Calling all Married Couples who took a break from their spouse while dating!


#1

My story would be too long to type, so I’m wondering if any married couples today took a break from their relationship from their spouse when they were dating and it made their relationship a long stronger!!?

Also, did you see other people during your time apart!?

Thank YOu So much - I’m trying to be patient with the situation I’m in.


#2

Yes, I did take a break, 2years. Yes, I dated other people. We have been married for 18years. The only thing I would change? I would not have dated other people…they were not healthy relationships.

When we dated the first time, we were much too young to get married. When we got back together, we had both experienced life differently then we would have if we had been together.


#3

Because of our age (high scool) when we began dating, we thought it was important to date other people. In the five years that we dated, 2 or 2 1/2 of those years we saw other people. We both had a few dates with people.

I think it was wise of us to have this time where we dated others as well as each other, but it was also very difficult. In our case, we had already dated exclusively for a year so we knew a lot about each other. We found that it’s hard for any new person that you’re dating to compare favorably - due to the simple fact that you’ve know someone else (in a dating relationship) so well and that relationship is still on the table. When I went on a date, I would find myself asking if I was willing to give up (my now husband) to pursue this other person. If you’re dating a nice person, no new person (virtual stranger) is going to be able to compete.

So, bottom line, I still think deciding to date others was wise, and it probably made our relationship stronger. However, it was also painful for each of us when the other person had a date with someone. Don’t know if this helps you at all, but this was our experience.


#4

We started dating in 1981, many high school break ups, two separate colleges, frequent visits, and whamo. We were parents.
We never mention anything about dating others, it has never come up in 21 years of marriage. Through it all I found the one that mattered the most, and that is all that has ever mattered.


#5

My ex-bf decided to take a break from our relationship for four months. I met my husband 2 months in and have been with him ever since. Although I resisted the break suggestion with all I had, it was the best thing that ever happened to me because I never would have met my husband otherwise. We will be celebrating our one year anniversary in a month. :thumbsup:


#6

Yep,a little more than a year. His Sr year of college (I was in the work force already). We did date other people, stayed friends, and ended up back together.

Married for almost 18 years now!


#7

Yes we did too, I was almost 16 when i met him he was 18. I never really (dated) before that. we dated for a year. then i need to see what else was out there, we broke up for about 6 months, I dated other people. Then we got back together. I told him if it was meant to be it was meant to be. Well it was meant to be it will be 27 years this sept. I cant believe it myself. And i was young too 19. So if its true love its true love! Trust God.


#8

Our whole courtship was a “break.” We met in Oxford, where we were buddies with a kind of sweet eye for one another. Nothing serious. Returning to the States, we corresponded for seven years, and visited one another three or four times – for a total of 28 days. Then we got married. It will be 37 years come September.


#9

DH and I took several breaks but none of them were my choice. We were very young and DH was just not ready to commit so he broke up with me several times. The first few times we broke up I was devastated. The final break I had had enough and was more than ready to move on. At that point I was starting to look at dating other men and move on with my life. DH must have noticed somehow because that’s the LAST time he broke up with me, lol…I think he got scared when he realized I wasn’t at home crying anymore. He thought that was it and he wouldn’t be able to just pop up and get me back when he wanted to.

Through all of it, I guess we were somehow meant to be by God. We beat so many of the odds it’s not even funny. I went through a lot of suffering and pain to get where I’m at today but I wouldn’t change a thing. Then I would miss witnessing God’s hand in my life. :thumbsup:


#10

OOOH Boy,

This will be my last post today, cause I have to get ready for Church.

DH and I started dating about 13 years ago. Everything seemed “perfect” we had similar personalities, similar background. We got along greatly, I met his family he met mine everything was “hunky dory” until…one day he announces, “I don’t think this is working, I think we should have a break”

Well that hit me like a load of bricks, “A break, what do you mean a break…” Well we had a hiatus for about 3 months, where I was miserable…misearable, all I would do is cry. I didn’t date anyone else because I knew if I didn’t marry him, I couldn’t marry anyone else. (I’m Italian, very emotional)

We even had a long talk, where we discuss our feelings, and I told him all that I felt. He, now tells me, that at that conversation, he knew I was the woman that he would marry, but he didn’t feel ready or worthy to make that leap.

So after 3 months, we tried again, only to have another volaitile break-up, this time with me getting angry, and claiming to not want to see him again. I still didn’t date anyone, even though various people had someone they thought I should meet.

Finally, we started to interect as friends, we then started dating again… and finally he proposed. We’ve been married over 10 years, and have gone from nominally Catholic, to a pretty good Catholic couple, although there is always room to improve. We have had ups and downs. But, through the Grace of God, we are still together and we love each other in a much better way now than before.

So, hope you enjoy the soap opera which was my life.


#11

Great thread–yes! My dh moved to California for a while, and then moved back to Florida…and I did miss him, I realized. lol So, we began dating on a more serious level, and the rest is history.:wink:


#12

Um…happened to my parents. They dated for a year, then Dad broke up with Mom while he was overseas (1970’s) and then after he came back, he looked her up.

Only she didn’t live in town anymore. She had graduated nursing school and had moved 6 hours away to work as a private nurse.

They’ve been married 33 years this past November.


#13

Thanks for sharing your stories. Please, keep them coming.

But what does DH mean?
Designated Husband? haha I have no clue


#14

‘dear husband’ although I could see it meaning something else if I’m angry with my hubby :stuck_out_tongue:


#15

Met my DH at 13, knew I was going to marry him at 14.

However, it took 10 years of off-and-on-dating until we ended up at the altar. I wish it had been sooner, and that we hadn’t split up so many times, but it DID give us a “the world can try to tear us apart, but it hasn’t yet, and it’s not gonna” attitude that’s gotten us through some pretty tough times.

All in all, I’m not sure if we’d have that same fortitude in the face of trials without those long, painful estrangements.


#16

My wife and I dated in high school, and i thought it would be better to break things off for awhile since I was going to college and it was her senior year. We were still friends for 6 months but saw other people, got back together, she picked the same college i was at, continued dating, got married after graduation (too young said the family. uninformed family said us), have a five year anniv coming up in august, and now have a 7 month old daughter. Good times. Hang in there, God will guide you through this.


#17

We mutually broke up in college, basically he was moving on to his career, I was still in school… both not ready for marriage, though he did ask me. Unfortunately, he later got married, had a child, and their marriage fell apart as they never loved each other. We did get back together, and though it’s been 28 years, it’s also been a lot of trauma, especially for me, as I want so badly to be married in my Catholic faith. So, if you check out my posts, and I wrote one today, we’re waiting on him getting his paper work together for an annulment. If you love this person, do all that you can to stay together, and don’t take a break - that’s nuts. And as an adult who was too young to recognize it at the time, don’t listen to peer pressure. Hope this helps.
fmn:thumbsup:


#18

It has been my empirical and actual experience, when a relationship goes on hiatus it can be 50-50 if things work out.

You run the risk of one of the individuals realizing he/she doesn’t really wanna do this, or one of them meets someone new.

Like my daddy use to tell me, “don’t wish for something too hard, or ya just might get it.”


#19

There was the fiance that I should have taken a break from, but didn’t. He got a girlfriend after we were engaged, and I finally got the backbone to say, “That’s it.” No second chance there. I wish I’d followed my instinct and broken it off for a “breather” earlier, because after we broke up I realized that I hadn’t breathed so easily in years. I would never have looked back. I look at that one as a bullet dodged.

There was the boyfriend who thought we should “date other people”. Never got back together. He was a great guy, I missed him for awhile, but he was meant for someone else. That was OK, too.

Then there was my DH. I was the one who asked for a breather, because, well…this was it! I had so many unanswered questions, questions you don’t get to have answered except by choosing a life and living it. He was devastated, but said, “If you need to go, then do that. I won’t guarantee I’ll still be here when you get back.” I wasn’t gone for long.

There are few marriages that don’t have a day every now and then when one or the other thinks, “What on earth was I thinking?” Disappointment can do that, and since we all have expectations, disappointments usually happen. When it is someone for whom you will say, “Mistake or not, I’m with you, whether you get better or get worse, I’m with you, and when I’m my best, it has a lot to do with the fact that I’m with you”… then you’re on the right track. Even then, though, your marriage has to have your whole will behind it: that’s a decision, not a feeling. For me, the breather helps me know that it wasn’t inertia that carried us to that decision.

There is no “breather” after you marry. If either of you thinks you need one before making that total commitment, then take one. It is better not to date immediately after starting this, though, just because you’re very emotionally vulnerable and won’t necessarily be yourself or know yourself. If you end up starting a new relationship, let the other person start out by knowing the sane you…wait before you date.


#20

Thank you very much for posting! The information and your life experiences have been helpful.

I’m going to fully give her to the Lord soon, take out her number, take her off my facebook and myspace, give her back her possessions and kindly ask for mine back.

I’m going to say, if God brings us back together - I will praise Him and if I don’t see you again - I will praise Him

Something along the lines of that. I know theres nothing I can do to bring her back, but everything is possible with God (did anyone go to mass yesterday ((memorial day)) and hear the Gospel)

Have a great day!


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