Blind dates through Church people

Today after Mass, someone asked me if I would like to meet her brother. She is trying to find him a wife I think.

This took me by surprise. I told her I have never bothered getting an annulment and had not thought about marriage in my future. But as we know, we should be open to the calling of God.

No idea if I would be granted an annulment, or remember any details with accuracy after so much time. Which puts me off bothering a bit.

Would you guys be tempted to meet this person out of curiosity. I dont know a thing about him except he has a sister and he is catholic.

Aw, come on, say “yes” to meeting the brother. It could be the most boring 2-hour coffee date of your life, or it could lead to something wonderful! Maybe he’s not your Prince Charming, but maybe he’ll be the one you can hire to build a new deck on your house…or better yet, he might have a good Catholic buddy who WILL be your Prince Charming! Who knows?

Absolutely Yes,

Nothing ventured , Nothing Gained,

See your priest about the possibility of an annulment, because if not you would appear to be currently married.

Is it right for a married person to go on a date (of a potentially romantic nature) with someone other than their spouse?

Been divorced for decades. But you raise a good point, no dating. But how about coffee . One has to determine if it’s worth going through the grief of the annulment process.

I guess it’s easy for me to say, but if you have reason to think your first marriage was invalid, then would you not want this clarified one way or the other?

I don’t think meeting this man is a date or getting into the area of a romantic relationship. If it were me, I would meet him. If a friendship develops be honest with him regarding your marital status.

It may be time for you to speak to your priest about your marriage.

There is nothing wrong with meeting someone. It does not per se constitute dating.

Unless and until you get an annulment, you would not be free to get involved in dating, because in a Church sense you are still married.

ICXC NIKA

Well, it would be misleading to meet him if you’re previous marriage is not annulled. Technically, until that happens you are still married in the eyes of God and the Church.

Wow, tough crowd.
Ever heard of being “just friends”.
Sheesh. It’s likely just COFFEE for heaven’s sake.
If everyone needed an annulment to even meet someone, none of us could go to the office.
:shrug:

Well the title states ‘blind dates’ and the opening post suggests the person suggesting the poster meets her brother because she might be wanting to find a wife for him.

and of COURSE we know that people must do what their relatives command.
Maybe they have other plans for their own lives.

Of course, but do you not think this at least seems to suggest that perhaps either the man himself, or his sister might be hoping that this meeting will lead to a possible romance?

I agree there seems to be the possibility of romance at least on the part of the sister. While meeting the man is harmless in and of itself, if there is the potential of a romance the OP would need to speak to her priest.

All good points for consideration. Thanks everyone.

The sister and her hubby are active in the Church ministeries, and I did tell her I am not annulled, nor sought one. It’s a rural area, they know my ex and his current ‘wife’.

My Priest did suggest I look into an annulment ages ago. But it’s not been my priority, and I am a bit ambivalent about the process, given memories are clouded in the mists of time. We were not married in the Church but had the marriage convalidated about 6 years later. I guess not every divorce requires a person seek an annulment. Neither am I holding out hope we would ever reconcile.

Yes the sister is hoping to find her bro a wife. And a Mass attending Catholic wife. It’s an understandable sentiment.

I might pray she is successful in her mission.

This.

There’s no rule that says the divorced and unanulled can’t socialize with persons of the opposite sex. I know plenty of folks who have had platonic opposite sex friendships just so they can do fun outings together, not feel out of place in social settings where most folks are couples, etc. At my age,should I ever, God forbid, find myself alone, I’d probably prefer that kind of arrangement.

No, no, no… This is a fishing expedition. She is ready to start dating. She needs to get an annulment.

My son got an annulment and it was the best thing that ever happened to him. He learned a lot about himself and why his marriage did not and could not have worked out. He was free to begin his life again with a fresh start. Furthermore he did not make the same mistakes and married for real his present lovely wife.

I petitioned for an annulment while I was converting. The man I had been dating was a Catholic without an annulment. As I learned more about the faith I knew our relationship had to end as he had no intention of getting an annulment and I wasn’t free either. By the time I was ready to submit my paperwork our relationship had ended so there was no one waiting in the wings and I was sure I would never marry again. I did receive a Declaration of Freedom as I didn’t have a full case. Even after all these years and not being in a relationship should God decide to put someone in my path I can freely date and not have to worry about annulments.

I am not fishing, quite happy to remain as I am. Really, honestly, am not , nor envisage looking.

We should be open to what God calls us too, And should think on these things if they arise. Jesus is my main man :thumbsup:

I do agree the divorced and unanulled should be able to go for coffee

It’s wonderful that your son is in a great marriage :dove::pray:

This, I have to say, is an interesting thread…

Some seem to feel that the divorced and without a decree of nullity need to live a life of a hermit, and God forbid they should be friends with anyone of the opposite sex.

What is needed is self honesty, and I wonder that it seems to be in such short supply. Where did we ever come up with the idea that any meeting between opposite sexes is hell bent for election in the direction of a wedding? That, in itself is an unhealthy attitude that people cannot be friends; and that any social interaction is bound for the bedroom.

Maybe it is the term “date”, which appears to be overladen with sexual innuendo. Appended to that seems to be the idea that if one meets someone of the opposite sex for coffee, that it is the short introduction to a whirlwind courtship. God forbid they might actually meet later for dinner out.

Self honesty should bring someone to the realization that they may be open to marriage. And that should be the route to starting the process of approaching the tribunal.

For someone who does not see themselves seeking a marriage partner, nor adamantly opposed to even thinking of the concept of one, being introduced to someone of the opposite sex, even if that other individual may be seeking marriage, is not a short route to disaster. It is a possible route to a friendship - philos - with an awareness that the other may be seeking a marriage partner. Obviously that requires open honesty - a) I am not free to marry and b) I am not seeking at this point to be free to do so, or necessarily meet someone I might consider marrying. I am, however, open to honest friendship. Should something develop, I will need to approach a tribunal, and you would need to be free to marry or willing to approach a tribunal, and before everything gets off to the races, both of us need to be free to marry. Still want coffee?

Nor do I see a need to run off to the parish priest for what? Permission to have coffee?
Do we need to rush off to the pastor to ask if (GASP!) we might take a job where, who knows, there might be someone of the opposite sex?

The time to speak with the pastor is where there is an itch. The OP has no itch. If one develops, then she needs to be open and honest with herself and start the process toward the tribunal, or if that is not viable, bring the relationship to a close.

If they become platonic friends, what is there to ask the pastor???

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.