I am a 23 year old female still discerning what is right for me to do. My parents do not approve of the Catholic faith, and I have prayed over becoming a consecrated virgin or a mother for some time. It is recently that it does appear this year I will be able to afford my own place. I suspect this has something to do with the choice needed to be made. I do intend to go through RCIA once I get squared away in the new place. I also find it ironic that I asked God to help me get squared into my new place, and today, we got a free tv from a neighbor that may work with a blu ray player, helping me feel more like its home to be. I somehow got the distinct impression it was his version of a house warming gift.
Prior to that when I was watching mass online catholictv, the bishop mentioned St. Therese of Lisieux, a saint I admire a lot. It was almost randomly thrown in. I have watched her film on youtube tons of times now, and it always inspires me. Then when traveling to a thrift store, the song Beyonce’s "Halo."came on. This was the same song someone had used video clips mostly of St. Therese on youtube to make a video of. The image that came to mind was that of her kissing her father good-bye and walking with the sisters into her new life.
I had a conversation with God today at work, I kept quiet and listened. It was an odd back and forth. It was explained that I can do all things with his help. I explained that I was too selfish, had been deemed so, had done things not so great sometimes. Yet, he brought up how I had been chosen from birth to fulfill this role. Despite my desire of becoming a mother, I had to look beyond that and do what was needed. It would be hard yes…but, I was still maturing, still had time to learn if I was accepting of him.
If this is to be trusted…then I do have some worries. What of my family, who doesn’t support it? How can I go through my own wedding to Christ without them their? And how do I relinquish this selfishness in my heart to still pursue being a mother?How can I begin this calling, alone before I move into my first place, and in the time leading up to full acceptance into the Church?