Birthmother and Adoption...prayers


#1

**I just wanted to ask for prayers since i have decided it’s time I start looking for my birthmother…She had me when she was 12 or 13, so i think it may be a fruitless search…but i have left it in one of my favorite patron saints hands St. Anthony.

Already i am facing certain frustations such as Texas not releasing my original birth certificate unless its court ordered. Since i was adopted through Catholic Charities I will also have to meet with a counselor who (once i receive any non identifying info) will ascertain whether i am “mentally and emotionally” capable of handling the situation…and allowing the search to continue!

So please just keep me in your prayers or if you’ve gone through a similar experience i would appreciate hearing about it if you feel you can share…thanks:)**


#2

I will pray that God’s will is done in this situation. I will pray that you have patience to get through the beuracratic(sp?) red tape and also be able to accept the outcome. God bless your birth mother for giving you the ultimate gift!!!


Malia


#3

don’t know about Texas law although I was able to help a few people in Ohio a few years ago when the law changed to allow anyone over 18 to have their original certificate. The second step advised by Catholic Charities is in my experience essential. In the 4 cases where my students embarked on such a search, 2 had devastating experiences due to what they discovered about their background. the other 2 found both their fathers and their mothers, but never established any close relationship with them.


#4

I was adopted through Catholic Charities, and I also met my birth mother and birth father!!!

It was quite an interesting experience, I’d be glad to share if you want to hear the story, as well as give you some items to think about (?)


#5

I too was adopted through Catholic Charities and have met both of my biological parents and their living relatives. I did not go through the exact same process as you though. My dad is an attorney and knew the attorney who worked with my case. He (my dad) got a copy of my original birth certificate (the one my biological mother filled out) from the attorney and filed it away in all of his cases. When my family moved, my mom was packing his stuff and discovered the file with my original birth certificate. She wrote down the name and gave it to my aunt to give to me if she were ever to die and I wanted to look for my biological mother.

When I was 19 I thought I found a lump in my breast and knew that that was the time to search for my biological mother because my dad’s side of the family die of breast cancer in their 30s (I didn’t know that my dad or my mom knew who she was). I called Catholic Charities and they had told me that a letter from my mom or dad plus a copy of my license and my mom’s license were required to start the process. I asked my mom for the information and she started to cry and told me that she knew my biological mother’s name. It turns out the name she knew wasn’t my biological mother’s name, but my birth name (luckily I was named after my biological grandmother or I would have been calling a lot of people in the southern Illinois area with the same last name). One day I called and ended up talking to my biological grandmother and to this day I visit her once a year (as well as my biological aunt). My biological mother called Catholic Charities to verify and Catholic Charities called me and everything was verified with just our two phone calls. My biological mother’s brother and sister are both adopted and her sister (my biological aunt) has met with her biological parents. My biological mother has wanted to be very active in my life, but my biological aunt told her to hold off on the pressure, that I would decide on our relationship. It’s funny, but I feel a lot closer to my biological aunt than any other biological family members. I have been to her son’s wedding (my biological cousin) and have basically been welcomed into the family (I’m even in my biological grandmother’s will).

When I met my biological father I found that I had a lot more in common with him. A lot of my family was over when I met him and it turned out that my uncle and my biological father have played golf together a few times because they have a mutual friend.

Anyway, that’s my story. I have met others who have had similar stories and some who have had devistating stories. I went into meeting them with the mindset of wanting to know my biological history pertaining to disease, not really caring about having a relationship. I was blessed to have such a loving and understanding biological family. I knew, however, that in my search I may have met with a biological mother and/or father who would want nothing to do with me.

My advice, Be prepared for the worst, hope for the best.


#6

**Thanks to everyone who responded so far…believe me i am prepapared for the worst…Being that my BM was was only 12 or 13 and my BF was in his 20’s i don’t think it was a great situation all around…Plus usually back then most girls were told that they were never to contact their child nor would their child want contact with them since they gave them up.

anyways the paperwork will take awhile plus i still have to finish saving up the 500 or so in fees:) **


#7

Praying. My Mother was adopted and always wanted to find her birth parents.


#8

I guess the one thought I have about the whole thing, having experienced it myself, is this:

Most normal, healthy, stable parents do not give up their children for adoption. There usually is a pretty serious reason why they make that choice.
Just because time has passed, does not mean this serious reason has changed.
Some people think that because it was so long ago, the parents have to be healthy, in a better place, etc. Not necessarily.


#9

You will definitely be in my prayers as you continue this search.

I, too, am adopted, although my mom was 17yrs old when she had me. I had looked into trying to find her when I was in college, about two years ago and have all the papers, signed and ready to go for the most part. But time got busy and I got married and am now expecting my first child, and honestly it has been on the back burner despite all these life changes. However, the agency I was adopted through told me that since it was an anonymous adoption (in that I know NOTHING about her), the only way I’d be able to contact her or get any kind of information is if she had contacted the agency first. The chances of that are pretty slim and I think that’s one of the main reasons I did not keep it a priority. I would someday like to get some family history (I’ve had interesting health problems) and even see what she looked like, since I’m Korean and my family is caucasian.

Anyway, I hope all goes well and just remember to trust in God :). All according to His will :). God bless!


#10

Yes, St. Anthony and our Blessed Mother! Start a novena of daily rosaries for help and just put it all in God’s capable hands.

I am a birthmother who has been reunited with my birthson for 4 yrs (this June). He searched for me, and even though it was a closed adoption
(1975), he found me with the help of a mediator through the adoption agency I used.

I would encourage you to pray and consider using a mediation service.

I had wanted to started a daily rosary for a couple of yrs, and then started to in 2002. A lot has happened since then, including my dh’s conversion…

In 2002 (Aug) I started a 27 day novena for my children’s souls. During that prayer intention, I was only thinking of the 3 sons I had with my dh, but God, in His generosity included my birthson, I am sure. I found out in Jan. '03 that my birthson had written his 1st letter to me in Oct '02, just a little after I’d finished the novena! He’d started searching way before that. And, as it turned out, the timing was perfect. My 3 sons were old enough to understand and accept the situation (I’d never told them about my b’son.) The reunion was brought about 1st through handwritten letters with my identity protected - always - and went through the mediator. I rec’d the 1st notice from the mediator Dec. 18, '02.

The next month we emailed, msgs still going through the mediator. Although I always trusted D’s (my b’son) intentions, my dh helped keep me grounded - I was quite emotional as you might imagine! He urged me to coninue cautiously, and I’m glad I did.

The following month we arranged a phone call - that was really a great day! We talked weekly for hours and got to know and trust each other. The reunion was planned for June. My oldest son was in the Navy, stationed in Sicily, and didn’t know if he’d get leave at that time, but it turned out he was able to be here and meet D.! There were so many things that timed out so well that I am sure it was God’s will for this to happen.

The only thing that was disheartening was that D’s a-mom wanted no part of the reunion. [Since then, I have been praying for her; she has come down with lung cancer and I’d enrolled her in some novena masses. She acknowledged them with a nice thank you note. I am encouraged we will some day meet. Thank you St. Therese!]

I hope and pray you will someday get to know your b’mom, Maria, and will pray for the timing to be right. Patience, patience!

You might also want to get Patricia Dischler’s book, Because I Loved You.

PatriciaDischler.com

Her story is about open adoption, but it sounds like a wonderful story.

Please PM or email me if you’d like to discuss further!

God Bless,
Mimi


#11

Oh yes, I forgot to add that this Saturday, May 12 is Birthmother’s Day!

It would be a great time to start that novena!

Mimi
:smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:
:wave:


#12

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