Can a preist be removed from priesthood if he had an affair with a woman?


#1

Hello Friends

Im new to this forum and ive been searching all over to get advise on how to react on this issue. Im married (civil) and my wife confessed to me that she had a relationship with a priest before we even got married. Despite that, i still accepted her for what she is. But now im really having a hard time convincing myself to get married (church) by a priest because of that. I already confrunted the priest and tod him about how i felt. I asked him to let go of his priesthood status so that i could accept his apology and gain my confidence with the catholic church again and finnally get married (chuch)… what do you think i should do?

what are the steps i need to do so that this priest be removed from his position

thanks in advance friends


#2

Hello again

I really need your help. Im from the Philippines and Im wondering if theres such a law in the roman catholic religion that would removed a priest from being a priest if he violated celibasy? If not voluntary what other ways? Im really concerened not only for my wife and my family but also for the other woman or young ladies that might get victimized by these type of priests… thank you and waiting for your expert advise


#3

[quote=totit_vita]Hello Friends

Im new to this forum and ive been searching all over to get advise on how to react on this issue. Im married (civil) and my wife confessed to me that she had a relationship with a priest before we even got married. Despite that, i still accepted her for what she is. But now im really having a hard time convincing myself to get married (church) by a priest because of that. I already confrunted the priest and tod him about how i felt. I asked him to let go of his priesthood status so that i could accept his apology and gain my confidence with the catholic church again and finnally get married (chuch)… what do you think i should do?

what are the steps i need to do so that this priest be removed from his position

thanks in advance friends
[/quote]

Wait a minute. You said you have a wife, then you say that you’re having a hard time accepting being married by a priest? Is this story for real?

If you have problems with the Catholic Church because of one priest, I would surmise that there are other underlying issues that you need to deal with.

Has your fiance or the priest been to confession? If they have, then case closed. They have been forgiven. I don’t see why you need to have him removed of his vocation. Asking him to renounce the priesthood so that you can regain confidence in the church doesn’t make sense. That is not up to you. It seems that you are seeking revenge because of your own insecurities.


#4

Did you go to your bishop? How does your wife feel about your concerns?


#5

A Priest is a man who sins like everyone else. If he has repented and has asked for forgivness and has gone to confession - that’s the end of it. His sins are forgiven - just like mine and just like yours.


#6

[quote=totit_vita]Hello again

I really need your help. Im from the Philippines and Im wondering if theres such a law in the roman catholic religion that would removed a priest from being a priest if he violated celibasy? If not voluntary what other ways? Im really concerened not only for my wife and my family but also for the other woman or young ladies that might get victimized by these type of priests… thank you and waiting for your expert advise
[/quote]

What is your question? Do you have first-hand information, credible evidence, that a priest has violated his vows? Are you suggesting that your wife has been the victim?

Generalized scandal or mere gossip won’t get you very far but a specific complaint, with evidence, could be taken to the bishop.

There is much in your question that needs to be clarified before counsel can be given.


#7

This is an unusual post, but one that merits concern. Plese give us more background information about the situation and how you came to have this knowledge about the priest you are concerned about. Is this gossip, or your observations, or do you have the word of a person who was directly involved in this matter? What is causing you to post this question at this point in time? Thank you for your reply and may God bless your efforts to work this out.


#8

they were married civilly…
it seems they’re looking into have the marriage blessed or validated??

As for totit_vita, StratusRose is correct.

If your wife confessed this relationship it is erased - in God’s eyes and as far as her soul is concerned.

If the priest confessed the relationship it is erased - in God’s eyes and as far as his soul is concerned.

You, apparently are struggling with a past event. To have you hold this over your wife’s head, and that of the priest’s is not charitable on your part. I would seek counseling on your part to try to work getting past it.

I would think the most you could do is write to the bishop to let him know what occured so that he can follow up on matters of the priest’s vocation…

but then you have to let it go after that.

It is not your place to hound the priest and it is especially not your place to tell other people about this past event in order to smear the priest’s reputation (that would be introducing scandal to the parish especially since you already handed the matter over to the bishop).


#9

[quote=Cupofkindness]This is an unusual post, but one that merits concern. Plese give us more background information about the situation and how you came to have this knowledge about the priest you are concerned about. Is this gossip, or your observations, or do you have the word of a person who was directly involved in this matter? What is causing you to post this question at this point in time? Thank you for your reply and may God bless your efforts to work this out.
[/quote]

According to a thread started by the same OP, I believe he said it was his wife who was previously involved with a Priest.


#10

[quote=totit_vita]Hello Friends

Im new to this forum and ive been searching all over to get advise on how to react on this issue. Im married (civil) and my wife confessed to me that she had a relationship with a priest before we even got married. Despite that, i still accepted her for what she is. But now im really having a hard time convincing myself to get married (church) by a priest because of that. I already confrunted the priest and tod him about how i felt. I asked him to let go of his priesthood status so that i could accept his apology and gain my confidence with the catholic church again and finnally get married (chuch)… what do you think i should do?
what are the steps i need to do so that this priest be removed from his position

I think your problem is more with your wife than with the priest. **Fact is - you married a woman that had an affair. **You say you accepted her for what she is but yet you confronted the priest and asked him to let go of his “priesthood status”. I’m sorry, but I find that extremely offensive. :frowning: :frowning: Priests are human too.

I think you should work on your marriage and leave the poor priest alone. Why on earth would you want to destroy his life? :frowning: :mad:

One other thing, you say you don’t have confidence in the Church, so why would you want to get married in the Church?

[/quote]


#11

[quote=carol marie]According to a thread started by the same OP, I believe he said it was his wife who was previously involved with a Priest.
[/quote]

But the relationship occured before he was married to her.

The OP is civilly married to the woman.
It appears they are seeking to have the marriage validated or blessed???
But the OP has a major trust issue with all priests because of the one priest who had a relationship with his wife earlier on.


#12

Why are there 2 threads on this same topic?


#13

[quote=totit_vita]Hello again
I really need your help. Im from the Philippines and Im wondering if theres such a law in the roman catholic religion that would removed a priest from being a priest if he violated celibasy? If not voluntary what other ways? Im really concerened not only for my wife and my family but also for the other woman or young ladies that might get victimized by these type of priests… thank you and waiting for your expert advise
[/quote]

I read and responded to your other post about this matter. I’m sorry but from reading this thread and your other thread, I feel that you’re out to ruin this priest’s life. You should concentrate on your own marriage to this woman. If I were you I’d be more concerned about your wife’s behavior and leave this priest alone.

If you feel you need to, write to the Bishop, but then forget about the priest. :mad: :mad:


#14

This is a grave situation, Please, don’t give to much personal info here (names or even area) Go right away speak to another Priest. This is a very serious issue. My Prayers are with you. Don’t let the actions of one turn you away from the Church please.:blessyou:


#15

My Aunt had a brief affair with a good family friend who was a priest. She and my uncle had 6 children and 2 adopted, she then had a child by the priest. It devistated my family, and they did get divorced. But there is a fundamental difference between our stories, she was married at the time, your wife was not. In both cases, the priest was not free to engage in sexual activity, because, in essence, he is “married” to the church. So, he was having an affair himself as well. In your case, your wife was not intentionally betraying your vows, because you were not married at the time.

The problem lies in the fact that the priest is a man who is supposed to represent integrity and honesty, who is (usually) much respected. The same (in a secular view) is true of docters and therapists, and teachers having sex with people they are responsible for, that is why there is such strict laws against haveing a relationship between these professionals and those who rely on them. It must be hard for you to see this man, holiding himself up as a virtuous leader, all the while you know that he is not.

Let me tell you the secret from the other side, this priest is still just a man, with the same fallen nature as the rest of us. Jesus did not stone the woman caught in adultery, nor did he stop the crowd from doing so by force. He simply reminded them that they too, have sinned in the eyes of God. While it is hard to believe, every priest does not betray his vows, just as every married couple does not have affairs. It is dissapointing, to say the least. In my families case, once my uncle was eaten up by the knowledge of this inside, after about 2 years, he demanded that the bishop remove him from the priesthood, or at least the diocese. His adult children found out, and publically confronted him at his parish’s festival. He made the front page of the local papers, and was forced form active ministry as a result. He now (even though he is still a priest) has a consruction job, so he can pay child support, and recieve visitation of his son (my uncle refused to be a father figure for him) anyone who lives here with half a brain knows who this child is, and as he gets older, it will haunt his public life.

My question to you is this, if he resigned his public ministry, would you be content? What if he was a married man, would you demand he divorce his wife because he volated his vows, and “she should know” because he is decieving her? It it your decision to make? Do you know this priests heart? Do you know if he repented of this? That the knowledge that he did this might haunt his soul? Are there any sins from your own past that you deeply regret? In my own case, our priest friend went totally gray in a matter of 6 months. He is tourtured. Even before it became public knowledge, I could tell he was deeply tourtured by something. I even guessed what it was. I know he regretted this, that he must have sought out the sacrament of Confession. The publicity only served to remove a good man and a good priest from active ministry. How many people could have been spriitually healed from this new personal insight into the graces of forgiveness, and the temporal, as well as the spritual effects of sin? Some of the Catholic churches greatest saints were some of her greatest sinners. Look in the bible, Paul was once the fiercest persecuter of Christians, and the Lord called him to be the greatest preacher, to the point of dying for Christ.

I don’t know this man’s heart, only God does, and His will be done. You must let the vengence of the Lord belong to the Lord, and resist to temptation to pride that you are induging in by holding him more accountable. Yes, he should be held to a higher stander, and it is very dissapointing to know that he did not live up to this, but is he any less worthy of the love and forgiveness of God because he is a priest? And then should the entire priesthood be held accountable for the sins of one of it’s members?

When we do not follow the laws of God, many heartaches occur. This is just one of many examples of that fact. There is a reason why God gives us so many “rules”. God bless you, and if you need any more insight from someone who has seen “the other side”, I’d be happy to respond. :slight_smile:


#16

Perfectly wonderful post Siena…but this is the part that really jumped out at me!!! :clapping:


#17

[quote=totit_vita]I asked him to let go of his priesthood status so that i could accept his apology and gain my confidence with the catholic church again and finnally get married (chuch)… what do you think i should do?

what are the steps i need to do so that this priest be removed from his position
[/quote]

I think you should accept his apology. I think your trust in the Church should not depend on the behavior of one priest.

If you desire to remain with your wife, I think you should be married in the Church. But find another priest to do the ceremony.

It sounds like this happened a long time ago. If your wife was a child or teenager at the time of the affair, this should certainly be reported to the bishop (or superior), with emphasis on her age at the time of their relationship. Regardless of her age, you may want to report this, but realize this would expose your wife’s misbehavior, and would probably cause her pain and embarrassment.

The bishop probably won’t remove a priest from ministry for one affair. But by letting him know, the bishop can watch for patterns of behavior. Priests should be forgiven for sins, but if they repeatedly fall into serious sins with women under their spiritual leadership, (causing scandal for the faithful and jeopardizing souls), the bishop may decide to remove him from active duty.

In the meanwhile, remember that we pray in the Our Father “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” A terrible wrong was done, but you need to forgive it. Forgive your wife, and forgive the priest, if only so God will forgive you of your sins.


#18

[quote=totit_vita]Hello Friends

Im new to this forum and ive been searching all over to get advise on how to react on this issue. Im married (civil) and my wife confessed to me that she had a relationship with a priest before we even got married. Despite that, i still accepted her for what she is. But now im really having a hard time convincing myself to get married (church) by a priest because of that. I already confrunted the priest and tod him about how i felt. I asked him to let go of his priesthood status so that i could accept his apology and gain my confidence with the catholic church again and finnally get married (chuch)… what do you think i should do?

what are the steps i need to do so that this priest be removed from his position

thanks in advance friends
[/quote]

I think you need to go to Confession. Then I think you need to talk with a Catholic Therapist, to try and discover why it is you need ONE priest to step down from his position in order for you to have your ‘faith’ restored in the Holy Mother Church.

You have a civil marriage?

I think there is so much more going on here than we can help you with - and I am so sorry you have so much on your plate! And what the priest did is scandalous - no doubt about it. You are in my prayers.


#19

[quote=LSK]I
And what the priest did is scandalous - no doubt about it. You are in my prayers.
[/quote]

Yes, what the priest did is indeed scandalous but priests are human beings and we all fall short. What his wife did was also scandalous but he went ahead and married her anyway. Now, it seems he wants to destroy the priest so he can have a Catholic marriage :whacky: That doesn’t make any sense.

He needs counseling.


#20

The bishop needs to know, in case a pattern develops. If possible, your future wife should write the letter and copies of it should also be sent to the auxilliary bishops of the diocese in case the bishop is the covering up type.

It is not for any of us to judge where you or this priest stand today. None of us know you. And a few typed sentences are not enough to pass judgement. Someone closer with the proper authority needs to make such decisions.

I hope you can come to peace and forgiveness with all this over time.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.