Breaking up with a new boyfriend?


A non-Catholic friend of mine has been taking me out lately. I thought we were just friends, but today he asked me to be his girlfriend. He caught me really off-guard, and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I said yes. I have no feelings for him, and worse, I am called to religious life and I can’t wait to become a bride of Christ someday. It is my only desire in life. And now I’ve gotten myself into this mess. I’m crying; I feel horrible. How do I break things off with him without hurting his feelings? Can our friendship be saved? What is the kindest way of dealing with this? :frowning:


Be honest with him. Do it in person, not over the phone or via text.

Tell him you value his friendship, but, that you are discerning a vocation and want to remain as friends.


Tell him what you have told us-- he caught you off guard and you were very flustered. While you value his friendship and hope it can continue, you are not interested in dating anyone because you are discerning a call to religious life.


Explain to him what you said here: that you are discerning a call towards religious life and because of that you are unable to date anybody. He’ll probably be upset and wonder why you said yes (even though as you said, you were caught off guard), but I’m sure he will get to the point that he ends up being ok, and perhaps your friendship will be fine…I didn’t speak to an ex for over a year and now we’re friends. I don’t know that there’s a way to do it without hurting his feelings, but just remember to pray for him (which I’m sure you already do!)


I agree with the PP’s tell him soon. In person.

Oh, and one other thing. If you go out as friends make sure you are paying your own way. If he was paying for you then you were leading him on and owe him an apology for not clarifying the whole “friends” thing.


I think you just tell him the truth, but I dunno what he’s gonna think to himself, “dang it was so bad she went and joined a CONVENT.” :rotfl:

I’m thinkin you’re twisting yoruself into a pretzel over this and really no need to, it will be ok.


The worst thing you could do-- for yourself and for him-- is to stay in a relationship when you know God is calling you to something else. You sound like a wonderful person who is trying to do God’s will! Please don’t feel bad about getting flustered and not knowing what to do. There is no shame in that! Happens to all of us. :slight_smile: You will feel much better when you tell the guy how you really feel. It might help to plan out the conversation before you do it by writing it out or practicing what you want to say. Peace!


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