has most of his pain, but it is chronic. She tries at least and he appreciates it.

I like the idea of a support thread group for us. I know I could use it. Yes, I pray a lot and go to Holy Hour, but I will say it is a very difficult life. I do offer it all up as well as my physical pain. I don't allow any suffering to go to waste and am part of redemptive suffering.

May the Lord help us all and help our spouses.

[/quote]

Wow, I'm so glad I started this thread :)
I will keep everyone on here in my prayers.


#17

This is one of the best workbooks out there for bipolar. It teaches how to catch break-through symptoms early, what to do with that, and how to cope with the stress, and how to manage the illness so that life can be good. I promise this is one of the best out there right now.

The Bipolar Workbook: Tools for Controlling Your Mood Swings

by Monica Ramirez Basco, PhD.

but use with doctor's treatment..........:)


#18

I understand what you are going through. It isn’t easy. My husband isn’t bi-polar but my best friend is and I have had to deal with his constant mood swings, etc for years. Right now he is going through a very difficult time since he can’t sleep and the medicine doesn’t always want to work. Hang in there and God bless you :).


#19

Well, I'm back on here again...could use some more prayers.

My husband hasn't had another episode since the one I posted this thread about- but I just found out that he spent over $5000 during this episode, using credit that wouldn't have been possible if I hadn't worked so hard to clear his credit by myself. He has concealed this from me since this time and I am feeling a real erosion of trust...

Making it worse is the fact that we are working a schedule that I find nearly impossible due to all these old bills and the financial situation we are in because of the effects of his bipolar in the past. I am totally exhausted and need more help with my two young kids but I don't see how we can afford it.

My husband is in a band, which is important to him as a creative outlet and his friendships with the other men in the group are very important to him as well- I'm sure this has been a large help in keeping his mental health as good as it has been. However, also without my knowledge or consent he undertook an expensive recording project a long time ago. It's very hard for me since he is choosing to finish it despite the real difficulties that the rest of his family is facing...we are not destitute by any means but I am having trouble managing my own health problems with the demands of work and constant care of two very active boys.

I really want him to just abandon this project but considering how much the other people involved have already invested in it, it makes more sense to just let him finish it, since there is only one more session left that is already completely set up for tomorrow.

I would like anyone who can to please pray that I can regain my trust in my husband...I'm feeling pretty depressed right now, which is not making it easy for me to do the things I need to do.


#20

Phoooie. Hang in there. I'm bi-polar as well and my marriage is suffering a great deal because of lack of compassion. All I want to do is the right thing and when things are tough, a hug, a shoulder to lean on, but now those are sparse. Give him all the understanding and compassion you can muster. Things do get better only if you can forgive the person keeping in mind this is a serious disease affecting the clarity of thought in planning. I spent 20k before I realized it was gone last fall. Had a blast, but now I wish I had done something worthwhile with it, like invested in the home...to further stregthen the family so as it would be evident daily...A mania can be directed towards the family.


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