brother and his girlfriend


I have one brother who is a year older than I am. He will be 29 next month. He started dating a girl about 2 years ago. L is a very nice girl, but she is just so liberal.

My brother is way from the Church right now. I think it is mixture of laziness, the sex scandal and not understanding the Catholic faith as well as he should that is keeping him away. It is sad and I pray for him on a daily basis and try to correct any misunderstandings that he voices. But my mom and I are treading a fine line between gently pushing him toward the Church without beating him over the head.

Back to L. She is 24 and talks openly that she would like to marry my brother. My brother has told her, also openly, that he is not ready for marriage. Yesterday, I was at my brother’s house and we got on the topic of dating and living together. I strongly objected to living together before marriage, but she said she would not marry someone without living with him first. She is not religious… which I could deal with in some way, but this is her quote on her myspace page** “Faith is the great cop-out, the great excuse to evade the need to think and evaluate evidence. Faith is belief in spite of, even perhaps because of, the lack of evidence.”** *…Richard Dawkins. *****This bothers me greatly. I could deal with ambivalence toward religion, but open hostility… I just don’t know. She also said that she doesn’t want any children. I said I would love to have a niece or nephew someday. To this she replied that, my brother would have to find another girl then. I didn’t know what to say. I am wondering if she thinks this is what my brother wants, meaning no children, and she just states this to have better chance of marrying him.

Last year, at my cousin’s wedding, she asked me if her not being Catholic would be seen as an impediment towards marrying my brother. She then stated she would not mind becoming Catholic. I got very excited and said she is welcome to come to Mass with us (my DH and me) and then her face changed and she didn’t make a reply. Something tells me that she was expecting me to say that we wouldn’t care if she wasn’t Catholic. I also do not think she understands that becoming Catholic takes a long time and a great deal of commitment. Then I read her myspace page and I understood that being part of any religion is, at least at this time, not what she desires.

I like L very much. But I have problems with her views on life and religion. My brother needs a strong Catholic woman to lead him back to the Church. I know there is not that much that I can do except be a good example for him and pray for him. Furthermore, I think her open hostility toward religion is keeping my brother further away from the Church.

I don’t know what I need advice on. I don’t think there is much I can do, but I wanted to know what you guys though about the situation. Do any of you have siblings that were in similar situations?


I feel for you. My brother is around the same age as yours and fell away from the church in his late teens. I think in his case it had to do more with control and authority issues. He doesn’t like any one else to have any kind of control over his life. In my brothers case he’s also openly hostile to the church and has said he doesn’t want kids but that my change he’s only 30. I think the best we can do is pray for our brothers and hope they came back to GOD at some point. I wouldn’t get involved in his personal relationships he will only resent you for it and he’s a big boy and has to make to his own decisions. :thumbsup:


Take whatever feelings of irritation you feel for her, and do the best you can to feel pity instead.

She has sadly not been blessed by God’s beautiful grace as much as you have. Try and remember the difference between you and her are the gifts that you have been given.

When you see her be warm and loving. Try to make it so that she is DRAWN to you. Try to make it so that she desires your life and that a faith-filled life is what she desires. When people meet Catholics that are happy and warm and inviting and loving they want to be like them…when people meet Catholics that are not they may turn away. Telling her you “wanted a niece or nephew” when she said she didn’t want children might have not been taken as warm or loving by her. I know it is hard and it is so tempting to get irritated by people that are not living faithful lives but they truely need our compassion. Hope this helps.


You are right, I probably shouldn’t have said that about children. I had a drink and I think that loosened my tongue :smiley: (I don’t drink often).

I try my best to be loving toward her. I have never said anything to my brother against her. I will just continue praying.


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