blighted ovum...

Until Monday I truly believed I had a 10 week old (from lmp) baby in my tummy… but now, most likely, I see that my baby stopped developing very early… This is my first miscarriage so I just don’t know what to expect…or “why?” ya know… God blessed us with a baby then
took him back :’( any ideas on how to honor this tiny life? I believe this lo was a baby despite what some folks would say… so we are truly grieving this tiny life :’(

I’m so sorry. Each age has its own special trials and graces: This was news that women and their husbands were spared, back when pregnancies could not be confirmed so early.

Usually when a child stops growing so early after conception, there are genetic issues that prevented growth to maturity. It may have been the pleasure of God to spare your child the travails of a very difficult life on earth, and instead to grant the child an better alternative…better because God knows which of us can bear difficulties and which of us needs to be always kept sheltered. We cannot know the details of all of that now. The message of the Crucifix, however, is that even if evil gains the upper hand for a moment, God can still take the worst thing in the world and transform it into the best thing in the world. There is nothing that cannot come to show the glory of God.

That does not mean you are not suffering a very real loss, but rather that you can trust your child was not denied his or her destiny. Rather, he or she is in the hands of God and in the hands of God alone. Allow God to comfort you, and have no fear for your little one. You might honor this tiny life by giving him or her up to God as Hannah did, consecrating the child’s memory to the total service of God.

May God keep you all close to Him as you go through this!

Thank you for coming here and taking the time to share your story. I will pray for you in your grief. I have suffered four miscarriages and each and every one was profoundly painful.

Your child was most certainly a child, a person, a unique soul made in the image and likeness of God! Your baby was a unique human being from the moment of conception! One time I had a miscarriage and the nurse told me (I think trying to comfort me) that it wasn’t really a baby after all it was just a fetal pole. I thought “who in their right mind tells their loved ones they are pregnant with a fetal pole. I was pregnant with a BABY.” She didn’t make me feel any better just worse as if what I was going through was nothing.

You are sad. You will be sad. You have lost a child and you don’t know why this is an awful feeling beleive me I know. Picture your beloved baby in the arms of Mary in heaven because that’s exactly where he or she is. Some people find it helpful to give their little ones a name. I was able to take my child’s remains and bury them, this gave me a great deal of comfort. I wish I had more to offer you I am so sorry for your loss.

My heart goes out to you, bunnykisses.
I have gone through this very thing twice. It is heartbreaking. Some of my friends who lost little ones so early went ahead and named their baby. Early miscarriage tend to be less painful physically…more like a heavy period, except for the moment that you actually pass the baby, which is like a dropping sensation.
A blighted ovum does NOT mean that you did not conceive a baby. Some people will tell you that, but that is not the whole truth. What happens is that there were too many genetic abnormalities for the embryo to develop into a fetus, and the growth stopped and the little one dies.
Be prepared to offer your little one a conditional baptism when he/she comes out. The formula for conditional baptism of a miscarried baby is something like:
“If there is anyone here that can be baptized, then I baptize you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.”
Check with your priest to be sure.
A comforting prayer is the “Prayer after Miscarriage”. It can be found online. Let me know if you cannot find it, and I will transcribe it here for you.
Again, I am so sorry. It is a difficult process to go through this. It is painful. Some people will not understand why you are grieving. But let yourself grieve for the little one you lost. It will help to acknowledge your loss, honor the life of the little one, and be thankful for the short time that you had together as mother and baby.
God bless you. I will pray for you and your husband.

I’m so sorry! I know what you’re feeling. I’ve lost 3 little ones.

First it’s okay to grieve over your loss. We honor our 3 little ones by having a little candle and little flowers in a special place for them. They’re always going to be part of our lives.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I just want to share this link with you as I have seen people post it previously.

If you choose to name your child, and sign this list, your baby will be prayed for on the first Monday of every month and a candle is always lit here.

I’m very sorry for your loss. It is a sad and difficult experience. I’ve had two miscarriages-the first was blighted ovum. We honor the memory of our lost babies by sponsoring two children through the Christian Foundation for Children and Aging.

I am very sorry for your loss. I know other people who have went through this, and it is very difficult to go through. I will pray for you and your family.

This may or may not help, but Mother Angelica has a prayer for those who have had miscarriages:

I truly want to thank everyone for their input and prayers. It truly means so much. I will look into everything posted more. thanks so much. we were planning on coming up with a name…just so sad right now… I’ve been spotting heavier lately with more small clots.

i lost one, but very very early. now, years later, i wish i’d named that baby (we DID recently) and then maybe did a small obit for her!( I believe it was a girl) a friend of mind did the most beautiful obit for her miscarried child, and talked about 'she learned how to wiggle her fingers, toes and nose. she learned to suck her thumb, play, and blink her eyes". sort to thing. it was awesome and now a lot of people around here also do that. I also LOVE that Michelle Dugger, in her letter to her lost daughter, said “I love that you saw jesus first. you could never see us, but it was Him you saw first”. it was beautiful.

good luck and many prayers for you.

I don’t know if I can add any more meaningful condolences than what others here have already spoken.

But maybe for a glimmer of hope. My brother in law and his wife got pregnant, and at around the 10 week mark, if memory serves, they to had a miscarriage. In her case, she had a DNC done and they were able to retrieve the baby. An autopsy was done and it was found the little one had too many chromosomes and didn’t make it. It’s guessed that a mutant sperm fertlilzed the egg which caused it to have too many chromosomes.

The good news? They got pregnant again shortly thereafter and I am now a proud uncle of a gorgeous little girl!

You have my prayers and condolences.

This does happen sometimes. I miscarried at 7 or 8 weeks on May 5 of this year and got pregnant again within two weeks. I am now at 16 weeks with a healthy pregnancy.
My husband and I were consumed with our grief for the baby we lost, and in reaching out to each other in the best way we knew how, God stepped in and sent us a new joyful surprise. There is no reason to think that anything will go wrong with this pregnancy. The baby’s heartbeat is steady and strong and he/she is already very active (we could hear his/her movements on the Dopplar).

After my first miscarriage several years ago, my husband and I were able to conceive our third child within a few months. She is now approaching two years old. We cannot imagine our family without her now, and the reality is that if God had not quickly called home the first baby we lost, we could never have conceived our little flower baby (she is named after a flower).

I’m so sorry. This happened to me too. It was my first pregnancy, and I miscarried at 8 weeks. It was a blighted ovum also, and it took me 5 years to come to the same conclusion that you have already come to. After 5 years of struggling with whether or not I should grieve, or pray for a lost baby, I finally I named the baby, and enrolled it in the shrine of the holy innocents. I chose a date near the conception to honor the baby and on that date, 5 years later, I had a personal prayer service (just myself - my dh wasn’t really into it) in which I named the baby and asked God for his mercy on the little one. That date is still on my calendar every year, and I don’t always do much, but I offer a prayer for the little one, and my children know that there was one who came before them, but who died while he or she was very very tiny.

The fact that this happened in my first pregnancy made everything more scary. I was so worried that I might be infertile, or prone to miscarriages. But I did get pregnant about 3 months later, and have gone on to have 4 children with no apparent fertility issues. I also was struck at how common miscarriages are - not just by the statistics that I read in the books, but by the personal stories of women who would never have shared that piece of information with me, if I hadn’t told them about my loss. That is something that comforted me.

Anyway, I will pray for you and your little one, and for this time of loss and recovery. :gopray2:

BTW, re: what to expect… I know it is a day later, but if you haven’t done so yet, please call your doctor and ask for advice about pain control. The pains of my miscarriage started out like regular menstrual cramps, but after the actual miscarriage (I was actually in the doctors office when I delivered the intact sac, and then there were several days more of bleeding - like a long and heavy period), the pain got much worse, and needed more medication than what I was used to using. I waited too long to call the doctor, and if I knew then what I know now, I would’ve been more proactive about pain control. Once I called, I took the meds according to the doctor’s directions, and it was manageable.

I’m so sorry I had a miscarriage with #1, still miss her a lot.

This helped me a lot:

My prayers are with you and your family.

thank you all so much. i really do appreciate hearing your suggestions and experiences. I’m really dreading seeing and passing my lo…

I never thought of it that way but it is really a very beautiful thought. The baby had the honor of seeing Jesus FIRST.

My wife and I lost two, so I’ve been there. What I want you to do is to make an appointment with your parish priest and ask him for the “Post Partum” blessing when the child has died. Yes, there are two different blessings for a mother after birth. One is specifically for still-birth and miscarriage. You will find the ceremony very comforting. Have your husband with you if at all possible.
God Bless.

Reb Levi

I wish I had known about this blessing. Thank you so much for sharing it.

I wanted to check in and see how you are doing. And I hope you don’t mind my sharing with you a moment of consolation that I experienced after my recent miscarriage. I was rather distraught about losing a baby again, and was sobbing very deeply. But everytime I would close my eyes, my imagination presented me with a picture of the Blessed Virgin and all the saints and angels in heaven looking down at me with such compassion, and reaching out to me as if to share my burden. I knew that God was showing me how much He loves us right through our tragedies and trials. It looks weird to see this is print, and I know it doesn’t convey how much it meant to me, but I hope that my feeble attempt helps you a little. You are not alone and those in heaven know your pain and they also know the supreme joy that you (and your little one) are destined for.

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