I’ve seen versions of this predicament on here but not my own. I’ve known my boyfriend since we were babies but only began really talking to him two years ago. I’m 26 and he’s two years younger than me. We’ve been dating for almost two years and have discussed marriage plenty of times. We planned on getting engaged soon. He seemed so eager for our future together. Two or three weeks ago we flew out to NJ to attend his brother’s ordination as deacon. It was beautiful. Even I was touched. But just a few days ago, my boyfriend sat me down and told me lately he hasn’t been able to eat or sleep, that he was struck while visiting the seminary and feels God may be calling him there. He is very confused, as he says he is still in love with me. I’m obviously very confused as well. We began dating after a pilgrimage to Poland. Just before that trip he had prayed to God for his vocation, otherwise he planned on trying the seminary & that’s when we began to know each other. I hadn’t planned on going on the trip at all but was in such a horrible mental state that I ending up buying a ticket at the last minute, desperate for God to show me my own vocation. We fell in love and it all seemed meant to be.
I dont understand how this came on so suddenly. He had planned this big day of my birthday this week and just a few days ago we were discussing our future. He’s angry with God for calling him when he was so happy with me, but says he feels less devoted to us. I try to be there for him, to say all the right things. I’m letting him go away and pray to discern his vocation. I know he is suffering and that also kills me. I do want him to be happy. But I feel so broken and afraid. I haven’t been able to eat in about four days. I’m constantly sick to my stomach. I have anxiety disorder and this just makes it 10x more unbearable. I cannot imagine a future without him. I’m hoping it’s an Abraham situation. My boyfriend brought up that "God gave Abraham what he wanted in life, but he turned away from God and idolized his son. And well you know that story but the point is “look maybe he’s just calling you to see if you would sacrifice this relationship to follow him and if you do remember what happened, he was able to keep what God gave him.”
He seems desperate for that to be true… but too desperate, as if he knows the other option/calling is stronger and that scares him. that bit is just my observation.
I know he will be leaving soon. He is making plans as I type. Do I attempt to do the seemingly impossible and move on? should I have hope for us or is that just letting myself be strung along?
I know I probably should just pray for God’s will, but right now it’s just so hard.
Edit: there was no clear break up (yet). He is leaving for a while to go pray, before he decides if he wants to enroll or not. He is not yet enrolled. If he does, I know that’s a clear break up. As of now, nothing is clear.