After 8 plus years of sobriety I had a relapse and it was really bad. Two years into the relapse my oldest son was born and I knew I had to do something about my drinking. But my pride kept me from reaching out for help. I tried to control my drinking, I would go through weeks, even months without drinking, I thought I was in control of it, but would find excusses to binge for many different reasons. during the last six years of my drinking I “controlled” it by only drinking late at night to go to sleep, that was really a joke. Though I went to work everyday and even become an award winning volunteer, attended church, my whole focus was to the end of the day when I could let my guard down and drink myself to sleep. I was verbally abusive to my wife and my children. I lost controll of my finances and was very good at hiding my true self. Every morning I woke up hung over, I started my day off with talking something for my headaches and upset stomach, to the outside world I functioned and everything seemed OK. But becuase of my pride and refusing to let people know the real me I put my wife and children through a hellish nightmare. I was only able to stop and change when I finally ask God to help me and reached out those in my life He sent to me. I had to humble myself and ask others for help. My pride allowed my relapse to last almost 13 years. By having a spiritual program which I found by getting rid of my past garbage, accepting the forgivness of Christ which is found through the sacraments of the Church, doing pennace through the way of amending the wrongs I done to others, having accountabilty with other Christian men, working on program of deeper conversion and prayer, along with service to others, I’m not only sober but joyful that I’m alive. I don’t wallow in my past, but celebrate the victories, big and small in my life and in the life of others.
Healing has been gradual to those I love and hurt the most, but the hope is clearly there. None of the good in life was worth anything until I could admit I was hurting those I loved the most and take the help God offered.
If one is causing hurt to those around them, then something is wrong … If it is drinking, drugging, anger, porn, being verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, physically abusive and they tend to blame others for their bad actions then there is somthing is wrong and until they quit blaming the nagging of their spouses, the stress of their job or what ever else they have no control over, they will hurt and hurt those they love the most.
There is hope, but first I had to humble myself, get on my knees and accept the truth. Sin hurts others but God has a program of healing.