I’m 23 and single and am also pretty sure I’m called to marry. I’ve yet to find her but she’s out there. Lol. Anyway, sometimes the patience kills me. I’m pretty sure I’m approaching my vocation the right way, but what are tips, spiritually speaking, that can help me through this lent with singleness? I do adore from time to time, pray sometimes, and I’ve also read Sarah Swoffords book. Are there any other good books out there on what I’m laying out here? I just need to find peace and patience and let God do his work. But dangit, being single bugs! Hahaha. I need to be at peace with this!
Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives
Written by: Laura Schlessinger
I kissed dating goodbye - by author Joshua Harris
I’m 33 and am in a similar state.
Patience is one of the harder virtues to attain! You and others like you (faithful, devout, and single) are rare and prized. Do you know how many women have been lied to, cheated on, and used by men who were not faithful to God? My suggestion to you is to keep praying for strength to be an instrument of God then be open that your potential wife may not be “saintly”. You may be called by God to bring a fallen person back to Him. One of my Scripture study group mentioned “it’s impossible to be married to a saint”; maybe that’s why my wife has stayed married to me for so long! I’m convinced that my wife is the one who brought me back to God and the church. She shines very brightly with God’s light and I’m so grateful for her prayers. Be that person for someone else. Be the light that God uses to bring someone back to Him if that’s His Will. God Bless you.
You could always content yourself with the fact that our Creator delights in surprising us with His abounding generosity. And surprises are surprises because we don’t expect them. You could hurry and content yourself with less or you could take your mind of thinking about women, in the meantime, and then, when / if you find out this is your eventual path to follow, you won’t look back. Not sure I agree with the saying that, ‘the best things in life come to those who wait’, but I do think ‘the best things for us in life come to those who are patient’…because, I suspect you are walking your path already.
So, I’d recommend: ‘God of Surprises’, by Gerard Hughes.
Are you sure you don’t wanna look at a priestly or religious vocation?
Get involved with activities that you enjoy and meet young women who are also involved. Is there a volunteer group that seems appealing? How about a club of some sort? Does your diocese have any groups? What about an outing club? An amateur theater group or music society? Work with young people… The point is that intentional “looking” may not work, but doing things might. Also, ask friends you trust if they know people they think you might get along with. And keep in mind that it may take awhile. The first few people you meet may not be right–but there will be more.
Lol. Been down that road… I’m sure God’ll let me know though!
Nunsuch gives some good advice. There are some GOOD young adult groups now in our Church, and being 23 you would be a good fit with the twentysomethings. One local parish here has a group between 18-30, and it’s a good way to make friends and meet some nice people. Youth ministry is also looking for GOOD men that the junior high and high school kids will follow. A man who “walks his walk” (and you sound like one) is what youth ministries need.
Binto, do you have any sisters? Maybe one of your sisters can organize a dinner party where she can invite some of her female friends, and you can invite some of your male friends. That’s a good way to meet others in a low-stress environment, and a good way to make friends first. Binto, maybe you can ask your sister to bring some of her friends (and you can bring some male friends) with you to a movie one evening in a small group.
Books…well, I read one that I really liked - it’s called Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World by Fr. T.G. Morrow.
One I recommend for young women is called How to Get to I Do by Amy Bonnacorsso. I may have spelled her last name wrong, but I felt Amy was really on track with what young women in their 20’s were looking for. Amy wrote this not long after she married, and she was in her late 20’s when she married. She’s also been on Catholic Answers Live.
Hope this helps.
Make yourself available to Catholic singles groups. Birds of a feather flock together.
I would suggest Wild At Heart by John Eldredge. I read the women’s version written by his wife called Captivating and the guys group read John’s book and liked it. Patience is a virtue and take time to enjoy this period of singleness and grow closer to Our Lord.
Jason Evert you may have heard of him if not, there are talks of his on youtube you could listen too. He also has some books out on dating and such one being “If You Really Loved Me”. I enjoyed it a lot Good luck and God Bless
Know how to:
Work and make money to support yourself. Routines are life savers, but realize that the spouse is going to have one of their own. I know one couple found their residence two hours from both of their workplaces. They drove two hours in separate directions, that is.
Be a holy single. What are you going to do with yourself when the spouse is not around?
Spiritual life doesn’t die when the vows are repeated. Even if God has a non-Catholic awaiting you, be open to attending their church if their attending your church is reciprocated. We had a “mixed” family in my hometown where I thought the dad was Baptist because I saw him at church on Sundays. Come to find out, he was Catholic, and his family attended Mass just the same.
Know your pet peeves. How do you fight? If you can find the “Emergency!” episode called “Honesty”, view it.
A place for everything, and everything in its place. A designated place for the mail is a must.
My son told me about Linn’s Guide to Dating. The author lives north of here. I don’t agree with sitting down with a person and deciding whether or not you’re going to become a couple. I know from experience that if you meet your mate, the ‘soul tug’ will be strong, and the ‘you’re just too good to be true’ is a real event. When you meet them, you will know, just as priests and religious know when they step onto seminary or convent grounds that they have found their ‘true home.’
That being said, go ahead and investigate religious life. At least that will be out of the way. I also agree that God has surprises for us. Be ‘very little’ and let Him carry you.
Forget about it. If you go out and about looking for Mrs. Right, you’ll come off as desperate. As a 24yrs old woman, I can tell you exactly how unattractive that is (we can smell it from a mile away). Focus on becoming the best version of you, and don’t try to impress girls. If you become someone who is comfortable in his own skin, that’s 1000x more attractive than any other quality. Figure out how to accept yourself and others will be attracted to that. Actually, if you master that I wouldn’t be surprised if your next post is all about how to fend off multiple women.
Oh, and one piece of crucial advice. Be the sort of person you’d want to date. If you’re looking for a good and holy woman then you’ll have to be a good and holy man to attract her. Make sense? Feel free to message me if any of this is unclear - I’m writing while exhausted.
I always kinda liked St. Edith Stein’s advice. They have a good number of quotes from her on dealing with being single in this article.