But I didn't sign up to be celibate!

While I appreciate the intention and if I believe there was a remote chance and I was actually granted one, my belief is that it would totally undermine my Catholic belief and faith.

From my understanding, the Church looks at the condition at the moment you exchange your vows. When I had my marriage blessed in the Church, we had just finished having our previous marriages annulled with the reason given for myself was that I didn’t follow follow proper protocol. So I could fully accept that. My wife was given her annulment since we could prove that her previous husband questioned if he was doing the right thing on their wedding day since he had a SSA issue on that day. Having a Gay & Lesbian Times news article made this a slam dunk IMHO. My wife and I knew we had a different religious view but we were both fine with that and had our marriage blessed in the RCC. I do not see a case that should be considered for annulment. The reason she gave me for leaving was due to our religious differences. In my heart I would question someone giving me an annulment based on this as it would undermine my Catholic being so I won’t be submitting the paperwork for an annulment.

In my mind, I have the perfect example of an estranged marriage. This doesn’t say that I maintain the hope for something better in the future. I just don’t envision it with her for a long while after she’s gone through a few things.

It is what it is which means I will probably have my own personal pity party. At this point, the only ones that attend are online friends…:slight_smile:

If your wife did not mean the vows she gave at your marriage then you do have grounds for an annulment. Both people must be committed and mean what they say on the day they say their vows. Often non-Catholics do not truly understand the Catholic concept of marriage and therefore don’t really make a true vow.

FWIW, I received an annulment believing I had a valid marriage.

Interesting food for thought comment :hmmm:

The sad thought I have is that I can envision the Church granting an annulment based on this. That would skew how my family and friends view the proper RCC understanding in regards to marriage since they would see it as an easy process to get an annulment even after one is granted an annulment.

I’m in the process of discerning in being a permanent deacon. One of the requirements as a divorcee is to be celibate for at least 5 years. I have a strong desire to complete the program. By that time, I’m hoping to figure out if I’m truly happy with that before fully accepting that calling. I figure if I am truly unhappy at that point, I’ll reconsider submitting the annulment paperwork.

This doesn’t mean that I won’t have the occasional pity party. The goal is to keep them to a minimum…:rolleyes:

I just wanted to add that I’m in much better spirits now. This comes and goes for a few days at a time every few months. It’s just been harder this time because my ex-wife and I talk and do things together with the kids, probably more that we did for several years before the divorce. Thank you for all the support.

I believe it’s normal to have your ‘bad times’ shortly after dealing with your wife and have the occasional pity party. The goal is to keep them short, realize it’s part of the healing process and then move on.

You’re in my prayers.

I wish it were that easy.


This is an extremely important post. Many don’t see marriage like this, as a covenant agreement which all parties do not just get out of when one decides to quit.

Just because one does not agree to keep the covenant, does not mean that all parties can abandon it. Even if there is a dissolusion of the civil marriage contract, the covenant still stands. All covenants are sealed with oaths and come with a blessing and a curse. If one has brought a curse upon themselves by breaking the covenant, that doesn’t mean that the covenant is void for all or that the others are exempt from that curse/blessing.

And so there are some who try to live out that covenant bond, that supernatural sacramental bond between husband and wife and God, even though one does not care to participate in that bond any longer. But very few see marriage this way. It can be incredibly loneley somtimes.


In a lot of sermons,lately, it seems like the priest always ask the congregation if they are Happy. For people in our circumstances, it’s important for us to remember that God still wants us to be happy. We just have to really place our faith and trust in Him a lot to achieve that IMHO.

It’s hard anytime life throws us a curveball. I used to feel really bad that “Mr. Right” never came along in time for me to have a marriage and children. (He still hasn’t and now I’m past childbearing age and surgically minus the necessary, erm, equipment to have a baby.)

I totally realize that the difference between our situations is that I’ve been in a holding pattern that never changed, whereas your life took a good turn but then the good didn’t last.

Either way, it’s hard. I hope things get better for you. Give the adjustment time to occur and try to find at least some things to be grateful for, and whatever you do don’t do anything sinful or self-destructive, thus giving the devil the victory over you. Cling to Jesus and pray like crazy.

Another story that might have an analogy - one night eight years ago I went to bed as usual and was awakened by a telephone call that my father had a medical emergency and was being taken to the hospital. Actually he had already died before the ambulance arrived, though I didn’t know this right away. Overnight my life changed to having to help my mother in her needs, I had to leave my job, my neighborhood, my old parish, lots of things, and I grieved terribly. I had lots of “I didn’t sign up for this!” feelings being thrown into the position of care provider with no preparation and feeling isolated.

But over time, I healed, and life changed, and life went on. It can and it will. Somehow God gives us the graces to adapt, we just have to look for them. And it’s OK to grieve for what was lost, that’s perfectly normal. God bless you! And He has plans to give you a future and a hope.

Oops. Ok sorry. Everyone that gently corrected me is of course right. Only Baptism, Confermation, and Holy Orders, confer this “seal” as the catechism puts it.
Guess I got my Sacrament Appolegetics mixed up. Thanx

Some Great comments in this thread, too many for me to quote.

Who ever was talking about remarriage being hard on the children had a point. Even if we forget for a moment that Marriage is an institution of God and if we just look at it from a secular view, it’s totally destructive to a childs psyche to introduce some other man or woman to them and make them treat that person like a parent. Now I’m not talking about when one parent is really out of the picture completely, like death or total abandonment. I think it a truely virtuous thing for someone to be able to treat a spouses children as their own.

In the 6yrs I’ve been divorced I thank God for showing me just how much better it has been not to do this to my kids.

I’m sure my oldest children are thankful I married their divorced mom 18 years ago even though that marriage only lasted 5 years. The simple fact is that the parent you call first is the one you consider to be your mom or dad regardless if your blood related or not. I take pride in my older children who I remain involved with even and I have 5 grandchildren by them with the oldest being 7yo.

While step-parents typically deserve their negative reviews, I’ve strived my entire life to not deserve those negative innuendos. Not to say I didn’t have my challenges. :rolleyes:

Wait I’m confused. You Married a divorced Woman and that only lasted for 5 years but your kids are happy about that? I’m hoping that I just miss understood.

I married her with 4 kids, added two of our own and then she left and went to zero kids and I raised all 6 kids. So yes, my kids are happy that I remained their dad. I have a much better relationship with them than she does and that was 15 years ago.

Feel free to click in the link of my signature block. There are a few of us that are going through the same thing and are open to discussing it and are supportive of each other. It is a support group for this type of thing for those that don’t have one in their parish or don’t have time for one due to situations like yours. I understand - I don’t know because everyone’s situation is different but I understand and I am sorry this has happened to you. God bless.

As an aside you also need to have the pity parties you need to have. Otherwise one day it will all come out when you least expect it - please take this from a voice of experience.

All I have to say right now is AAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!

Maybe I ought to become a self imposed hermit. I keep telling myself that as soon as the kids all finish school I’ll find a nice cave to live in.

While I can appreciate the enticing thought of living in a cave when I’m done helping my girls get through college, I know I wouldn’t be happy with it and Lord wants us to be happy.

The thought needs to be that when He may close a door, He always opens a window somewhere. :smiley:

Caves can have windows, can’t they?

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