Recently, I spent a weekend at Belmont Abbey. While there, I spoke with several of the monks, including the abbot, about how it seemed that God couldn’t seem to make up His mind about what my vocation truly is: is it to marriage, or to religious life? [Plus, I often feel that the Spirit is teasing me with great fervor for religious life since I can’t commit to the latter until my personal debt is eliminated.] In many ways, this flip-flopping around on my part (and on God’s) has caused me to doubt somewhat in His existence, or if not in His existence then in His Plan.
The only thing that helps to keep me focused is reflecting on the life of Blessed Louis Martin, the loving father of St. Therese of Child Jesus and the Holy Face, who pursued a vocation to religious life by climbing a mountain where a monastery resided. The monks turned him away on the basis that he didn’t know Latin, but asked him to return once he learned it: Blessed Louis never could. His marriage to Blessed Zelie was also quite happenstance. She, on the threshhold of spinster-hood, was introduced to Louis on a whim, and their marriage happened almost as a matter of course. As a result, though, of these “whims” and “matters of course,” several holy daughters were born to them, one of which is a Doctor of the Church, and the others being considered for canonization themselves.
All I know is that I’m a Catholic Christian man in his late twenties, I’m very active with my parish, being a catechist and a Knight of Columbus, and I’m daily trying to find my spiritual niche. I may be continually thwarted in my attempts to become any sort of religious, perhaps even any sort of Third Order, but like Blessed Louis, I just have to realize that God’s Will is bigger than me and the first rule of poverty is to surrender myself to just that.
Thanks for reading.