Bit wondering


I have a few questions so am going to put them all here, apologies if it’s wrong…:slight_smile:
Um, so first off I’m from Scotland, if that makes a difference at all?
I’m a bit confused with the idea of sins and hell, to this I should add that my catechism stopped at 12 after I’d made my confirmation.
I know taking the Lord’s name in vain is a sin, but I can’t go to conffession for family reasons, and if i dont go but feel bad for making this mistake and apologise to God in my mind, will i still go to Hell?
I’ve also had a couple of crushes on other females in my time, over the last few years, is this wrong? my mum, a Catholic and my doctor both say I shouldn’t worry,it’s a normal part of puberty but am I sinning by thinking things about other women? I’m 17 by the way…
I also ‘play with myself’ if you know what I mean, without using the terminology, :blush: is that wrong?
I also am not nasty to , nor do I stop openly Gay people from living normal lives as a normal couple would - each to their own, i believe - is that too a sin?

Should my religion be everything to me? Should I be worried, that I’m not being Catholic if I sin?

Please help me, I’m a bitty worried!!! Thank you!


Welcome! :wave:

Join the club! This is, unfortunately, very prevalent in a lot of places. People think that their religious formation and education ends with Confirmation. In actuality, that is just the beginning! I applaud you for taking your responsibility seriously and seeking answers to your questions. Would that more people would do that!

No one here can answer the question as to the eternal fate of your soul. That being said, the Church teaches the necessity of Confession of mortal sins. There are three qualifications for a sin to be mortal:
(1) grave matter (i.e. something serious like breaking one of the 10 Commandments);
(2) full knowledge (i.e. you know it’s wrong); and
(3) deliberate consent (i.e. you chose to sin freely; you were not coerced)

If you are in a state of mortal sin, you should make every effort to get to Confession immediately! Also, if you are in a state of mortal sin, you cannot receive the Eucharist. Your soul is at stake, so why take any chances? If you were physically sick, you would make every effort to get to the doctor as soon as possible. When we are spiritually sick, it is even more imperative that we go to Confession to be spiritually healed. If we are physically sick, the worst thing that can happen is death. If we are spiritually sick, the worst thing that can happen is to spend eternity in hell. Obviously, the latter is infinitely worse!

The Church condemns homosexual actions, not the inclination. So, unless you acted upon these feelings, you have done nothing wrong. I don’t know whether or not I’d say it was “normal”, but it’s not sinful provided you do not act on it (either physically, or through deliberate fantasizing).

Masturbation is objectively and gravely disordered. It is never okay! The Catechism of the Catholic Church clearly states this (CCC 2352).

However, it also states:

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.

In other words, as with other types of addictive behavior, it might not be mortally sinful in a particular circumstance. But it is still always sinful! And now that you have been informed of this, you are responsible for this information. (Sorry! :o )

Obviously, the Church does not require, nor does it desire, that Catholics be “nasty” towards gay people. However, “to each their own” is not a Catholic view. Catholics are called to accept ALL of the Church’s teaching. We cannot pick and choose what we like and what we don’t like. As Catholics, we believe that the Catholic Church was established by Jesus Christ Himself and that the Church faithfully and without error hands on all of Christ’s teachings on faith and morals. To not accept the Church’s teaching on the sinfulness of homosexual activity is to deny that the Church teaches without error on faith and morals. If you believe the Church is wrong on this, then why would you take anything the Church says seriosuly?

God should be everything to you. The Catholic Church is the visible structure on earth, instituted by God, to lead us all to Heaven. Getting to Heaven to spend eternity with God, and leading others there is very important. So, you should take your Catholic faith very seriously.

You should not be worried about “not being Catholic” if you sin. All of us are sinners. No one is perfect. However, it is important to get to Confession and make sincere efforts to overcome our sinfulness.

Hope this helps a little!


I am sure you will find a lot of answers on here.

On an unrelated note, you sound a lot like this person:


mortal sins are the sins that lead one to death hell.for a sin to be mortal it has to be grave matter,ie ten commandments…if suffecient thought is given to the matter ie;i know this is wrong but…free to choose to do this thing…you state your mother is catholic so there shouldn’t be a problem in going to confession, not really sure what could stop you from going…yes God can and will forgive you this way but is it enough for complete healing of your relationship with Him…it is not morally right to have sexual feelings towards the same sex.if your thoughts of other women are dwelt upon especailly in regards to your next statement,i feel i would be safe in saying that this is a mortal sin…about how you feel towards same sex couples,shows your lack in knowledge of what the church teachs in this regard. we are to love them yes but not support thier life style as positive…in the ideal our faith should be everything to us.but as humans we still sin some more than others(i am one of the more oftener).that we are tempted shows that some one thinks we are trouble to his plans for mankind.hope this helps some


OK…well the reason why I can’t go to conffession (or the reason that makes it harder) is that my little sister’s severley autistic, my mum is a full time carer for her, and I help out often, and time is something we dont have much of, and we cant really go in the evenings or weekends as that means we need to find a carer for my sister - easier said than done! on top of that - i have no transport to get to conffession - otherwise I would go.I dont really feel altogehter all that comfortable discussing my sins with the priest either, I dont think much people in my church do actually! I do confess my sins at Church at the beginning though, when you say the “I confess to Almighty God…” bit, does that count? Sorry, I’m getting all in a bit of a tizz about this! And, slighty unrelated, but why is masturbation wrong? My mum and lots of other people say it’s perfectly normal, and I know many others who do this, and dont belive its wrong?


hi linda_x you do manage to get mass once in awhile so use this time to go to confession.ask the priest if he can see you after mass for the sacrement of reconciliation.i guess maybe your church is full of saints just like mine.yes the sacrement of reconcilaiton is not being used as it should. other people are not God. self satisfaction is wrong because it is a misuse of the gift of sexuality.why call it a gift?because we as humans can enjoy sex.God meant this gift to be enjoyed by two not one.male and female that is.given your age it hard to understand a married man i regret my past in this doing this act you are creating for yourself a false image of what giving oneself to an other will be like.there will be some who will tell you it is okay to have sexual relations before marriage.after all we want to find the “right” bedrom mate. if one never had sex before marriage then one could say any marital relations (in bed) with their spouse is the best they ever had,and truly mean it.


Would you go to the doctor if you were physically sick? If something is really important to us, we usually find a way.

It seems to me that this is the real reason why you do not go to Confession. It is natural to feel a bit unconfortable (especially at your age! I was terrified when I was 17!) However, this does not dispense you from the obligation to go. I have found that, the more often I go, the less uncomfortable it gets. But sometimes, it’s good to be a bit uncomfortable. Sin is not comfortable. Being a bit uncomfortable can help one to avoid that sin in the future.

It is a very good practice to interiorly “confess” your sins at the beginning of Mass. However, that does not take the place of the Sacrament of Confession.

Well, first off, morality is not a democracy. :slight_smile: It doesn’t matter who or how many people say something is right or wrong, that doesn’t change the fact that it is either objectively right or wrong. As Catholics, we believe that the Church teaches without error in regards to faith and morals. If we believe the Church can be wrong about one moral teaching, then why believe any of the Church’s moral teaching? And if we don’t believe the Church’s moral teaching, then why be Catholic at all?

(A little side note: It is okay to ask questions and to seek further understanding, as you are doing. If one doesn’t understand some aspect of Church teaching, it is crucial to ask these questions and actively seek out answers. But, at the end of the day, we ought to, in all humility, acknowledge the fact that, if our view differs from the Church’s, it is more likely that we are wrong than that the Church is wrong. Then, we submit to the teaching authority of the Church on the matter and pray that we might be able to understand.)

If you read the paragraph from the Catechism (CCC 2352), you get a glimpse as to why masturbation is wrong:

“The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.”

Our sexual faculties are designed to be used in a context that is both mutually self-giving and open to life. Masturbation accomplishes neither. It is inherently self-centered and closed to new life.

Some people want to insult us by saying that we are incapable of self-control in this matter and that we all need to “release” our sexual energy in one way or another. This is ridiculous and (I can tell you from experience) patently false. One should recognize this for what it is: a great insult.


Sorry to hear about your sister. You say you help out often, but not always? Can she manage, by her self, while you go to Church? Can you manage, by yourself, to give her a chance to go to Church? Just an idea. Since you’re 17, you should be able to go on your own, and you could give your mother a chance to go also. There are alternatives.

Speak to the priest about this, perhaps there’s someone who could give you a ride? Or maybe the priest could come to you, since you and your mother are more or less house-bound?

Don’t you think that’s perhaps one major reason Jesus instituted oral confession? It’s hard, embarrassing, to confess to a person, it should be! We confess to a priest because that is the way Jesus instituted reconciliation. You may want an easier way, but God doesn’t give you that option does He?

No, that’s for venial sin, not mortal sin.

Your mother and “other people” are wrong. Your questions about sex show a basic lack of understanding of Chastity. I recommend you read the CCC (Catechism of the Catholic Church). You can find it on line here:
Specifically “THE VOCATION TO CHASTITY” beginning at paragraph 2337.
To specifically answer your question:

[quote=] Offenses against chastity
2351 Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.
2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action."138 “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."139
To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.


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