Boy Band dilemma?

Earlier I asked a question about the popular band, the Jonas Brothers and how they turned into my obsession over the last few years of my young sixteen-year-old life. Now, my question was answered by a wonderful apologetic and I am on the way to a full recovery, Catholic style. But I find I am not the only one who goes/went through this problem. A lot of teen girls are very into the Jonas Brother’s music and ultimately, the boys themselves. If you have any appreciation for pop music, it’s not at all morally wrong to listen to them. The problem arises when that appreciation of them and their music turns into an obsession. Have you experienced this before with the Jonas Brothers or any singer for that matter? Being obsessed with something can never be a good thing because it distracts us from our current vocation. I realized that I need to “cool down” my “love” of the Jonas Brothers because nothing good has come out of it. I opened this thread so that Catholic teens can read what I have to say and maybe tune down an otherwise “unhealthy” crush on the Jonas Brothers or any band, as well.

I’m old enough to be your mom, but just so you know, it’s very common to have feelings like that. When I was your age Duran Duran was popular, when my sister was that age, New Kids on the Block.

The Jonas Brothers seem like a wholesome group.

As you get older, those feelings fade. You aren’t abnormal at all.

Thank you for your response, Mary Gail36!! I am just happy that I am mature enough to move on from that silly stage in my life…I know that God plans to do great things through me and other teens today, and it will be hard for Him to do His work if we are crazy about a bunch of guys we will most likely never meet and have no important role in our lives other than to be drooled over! :smiley:

Thanks for sharing your story! I’m a teenage girl (well, i’m 18! still counts as a teenager, unfortunately… :wink: ). I LOVE the band Switchfoot. However, a lot of my friends like to call me ‘obsessed’ with them, while I beg to differ. For my part, I can really connect with their music on a personal level and love to listen to it a lot; I personally believe the members of the band are good Christians and good musicians to boot; finally, I think this music helps me grow as a person and bring me closer to God. (I should mention that, while I do think that they are all “beautiful children of God” :blush:, I definitely didn’t get interested in their music because of their looks, heheh.) So I guess there’s a line between unhealthy obsession over a band or celebrity or something, and just enjoying their work.

Hm, I hope I’m not coming across as “holier-than-thou” or anything. I’ve struggled with this too in the past, and I’m really glad you brought this up for discussion!

I know exactly what you mean about being obsessed with the Jonas Brothers. I’m not, but my 12 year old sister is and obsessed doesn’t even begin to cover it. It really is very unhealthy for her because all she does is listen to the Jonas Brothers, talk about the Jonas Brothers, look at pictures of the Jonas Brothers, make scrapbooks of the Jonas Brothers, write stories about the Jonas brothers, watch youtube videos of the Jonas Brothers, go on Jonas Brothers fan sites . . . the list goes on and on and I’m not exaggerating at all. And from what I can tell that’s not even that uncommon. I don’t know what it is about those guys. Anyway, please just pray for her. :slight_smile: Being an almost teenager, she’s at a pretty crucial time in her life, and if she spends all her time fantasizing about marrying some guy that she’s never, ever going to meet (it’s true, that’s her plan - to marry Joe Jonas when she’s 18 and he’s 25), it’s probably going to shape her as a person in some ways.

Thanks for sharing your story, and no, I didn’t get that impression, lol! And comparing the two bands, I would have to say it is best for a Christian girl to listen to switchfoot!! I mean, don’t get me wrong, the Jonas Brothers are good too, but I’ve heard a LOT more Christian and deep songs from Switchfoot! Do you think you’re love of the band will end when you aren’t technically a teenager anymore like 20? Cause some people believe our love of boy bands won’t last when we’re older…which I could believe too…

:wave:

Haha, your lil sis sounds like me a few months ago!!! Yes, I was a JB zombie:hypno: I would say a 12 year old girl is still a kid and she hasn’t fully matured yet. I’ve seen some of my friends (who didn’t help at ALL with my obsession btw), who are very mature people, turn into squeamish 3-year-old children when we talked Jonas Brothers!! I can’t give you the best advice on this subject cause I’m still working on trying to change my old habits, but I can say this: It’s alright to listen to the Jonas Brothers and like their music…but your sister seems to be overboard with liking them…like I was! Have no fear, though, either give her some time to mature and learn more about herself as she enters this crucial shaping time of her life, and she’ll come around! She’ll be thanking you and the good Lord for that! “SO, why did I waste soooo much time obsessing over them, anyway?..when I could’ve been hitting the books???” she’ll say. :rotfl:

thank you for being such a greatly concerned sister! Your sister, you and your family are in my prayers! (p.s. maybe we’ll meet at a Jonas Brothers concert one day…KIDDING!!!)

lol Actually I have been to a JB concert . . . but I didn’t have that great of a time :frowning: hahaha I know I must be crazy right! But we were way up on the side of the stage and I couldn’t see at all. My sisters had a WONDERFUL time (no way, right? lol) But I agree, some of their songs are really good. Especially Lovebug - that song is so cute! <3 Me and my friends always listen to it. What’s your favorite JB song?

For gosh sakes, everyone, chill out! You’re talking about crushes as though they were an evil plot of the devil. They’re not!

It’s perfectly normal and healthy for a young girl to have an all-consuming crush on a star.

It’s a way that she prepares to fall in love with a real boy/man. Loving a star (musician, actor, athlete, etc.) is “safe.” He will never demand too much of her (especially sexually), and he’ll never reject her. Eventually the “rejection” will happen, when the girl gets a little older and admits to herself that she’s never going to actually meet him, let alone be his girlfriend. That’s a real “grown up” moment and it needs to happen to every girl so that she learns to separate fantasy and reality. (Sadly, some grown women are still looking for the “fantasy man” of their childhood and of course, they never find him. Maybe these women weren’t allowed to have crushes on stars, so they never faced that “separation”.)

Crushes give a girl the opportunity to “practice” being in love. She learns to devote herself to that one man and spend time with him just “being” in love! That’s excellent training for the real thing someday.

And she can fantasize about the qualities that she wants her “perfect man” to have when she meets him someday. Of course her fantasies will be immature, but as she grows up, she’ll figure that out, at least, most young women figure it out.

My mother had a huge crush on Gregory Peck and named my brother after him. She also developed a fixation with Tom Jones (the singer) and bought his albums (she said they were for me!).

Many women of my mother’s generation had crushes on everyone from the Beatles to Elvis to Frankie Avalon to Fabian, etc…

And before that, women had crushes on Cary Grant and Frank Sinatra, and before that, Rudolph Valentino and Caruso.

And I’m sure before that, women had crushes on other “stars.”

In the late 1960s/early 1970s, I had a monstrous crush on Jonathan Frid, the actor who played Barnabas Collins the vampire on Dark Shadows. I loved him to distraction, collected pictures and books about him, and put them all together into a scrapbook. I wrote fiction about him. My mom watched the shows for me (they were on while I was in school) and then I would write them up and read the summaries to all my friends at school who were also obsessed with him. THAT little practice exercise in writing bore fruit a year later, when I went to Junior High school and won every writing award available.

And you know something–I STILL have a huge crush on Jonathan Frid! I carry his fan club card with me! About fifteen years ago, I attended my one and only Dark Shadows festival, and when he came onto the stage, I was literally hyperventilating (along with all the women in the audience!)

And that’s OK! It hasn’t affected my ability to love and devote myself to my husband. In fact, I would say it helped me by causing me to consider carefully what kind of man I wanted to marry. I knew that I wanted to marry a man who was intelligent and artistic, and that’s the kind of man I started dating when I was 16 and that’s who I married at 21 and in a week, I will celebrate my 30th anniversary of being married to my husband.

And I think that falling in love with Jonathan Frid exposed me to a world that I didn’t know much about–the theater. My parents were fascinated by it, too, especially my mother, but they were “poor” and didn’t have the education or money to get involved much. I looked to Mr. Frid as inspiration and started getting involved by playing piano for musicals. I was in plays in high school, and even though I decided to study lab science in college, I still kept my foot in the door of the theater. When my first daughter was born, I encouraged her to be involved with theater from a young age (3), and she developed a love for theater that we could see was genuine. In 2004, she graduated from college with a theater degree and has worked since then as a stage manager. She’s dating a man who’s on the Phantom of the Opera tour, and she’s working as an intern this summer at one of the most respected theater festivals in the U.S.

All this because of a crush on a actor when I was a young teenager!

For the last ten years or so, I 've developed a gigantic crush on actor Robert Patrick (T-1000 in Terminator 2, John Doggett on X Files, Tom Ryan on The Unit, etc.) I have pictures of him up all over my frig and in my locker at work. I buy every movie I can find (unless he’s only in it for six minutes or less).

And I’m not ashamed of this at all. He’s a great guy and I enjoy being his fan. I hope that he’ll continue to stay with his wife (he brags about how they’ve been together for over 20 years) and that he’ll continue to talk about attending Mass and raising his kids and supporting our troops–this guy is almost too good to be true! (It’s probably all an act, right?!)

As for the time a teenager spends on a crush–big deal! What are the alternatives? Praying? Reading the Bible? I did all that and still had plenty of time to be in love with Jonathan Frid as a teenager! I also practiced my piano, rode my bike, and did lots of other things–after all, when I finally met him, I wanted him to fall in love with me because I was so fascinating and physically fit! (I’m serious here!)

I’m very serious in this post. It is not a sin to have a crush on an unattainable star. It no more distracts you away from God than a husband distracts you away from God. It’s just part of being a normal girl. Girls from way back have been in love with stars, and most of them grew up into normal, God-fearing, well-adjusted women. Just relax and enjoy yourself. Eventually the Jonas Brothers will grow old, just like you will grow old, and you’ll sigh as you look back on those glorious days of your youth and wonder why you were so up-tight about loving them.

Being a guy I have very little to add here… :smiley: But really, I think any interest can be unhealthy when taken too far; its part of growing up to separate reality from fantasy and learning whats truly important in your life.

I’m the sort of person who can easily ‘get into’ something and take it too far if I’m not careful, so I admire you for being able to decide to re-prioritise your life in that way.

You’re very right, Cat! And I’m sooo glad you found that special man. I just want to add-on that some girls who aren’t as lucky as you search for a long time for “the” man. They stumble through life wondering if he’s really out there. And that’s okay! As young teens, we don’t even know who we are yet. Only with a LOT of trust in our Lord, and finding out who we are along the way, can we see we’ll find that guy…or maybe God has a whole other plan for our lives!
We are saying it IS alright to like boy bands for your very reasons…but obsess like I said and it can be a problem!! Why? The distraction takes away from our current vocations!!! SO, girls, go ahead and love that band or singer like cat said. But the most important point I am making is DON"T become OBSESSED. That’s it!

LOl, thank you for your input, BenM…I agree with you 100%!!

God Bless you all! May our Lord deliver us from any Obsession!

Haha, that’s soo funny about the concert! I LOVE Love Bug too! “modesty is just so hard to find” Love you, Nick! haha, anyway, my favorite songs are: Paranoid, Fly with Me, and A little Bit Longer! (The first too are very new and very good!):clapping:

Thanks so much for the post, Cat! I thought you had some really good points. I had never thought about it that way before, but I think you’re right in that having a celebrity crush can in some ways prepare you for future, “real” crushes and rejection! Good points. :slight_smile:

Crushes don’t hurt anyone, what’s the prob?

Oh, there’s nothing wrong with having a crush…we were just discussing how crushes can end up making us go a little overboard. I love guys!! Hopefully one day God will bless me with a man I can love and cherish for the rest of my life!! But for now, I am content as I am. It’s normal and healthy to have a crush on a celebrity…if you know the reality of the situation and that God has a special plan for you;)

God Bless!

Yes, just don’t go crazy about it
:smiley:

:aok::thankyou:

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