Boyfriend wants to make sister a better Catholic?

Hi, as you can probably tell, I’m pretty new to this forum.

I have a twin sister (we’re both 15) and she has a boyfriend who couldn’t be more Catholic. We are Catholics ourselves, we go to mass every Sunday, but do not agree with some beliefs of the church. Our parents want us to have faith in a religion, not necessarily Catholicism, and when I’m older I assume I’ll stay Christian but not Catholic. I have been through a lot in my short life and I disagree with too many Catholic teachings.

But enough about me! My sister’s boyfriend is so compassionate and caring and just an all around great guy. They’ve been dating for a while and have been respectful of each other and truly love one another (don’t tell me that they don’t, you don’t know them :)). The thing is, I think that he makes her feel bad about her personal relationship with God. We don’t really believe in penance (if you feel bad about it, just pray!) but he insists that she goes with him more often because she has a lot of sin. That’s just one example.

My issue is that I am worried that he wouldn’t be dating her if she wasn’t Catholic. I personally don’t think your faith should be the main definition of who you are. I’m concerned that he thinks her faith is the best quality she has, even though she’s not a “good” Catholic. I just don’t know what to think of this whole situation. Any thoughts?

I think that compatibility in faith is one of the MOST ingredients in a successful relationship.

Well, you shouldn’t date someone out of some attempt to convert them, and you should love someone for who they are, despite their flaws.

But you yourself said that they really care about, respect and love each other. Love is more than just a fuzzy feeling, it’s an active desire to do what’s best for the other person. Sounds to me like your sister’s boyfriend is trying to get her more involved with her faith and with God. If he’s having respectful, honest conversations with her about what he believes and what the Church teaches, then that’s not “making her feel bad” as much as it is being honest with her, even if the truth isn’t always pleasant to hear. Yes, the truth needs to be said with charity, but it can’t be sugar coated.

So long as he’s being respectful of her and doing it out if love for her, I’d say he’s doing a very good thing. Unless your sister tells you otherwise, I’d advise you to let them be. :slight_smile:

you cannot be a good catholic on command to anyone elses timetable.everyones journey is as unique as your soul.

well, you can’t really “make” someone a better catholic. it’s something they have to want to do themselves. however, is he encourages her and she is open to it, I don’t see anything wrong with that. she may decide to become a better atholic regardless of how she feels about it now. you have to be open to that possibility even if you feel differently about it.

I would encourage to focus on your own spiritual life first. since you are on a cahotlic forum, I have to give you catholic advice. I was in your position a while ago. try and figure out which teachings you don’t agree and why you don’t agree with them and work through them. I came close to leaving the church as well but I’m so glad I didn’t. there’s nothing out there that can fulfill you. and I found it was often times I didn’t understand the teachings or simply didn’t know them very well.

there are many knowledgeable people on this forum that can help. god bless you on your journey.

When you date someone, they will always influence you, whether they love the outdoors, football, animals, etc or to the negative, like maybe they drink too much, have no interest in good grades at school, hang around with a bad crowd. So he is compassionate, caring, and an all around good guy. If your sister grows in her faith, that’s a good thing, isn’t it?

When a person is in your life and challenges you to stretch yourself, improve yourself, well that’s what teachers and parents and coaches do. It can be a very good thing. Whether you understand it very well at the moment, exercising our faith makes us stronger in the virtues, which will serve us well our whole lives, regardless if we remain single, get married, are in school or the work place. 15 is a very good time to look at our faith and put it into practice more each day, making it our own and not something our parents say is good for us. Like maybe when you were little they helped you brush your teeth every day but by 15 you can see for yourself that brushing your teeth has multiple benefits to you and your parents supervision isn’t necessary any more. Understanding your faith better has it’s benefits for a lifetime too. I’m glad he is walking along side your sister for a while.

For your information if you are a baptised Catholic you remain a Catholic forever even if you turn your back on the Church. There is no such thing as a former Catholic.
There are only two types of Catholic - those in a state of grace and those in a state of mortal sin.

As for being only 15 and disagreeing with Church teachings I would venture to say that you simply don’t understand them. Have you sat down with a priest or someone who can explain the teachings you disagree with and what underpins these teachings.
Sadly many young people just say at face value they don’t agree with particular teachings when they don’t even know what the Church ACTUALLY teaches and why.

Why don’t you start a separate thread and tell us what teachings you disagree with and why you disagree with them.

I never made the choice to be baptized. I made no promises at my baptism.

And it is very valid that I do not understand a lot of the church’s teachings. I would like to learn more about Catholicism and perhaps I will create a new thread. I have a lot of questions and disagreements that were never answered in CCD or the internet or from anyone I know. It would be nice to get some answers. Maybe I’ll create a new thread.

After some thought, I think you might find this interesting…

God, since Adam, has been building throughout the centuries and centuries, to climax with the coming of his son Jesus. He built on covenants which is an agreement he sets up between himself and his people.

He began with Adam, establishing a marriage covenant.
Noah, he had a household covenant
Abraham, a tribal covenant
Moses, a national covenant
David, a national kingdom covenant

Then Christ his son as a world wide covenant.

Christ set up Peter as his ‘prime minister’ if you will, and his successors to take care of business on his behalf. There was no other Christian Church for centuries and centuries until someone decided he didn’t like something, and he split off. Until then, there was one, holy, apostolic Church.

We are here for a very short time, and what we do with this time will determine where we will spend eternity. God is real, and the devil who hates us is real. Be very careful who you listen to because the devil is cunning and is very interested in pulling us away from God and away from eternity with him. We are very fortunate that Christ established the Church from the beginning and remains with the Church until his coming when he will separate like a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.

Choose well. Choose to walk in His blessing.

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