Break up and priesthood?


#1

Long story short. Im dating a girl (agnostic) and I want to be a priest and I know God wants me to be a priest. I want to break up with her but I also want not to hurt her feelings. Advice? Prayers?


#2

how wonderful that you want to be a priest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all important that you are saying "YES" to Jesus--when He says come follow Me"!!!!!
slowly as time goes by i think you'll see that --the relationship you have with Christ is the most important relationship you will ever have!!
your sensitivity toward your friend will mean much in the priesthood and oh
so helpful.

i think your girlfriend will understand and if she doesn't i don't think you would
want to cultivate a friendship that might lead you away from God.
and just think --everyday you can say a prayer for her--which is a gift or blessing she may not understand now--but with a priest or future priest praying for her
you just might help her more than if you didn't enter the seminary.
prayers for you and all people saying YES to Jesus's call!!


#3

[quote="4givemeasinner, post:1, topic:275420"]
Long story short. Im dating a girl (agnostic) and I want to be a priest and I know God wants me to be a priest. I want to break up with her but I also want not to hurt her feelings. Advice? Prayers?

[/quote]

Congratulations. You must answer the call. Will she be hurt -- likely, probably. Maybe she won't be surprised at all.

Eventually she will see this as right, even if her feelings are initially hurt. I pray she realizes that for you to go against your calling would not make a good marriage. Pray that she finds the right partner for her.

"My dearest Jesus, teach me to be patient, when all day long my heart is troubled by little, but troublesome crosses."


#4

I myself have felt the pull towards the Priesthood for the last several years. I’m still in RCIA now. While I am still waaaay early in my discernment, my Parish Deacon is assisting me with my spiritual as well as vocational discernment (and thank God for his help). I’ve been in the same situation (though not with agnostics though it makes no difference). I still held on to the desire to have a girlfriend/future wife. And I think some Priests will always retain that but ultimately their love of Christ was greater than their love of self. For me I went from one relationship to another. It would start out well, my intentions were good. But then I’d lose interest as I felt called towards the Priesthood and it caused complications that resulted in the ending of said relationship. I bounced from one relationship to another all with the same result over a period of about a year (please note that I’m not all that popular so thankfully I didn’t leave a trail of broken hearts in my wake :D) I kept praying for guidance and for Christ to help me understand His call. I knew He was calling me, I knew that beyond any shred of doubt. What I didn’t know, was what type of vocation (and I still don’t). I prayed for guidance and peace and for awhile I thought silence was the answer I was receiving (it is a valid answer, one we get all the time and most never understand or truly appreciate). Ultimately God answered my prayer in a way that worked for me (I feel He truly answered my intention the way I wanted if not needed Him too). Of course I understand there was more answered in that prayer than I will be able to understand and that it wasn’t just “my” will God sought to be done. But He has taken from me what I had offered for almost a year. my desire to be in a relationship. It is gone and has been for some time. I make no illusion that this is permanent as it will come back more than once. But what I needed was time without distraction. I needed time to chase God and not skirts. This peace, which I have never felt before, has been a grace I know I don’t deserve but am eternally grateful for. It helped me come into RCIA, it is helping me grow in my understanding of Christ and His Church and it is helping me in conquering myself by virtue of overcoming habitual sins that have been separating me from Christ (though I don’t claim to be without sin as that is impossible). All I can say is pray my friend. If God is truly calling you, pray that you might rid yourself of all distraction so that you can focus fully on the Lord and in the silence found in that peace, be able to discern what it is God is commanding you too. This world is in need of Priests now more than ever. God calls many. Few answer. It’s a long road, one that is not guaranteed. Desire to be a Priest is not the same as being called to be a Priest. That is something we must be obedient to the Church for in allowing the Church to judge our merits and virtues as being compatible with Christ’s Priesthood. As my Parish Deacon suggested (though I’m paraphrasing here) formations progression hinges on the strength of ones prayer life. To be clergy is to live a life of prayer. Priests do more than just pray of course, but it is one of the most essential aspects to the clerical life. This is my biggest obstacle right now is developing a solid prayer life. My RCIA team and Deacon Lee as well as Father Timar are serving as fantastic examples and are essential in my continued growth. Right now my eyes are set on Christ. I will keep running towards Him. Wherever I’m at when I stop will be Christ’s call not mine. Regardless of where that is I will obey. Good luck my friend and God Bless!


#5

please note with my above post that when I speak of choosing Christ over choosing self in regards to marriage I am speaking specifically about people who are actually called to the Priesthood. Marriage is an equally important vocation and just as difficult in its own ways. Just wanted to point that out in the event someone thought I was taking a shot at marriage.


#6

I will pray for you!

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

Amen.


#7

[quote="4givemeasinner, post:1, topic:275420"]
Long story short. Im dating a girl (agnostic) and I want to be a priest and I know God wants me to be a priest. I want to break up with her but I also want not to hurt her feelings. Advice? Prayers?

[/quote]

How long have you been dating her, and why are you still with her if you have for a good amount of time been discerning priesthood?

The Church will confirm if you have a vocation to the priesthood.. if its from God.

How are you gonna preach about salvation and sin, and say that fornication, condoms and divorces are great evils from your pulpit in the church if you can't even tell your girl friend that you want to be a priest?

Every day where you dont tell her, you will be leading her on, and she will be much more hurt if you dont tell her now than if you wait.


#8

[quote="4givemeasinner, post:1, topic:275420"]
Long story short. Im dating a girl (agnostic) and I want to be a priest and I know God wants me to be a priest. I want to break up with her but I also want not to hurt her feelings. Advice? Prayers?

[/quote]

Simply tell her the truth. It is the only way.

Lesson: do not date when discerning. It's unfair to her. Every minute you are with her and knowing you want to become a priest you are lying to her. That is just cruel, far crueller than just telling her the truth. And you cannot truly put your heart in discernment when you are in a dating relationship because that relationship takes up part of you. If you feel God may be calling you to the priesthood, then you need to be open to listening to that call with no distractions. Dating is a distraction.

I will keep you in my prayers.


#9

[quote="PerfectTiming, post:8, topic:275420"]
Simply tell her the truth. It is the only way.

Lesson: do not date when discerning. It's unfair to her. Every minute you are with her and knowing you want to become a priest you are lying to her. That is just cruel, far crueler than just telling her the truth. And you cannot truly put your heart in discernment when you are in a dating relationship because that relationship takes up part of you. If you feel God may be calling you to the priesthood, then you need to be open to listening to that call with no distractions. Dating is a distraction.

I will keep you in my prayers.

[/quote]

Actually, I'm going to have to disagree with you there...:p

Dating can be part of the discernment process.:hug3: Have you considered that perhaps a young man or woman should not only discerning a religious vocation, but their vocation? It is indeed possible that, though we feel as though we want one way of life, we're being called to another entirely...

A cursory look on these forums with a discerning eye will show you that not everyone here contemplating a religious vocation is exactly doing so for the best of reasons;:compcoff: I've seen a number of posts which deal with an attraction to the habit of the particular community, which is a completely ludicrous reason to believe you're called to a community.:doh2:

================================

I think the deeper question for the OP is how can you be so certain of a clerical vocation?:ehh: Even the seminary is meant to be a part of the discernment process; but dating, itself, is a discernment.:juggle: Though you don't feel called to marriage[1] with her, that doesn't mean that you should automatically say :pshaw:"OK, welp, time for the priesthood!", as (with your limited post) I seem to be getting... Nor at the same time, does it mean you should go out seeking another girlfriend just to find the "right" girl, but if I had a nickel for every old guy I've run into who's gone to the seminary for some time and discerned out of it...

[1] i.e. two parties entering into one because they, together, have discerned that God has called them to holiness so...


#10

I agree with PerfectTiming on this one. And, in fact, this may apply to anyone discerning their vocation in general, even if it wasn’t the vocation to priesthood. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me about 4 months ago. We had the most wonderful relationship, and I still love him so much, but I understand why God told him to do that… He needs to figure out what his vocation is. It might even be priesthood, aswell. That possibility was always floating around. While the breakup was immensely painful for both, and while right now he’s apparently realized that it’s best to not be in touch with me (hopefully it’s temporary, but only time and God will tell) which is definitely painful too, it was so much more painful to be in a relationship where, towards the end, I felt he was just…absent. His mind was elsewhere, and I could tell he was troubled for quite a while. I could tell he was confused, and it hurt so much that I couldn’t do anything about it. In fact, up until we broke up, I had almost convinced myself that it was all my fault.

I miss him greatly, but the best thing he could do was to break up with me, and I know this. I love him so much and I know he loves me, too, but when God is the One holding your hand through a painful event, you just know that everything will be ok. It still hurts on this end, but I never had and still don’t have any negative feelings towards him. He’s been the most wonderful gift God ever sent me, and I respect him and love him even more for the honesty and courage that it took for him to make the decision that he made. Whatever the future brings to him, me, or both reunited again, I know it will be wonderful because God is the One that’s in charge.

Listen to God, He’ll guide you. From experience I’ll tell you that your girlfriend will be hurt, but I can also tell you it won’t be the end of the world. My ex-boyfriend and I, I think, paid close attention to what God was telling each of us as we were breaking up. That ended up in, as weird as it may sound, the most loving and peaceful (though very painful still) breakup. Don’t be afraid; trust God - He will take care of both your hearts. When you follow His will, nothing can go wrong. It will be difficult, but if you know that it is right, then that’s what you must do.

I’ll keep you in my prayers! God bless you and guide you throughout this difficult decision.


#11

Hey guy,

Just know that God never calls people who are capable, but he makes capable people that he calls to priesthood.

When he calls someone, he open all the ways, so don't stress about you girlfriend, you just have to pray for your vocation, for her and talk with her in the truth.

Try to have a spiritual director, that could help you so much.

Good bless you.


#12

I second this. Dating while discerning priesthood is not gentleman like… its the same as having the back door oppen. I know a couple where the guy pulls the “maybe my vocation is really for the priesthood” whenever there is a conflict between them. the girl hates this, but has become too attached to the guy… both are responsible for this… but I can tell that the one suffering most in the end will be her, for the guy is not fully investing himself in the relationship.

A man who is seriously contemplating priesthood should not be wasting the time of a lady and get her emotionally fixated on him, which exclusive dating does.

Friendship yes… but a man who thinks he might well become a priest must prove his character by praying about that for a while, make a choice and then follow that choice.


#13

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