"Breaking the Ice" at Church

I’m really uncertain as to where I can post this question, so I apologize ahead of time if I’m in the wrong forum topic. It does relate to my living as a Catholic. :heaven:

I have been attending my Catholic church for 4 years now. People do not make eye contact with me. I’ve wondered if it’s because I’m in my late 30s and unmarried. I am friendly and courteous to all, however I can’t seem to make any Catholic friends in my own town. The church really doesn’t have a welcoming commitee. We still have the same priest, however I don’t feel like I can talk to him about this situation. I’m not sure if I’m doing anything wrong at this point.

Someone once told me church is “not for socializing”. But ~ how does not being social with other like-minded individuals help the community?

Should I try a different Catholic church?

Thank you. ^,^

Different forms of this question have been asked on this forum and the answer usually is the same: Perhaps you need to become more involved with your parish. Once you do volunteer work or join a prayer group or some other church group, you may connect with people in a different way. Quite honestly, I believe that most people ARE there for mass and may happen to see people from the church they know through school or prayer groups etc. but I am not sure how many friends you will make just by going to mass. If your parish does not have a group for people your age, maybe you could start one. If they do not have a coffee hour after mass, perhaps you could be the person to start one even just once a month. :slight_smile:

I’ve noticed that you’re saying things like “other people won’t make eye-contact with me…i’m not comfortable talking with the priest…”

Maybe YOU need to break out of your shell and take the initiative to meet people and introduce yourself and talk with them–including the priest.

Waiting for someone else to make the first move means you’re putting YOUR options into that person’s hands!

Hi saturn_jupiter!

I know how you feel. I’m also a middle-aged single woman with whom people refuse to make eye contact even when I’m the first to smile a greeting outside of church.

As for the alleged “cure-all” of joining groups and becoming an active member of the church? Been there, done that …doesn’t work for me when it comes to making friends. Have been a member of various ministries, including Christ Renews His Parish, … even hosted a Christmas party in my apartment for the women of the parish!

So, do I have cooties? Not at all. For some reason, Protestants like me. I seem to attract friendly Methodists, for one thing. There’s a friendly Seventh Day Adventist in my apartment who’s always happy to talk with me … maybe the fact that he’s an unmarried single helps. I’m even friends with a Jehovah’s Witness who is risking getting in trouble with her Elders for being friends with a Catholic who will never convert.

My close Catholic friend I met here on CAF.

After discovering that Donut Sundays don’t work for me even when I’ve been the first one to approach people and start socializing, I simply began going out in nature after Mass with my camera to take landscape shots. And guess what? I’m now a fine art nature photographer! My artwork has been published in a magazine and a trail guide, been given an award (first prize for a piece called “Intergalactic Scenic Overlook”) at an art gallery exhibition, and is on sale online and through brick-and-mortar consignment shops.

As for trying a different church, in my own experience, I’ve found they’re pretty much the same, except for a small country church in Virginia … If I lived there, it seems like I’d have friends … people are just friendlier in smaller towns from what I’ve seen. If I could move to a small town like that, I’d love to.

If you like, saturn_jupiter, you’re always welcome to send a Private Message to say “hi” so we can get to know each other better.


~~ the phoenix

I have been going to my parish for 2 years now and have exactly the same problem. And where I live there is no group I can get involved in, nothing. Just the Mass. It can get really lonely sometimes. :frowning:

Hey there, thanks for the reply.

Actually, I do look at people a great deal, that’s how I know people don’t look at me. lol :o I’ve talked with the priest once; he seems a friendly sort, but it seems real superficial. Nothin much past a “hello, how’re you doing?” or he looks at me like I’ve grown another head.

I have a similar problem in that there are no groups within the church. A poster mentioned I could try to start one up, so I’ll see if I can give that a try. I wonder if they’ll give me that “funny look” that seems to say “what’s wrong with you” when I ask about starting something social. (Happens at times, lol.) :o

I really hear you though. I do feel a bit lonely. I’d really like to have some Catholic buddies! :slight_smile:

I lived in a big city once and I was amazed that I could attend church for so long and not know a soul. I’m in a bit of a smaller town now and it’s almost the same. I wish folks didn’t rush right out once Mass was over. :frowning:

Hey there, thanks for the information. I am definitely going to do this. I don’t care if I get a raised eyebrow in question to starting a group! :slight_smile: I checked on volunteers at the church once and they actually don’t have a group for that; I think if I did get to volunteer for the Catholic church it will be for Catholic Charities in the next city But that’s better than nothing! Thanks! :wink:

Hello Phoenix! Thank you ~ :smiley: Yes I’ve found that other churches and their members are more open and friendly, I’m still just drawn to Catholic Mass because it’s wonderful and really comforting.

Thank you so much for the invite to send a “hello!” Yayyy. ^,^ :heaven:

When I started attending Mass in April I knew no one. It was totally by chance one day I bumped into a friend of my mum’s there, but other than her everyone was a stranger. Our chrch holds a coffee morning after one Sunday Mass. I started going to try and meet new people, and believe it or not they came to me. They saw me sitting alone and came over to say hi. I now have some firm friends and am expanding ym relationships. If your parish does something like this give it a go. I hate social situations like that but I knew it would be worse if I didn’t try.

Become the unoffical greeter before Mass. We have a lovely lady at my parish who stands in the vestibule, about 20 minutes before Mass begins, with a big smile and wishes everyone she sees coming in a cheerful hello or good morning. Everyone knows her, and she really brightens our day. :slight_smile:

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