Birth Control


My wife who is not Catholic insists that either I get a vasectomy or she will get her tubes tied as her only preferred method of birth control. What should I do? If she does get the procedure done am I obligated to not have sex anymore?


No, you are not required to abstain from marital relations, unless it is you getting the vasectomy. However, you should be doing everything possible to convince you wife that mutilating her body is not the right thing to do. Have you and your wife considered NFP classes? You don’t have to be Catholic to go.


I asked her to go and she won’t. She wants permanent birth control. I just can’t help but feel that our intimacy will be reduced to only physical pleasure if she desides to go through with the procedure.


Have you told your wife just what you said here? You need to make sure you have clear, open communication with her on this.

You say she is not willing to investigate Natural Family Planning at all-- has she said why she is adamant that one of you receive permanent sterilization?

If she is not aware of the depth of your feelings on this, and she has misconceptions about what Natural Family Planning is, then before either of you makes such a drastic (and sinful) decision, you really need to have a very serious discussion, perhaps facilitated by a 3rd party such as a Catholic counselor or priest.

I’m sorry you are in this predicament, and sincerely hope that you and your wife come to the right decisions. Please continue to try to dissuade her from doing this. If your wife eventually decides to sterilize herself you need to be aware that you are not committing a sin in having sex with your wife as long as you have made it known that you are against it and have tried to change her mind.


You can’t get her to compromise just a little bit? How about getting her to listen to Dr. Janet Smith’s talk, “Contraception, Why Not?” You can buy it on a CD and listen to it on a road trip.

Are you using contraception now?


Do you have children already?

Maybe she would be willing to tell her children to their faces that “Base on my experience raising you, I don’t want any more children. I’m afraid they might turn out just like you.”

Sounds awful. But don’t candy coat a turd, you’re doing no one any favors. That is what contraception says to a child - you don’t want any more like them.

It’s sad. I’ve actually heard parents say similar stuff in the presence of their own children. One dad, when learning that he would be an uncle, exclaimed, “YES! More kids! And we don’t have to raise them!”

Of course he said it with a humorous tone - but I gotta believe he was revealing his inner thoughts on parenthood/children - they haven’t had any more kids.


If she insists, let her do it. Stay strong. And yes, it will probably affect your intimate life. —KCT


If she insists, let her do it.

I don’t know about this one. If getting your tubes tied is a way to go to hell, I just can’t see how a guy can let his beloved go to hell.

You may run out of options to stop her.

How far can a guy go to avoid letting his wife fall into this sin? And if she does anyway is a guy still obligated to pay the marital debt?


I certainly want her to make the right decision. I can’t (and won’t) force her into not getting it done. I suppose I can just do my best to convince her to see the truth and continue to pray for the Holy Spirit to guide her conscience.

Thanks all for your input and please offer a prayer for us.


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