Blended Family struggle


I married a man that had 3 girls from a previous marriage and we have added 2 boys. Throughout our 5 years together he puts his other children before me. His oldest is 17 and talks to me like i am dirt, refuses to help around the house and is just hateful to me. He does not discipline the children from his first marriage but does not hesitate in spanking our 3 year old. I am very unhappy to the point of I am ready to leave. I do not feel like I have anywhere to turn.


It sounds like some counseling is in order here. The seventeen year old needs it also. Hopefully you can communicate what you said here to your husband, and how severely unhappy you feel.

I will say a prayer for you now.


Before getting married the second time, my fiance and I read “The Remarriage Checkup” by Ron Deal and David Olsen. It gave us a reality check on issues we might face.

It’s tough for a dad to choose between his kids (especially daughters) and his wife, after all, he knew them long before you came into the scene. Your marriage should be his priority–but when life with your husband is going well, the kids can get confused because of parental reconciliation fantasies and loyalty to their mother.
Sometimes what may seem like him choosing his kids above you is simply that you have a difference in parenting style. His way of dealing with them goes against your instinct. Give him the liberty to deal with his kids his way, even if it makes no sense to you. They are his kids and he is the head of the house. When it comes to the kids you had together, you’re a team, but with his kids you are a consultant.

There are many resources at the Smart Stepfamilies website that might help

One further comment on your situation: Have both of you had previous marriages annulled? Has your current union been blessed by the Church? If so, then this marriage is Sacramental and giving up is not an option–God sees you as one flesh. If previous marriages were not annulled, then you are living in adultery–not my words, but those of Jesus (Mark 10:11). You need to get this straightened out before you can expect God to bless your marriage.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit