I’ve posted on these boards before with relationship questions. Before, my boyfriend of almost two years and I were seeking advice/info on getting married during college. This question is along the same lines, though different, as I believe we’ve matured in our relationship since then.
Basically, we have discerned that God has blessed us with love and is calling us to marriage. We have always known that the ‘acceptable’ thing (according to our parents and society) would be to wait to get married until after we graduate from college in 2009. This summer we began to question that, but after some investigation basically came to the conclusion that getting married after junior year would be financially impossible without going into debt. We resigned ourselves to that, and decided to wait on getting married until after graduation once more, and decided even to wait on engagement, because we’ve always been advised against long ones.
We’re now re-thinking that.
As far as our hearts and minds are concerned, we’re already engaged (I’m just missing a ring ;)). It seems that our families and friends acknowledge this, joking about what ring he’ll pick out, and assuming in conversation that we’ll be married ‘eventually’.
That said, any warning folks have against long engagements seems to already apply to us. I’ve given advice on this board before that young couples seeking chastity should try to grow in emotional and spiritual intimacy, rather than physical intimacy. But what we’re finding is that they are all together a natural progression. Growing so close emotionally and spiritually naturally draws us to desire physical closeness. I don’t mean that we’re just desiring the sexual married love which we’ve learned about together via JP II and Christopher West, but more yearning for a life together, sharing a home, our time, and so many experiences. It becomes harder and harder to imagine the next two and a half or so years apart.
At this point we’ve really decided that all we can do is completely surrender our relationship to God’s will… but we’ll have to discern what that is, exactly ;). Could He be calling us to reconsider our (human) timeline?
I’m sure some of you engaged and married couples out there have dealt with these same ideas/feelings. How did you deal with long engagements? (Heck, how long was your engagement/did you know your husband or wife before you married?) Should we really just be patient and do what we know is practical and acceptable to most people’s standards? Or is this a sign that God is calling us to a different path… after all, I believe one of Paul’s Epistles calls us to never conform to the present age.
Any responses would be much appreciated