[quote="cmscms, post:8, topic:203366"]
Perhaps your boyfriend actually believes he is being more generous than others. Until he actually sees the financial statements, he is clueless to the money required to rn a church.
As much as I would tend to be like you (try to give generously), there is a deeper issue at hand. You are planning on being married and still have not discussed finances (the #1 cause of divorce).
I see this more as a discerning marriage issue. I would simply say something like 'I think we have been together long enough, it is time to start sharing our financial views. One thing that is important to me is giving a lot to the church. Would you mind telling me how you feel about that'
Many of the people who posted in this thread have mentioned that he and I need to sit down and talk it out. Right now the plans are to get engaged (he already has a ring and that has been paid off awhile ago) sometime during our Florida vacation which will take place the week of July 21st. I don't know WHEN but its sometime during that week. What I'm planning to do is come up with a list of topics that we should cover prior to getting engaged and just make sure we're on the same page. Once we return from vacation, we'll be speaking to our priest about starting the marriage course that I'm sure will be helpful to the two of us as well.
[quote="vera_dicere, post:9, topic:203366"]
I agree on the two main replies raised so far, you can't know his intention, and have the money talk with him.
Of course, perhaps he only had a few singles on him when he went to Church on those days.
I'm currently unemployed and I get a benefit from the govt. but I give a few dollars when I can. Remember when Jesus pointed out the poor old widow giving a single coin, and the rich man dropping in a bag of coins? Who was giving more?
If he is being skint fisted, it'll become evident soon enough. I mean, how is he when you're out on the town? Does he drop money into street collections for various charities? Its too soon to judge, I think. But defintely have the money talk.
Blessings to you both!
Oh trust me, he CAN spend money--- we went to NYC yesterday and he paid for a wonderful lunch at our favorite spot in Little Italy. He has no problem paying for things when he has money and we're handling the "you also have to save your money" issue quite well. But I don't see him necessarily giving to the poor--- that's something I have to work on with myself honestly too (such as when a stranger comes to me, I do give to charities and to my family and friends when they need it). I think its more about opportunity than him deciding NOT to. If I brought it to his attention, I'm sure he'd give what he could. (He was much nicer to one stranger who was asking for money yesterday than I was. :imsorry:)
[quote="RobNY, post:10, topic:203366"]
Virtue is a habit. Thus, virtue is formed by many repeated acts.
At the very least, he **is** forming a charitable habit because he does it repeatedly. My confessor once said that it is better to give one dollar one hundred times than one hundred dollars one time... precisely because repeated acts form habits. **
If the issue is generosity, then perhaps that will come in time as he grows with God and starts to trust Him more. But he is at least starting on the right track, even if he isn't 100% there yet.
If you feel that you should talk to him about it, after praying, then make sure to be direct and frank with him, and at the same time, to express that you aren't judging him, but that you want to know what **he**** thinks about the issue. It may even be a good idea to leave it there the first time... once he tells you say thanks, tell him you love him and drop it. It will come up again, and it can be a bit overwhelming to process something so big very quickly.** It will give him time, especially if he processes things as an introvert, to process it and pray with God about it before you discuss it again.
I like that thought that its more about how often than how much. I remember bringing it up that he should put something in the basket once it comes around now that he's a part of the parish and he has since then as long as he has money in his pocket.
I do think he gets quickly overwhelmed and feels judged when the topic comes up--- I know he dislikes speaking to his Mom because he knows she'll bring up questions about stuff and he feels like she's judging him. And I have learned to sorta be his cheerleader after we have a talk and tell him how much I love him. Thanks for suggesting how a discussion about this could happen. :thumbsup: