BoyFriend will not marry


#1

:o I have been with the same man for over 10 years.I love him with all of my heart,he also loves me back.The problem I have is that he does not want to get married. He saids that we would end up divorce if we did get married.I have been praying and asking God to help out.{Please give me some advice.


#2

My advice: it may be time to move on. If it’s been 10 years and he still will not entertain the idea of marriage, I really can’t see that changing no matter how much you love each other. You want to be married; you deserve to be with a man who wants to be married to you. If your boyfriend doesn’t want to be married, then he needs to be single.


#3

I agree.


#4

I second that.


#5

He’s made his decision. Now you have one of your own to make.

Your post is short but you say a lot in those few words. You are dating a man who does not share your vision of the future.

It seems as though you are currently in a relationship that he seems to think is just as good as marriage-- that seems to imply you are having sexual relations and possibly living together. If you want to live according to God’s plan for marriage and family, you are going down the wrong path. If you want God to answer your prayers in this area, you should start by living according to his commandments. That may mean ending this relationship, but God can then bring man into your life who does value and cherish you, share your vision of family and future, and wants to obey God’s laws too.

You might think you love him with “all your heart” but clearly he is not committed to you in the way you want him to be. He also has a very negative view of marriage. Ten years is about eight too many.

He isn’t going to change. So, what are you waiting for? Move on.


#6

Thanks for the advice it’s easier said then done.


#7

I know, Isu…and I’m sorry for your situation.:frowning: But, think of it this way–if you don’t leave now, you might be waiting another 10 years. I think that some people are just not ready for commitment, for whatever their reasons. But, we are also called to love ourselves, and to follow God’s plan. When doors close, it typically means that God has something BETTER for you, in mind.

I will keep you in my prayers, Isu.


#8

I third that. You deserve better.


#9

It doesn’t get any easier as time passes. If you truly do love each other, then you want the other to be happy. You can’t both be happy when you both want very different things for the future. It may seem the most difficult thing to do to leave, but it’s a whole lot easier than dealing with the regret you’ll face if you stay for much longer. There are gentle ways of handling this.

If you do decide to leave, and he suddenly changes his mind about marriage, please be cautious. If you’re living together now, move into your own place and stop having sex with him. Give yourself some time. I know that’s real scary, but it can also be beautiful and exciting too. God bless you.


#10

Of course it’s easier said than done. But a journey of a 1000 miles starts with one step.


#11

After 10 years, isn’t it like you’re already married?

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#12

maybe do some reading and praying on the meaning of “love” if you consider his behavior and attitude “loving”.


#13

He saids that we would end up divorce

Isu, you’ve been with a guy for ten years who either doesn’t trust you with a vow, or who expects you to remain with him even though he doesn’t trust himself with a vow.

Ten years later, you didn’t change his views, but he hopes he’s changed your heart’s deep desire (a desire which was created by GOD Himself-- so don’t buy any belittling of it.)

Everyone has urged you to consider and I urge you too: why are you still there?

Isu, we know leaving is hard. Finances may be all twined up, possessions, etc. If you’re living together, maybe you are worried you can’t afford to live on your own. Yes. it’s hard for a million reasons. But isn’t staying getting harder every day? You cannot get this time back.

Get on your knees. Ask Our Loving God to show you His Perfect Will for you and ask Him for the POWER to carry that out.


#14

I suggest more prayers, but you might not like the answer God is/trying to give you.


#15

I was with the same man from when I was 14 all the way until I was 26. He to did not want to get married. I gave him an ultimatum either we get married or we split up. We became engaged, but he never wanted to set a date. … I finally left him. I met my (now) husband 4 months later, and was married that year. We have been married 16 years, and have 2 beautiful children. I couldn’t be happier.

I later heard that my ex-boyfriend also married soon after we split up. The hard fact for me to accept, but which I have accepted is that. Its not that he never wanted to get married. Its that he didn’t want to get married to me.

Your boyfriend doesn’t want to get married to you. There is a reason for it. Accept reality and move on. It will be better for the both of you in the long run.


#16

Isu, it seems that your bf has made his decision. If you want to be married in the future, you are wasting your time staying with him…time that could be spent getting out and meeting new people, and maybe finding someone who does share your dream of marriage and a family in the future. While I take issue with some of the things Dr. Phil says, he has one saying that I agree with 100%: “The only thing worse than staying in a dead-end relationship for x years is staying in it for* x* years and one day.” It will hurt to walk away (BTDT myself, so I know how it feels), but you will be doing yourself a favor in the long run.


#17

Its not that he never wanted to get married. Its that he didn’t want to get married to me.

Your boyfriend doesn’t want to get married to you. There is a reason for it. Accept reality and move on.

Now there’s a jagged little pill to swallow. So many times the TRUTH really hurts, but that same TRUTH will set you free.


#18

Sorry I haven’t read all the replies so not sure if this was suggested.

I was in a 6 year relationship that was going nowhere quick. A friend of mine gave me the book “He’s Not That Into You”, it is not a Catholic book of course. I will tell you that book did make me rethink how I allowed myself to be treated in relationships. It was the knock across the head I really needed.

Two years after I read the book I married my DH (not the guy I had been with for 6 years)


#19

Isu, everyone has given you great advice, and I hope you seriously consider it.

You deserve better.

Love means being a complete self gift to someone, and this man is not willing to give himself to you. That pretty much makes it a dead end.

I can’t help but worry for the both of you what could happen in a 10 year unmarried relationship…it seems that having a relationship that long and not be married it can only lead to some sexual involvement. I’m not trying to accuse you or your BF of being unchaste but at the very least it would be very hard to avoid that after that many years.

Something to consider…

Prayers for you:)


#20

Isu,

May God’s grace and strength go with you. I think you already know the answer to your question, and probaby have known it for some time now. He is not only not going to marry you, but he would be the wrong man to marry. Even the secular world understands that if a man is unwilling to commit for life, he doesn’t truly love you. If you are a Catholic, you know that marriage is a sacrament; it means the holy union of two people, selfless and self-sacrificing. If this man is unwilling to commit even to the secular idea of marriage (which can still be a very selfish thing), he is nowhere near prepared for a sacramental and holy marriage.

You are at a crossroads in your life, Isu. This is the test that will determine how much value you place on yourself, your life, and your service to God. Break it off, endure the pain for a little while, and fling yourself into the arms of Jesus. He will never fail you in His love.

mary


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