Can a Traditional Catholic Man marry a Contemporary Catholic Woman?


Can a man who loves tradition in the Church and attends the Latin Mass marry a woman who enjoys Christian contemporary music and attends Praise and Worship contemporary prayer/music sessions, provided that she knows that this music does not belong in the Mass?

Let us pray for each other.


Of course.

If this is a serious question to you; I would question whether you are ready for marriage at this point.

I would suggest making an appointment with her priest for both of you.

I have been preparing couples for matrimony for 18 years now, by the way.

Deacon Christopher


@Diaconia I’m still very young and not at all prepared for marriage at this point, but I have someone who I could see myself marrying in the future who enjoys these types of styles of Catholicism. That’s why I wanted to clarify.

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This sounds like the plot of one of those 1970s post-Vatican II sitcoms.


@Tis_Bearself How so? I’m not understanding.

Back then, there were a lot of pop culture films, TV shows, written works etc about traditionalist Catholic clergy and parishioners trying to get along with the ones who preferred jeans and guitars at Mass.

Also, the way you worded your post was very similar to the old school TV and movie promos that would ask a question like, “Can a man who [insert description of his tastes or background] and a woman who [insert description of woman’s taste or background that is like the polar opposite of the man’s] find happiness?” Then the whole program would be about how these two totally different people manage to have a romance despite their differences. There were dozens of programs like this.


“Traditional” and “Contemporary” are not different churches, not even different rites in the same church. You’re literally both Catholics. In other words, the answer to this question is “yes”.


Matthew - the fact that you would even question whether it’s appropriate to marry someone who has slightly different Catholic practices than you demonstrates you are not mature enough to contemplate marriage.

Perhaps start with a date and go from there.

Deacon Christopher


I think this attitude on your part might present a bit of a problem :wink:


This part is the thing I find objectionable.

Does not belong because who says so? You? I don’t understand why your preference would matter more. If you really think this way, then no, I don’t see it working out.

And I agree with others, that if this is some kind of sticking point with you, you are probably not ready to marry anyone.


@Irishmom2 I would encourage you to read Pope Pius XII’s encyclical Mediator Dei on the Liturgy and excerpts of pope Pius X’s work on the Liturgy. Also, Dr. Peter Kwasniewski, a living composer of sacred music, has some great insights into music in the Liturgy. I don’t deny contemporary music as a form of prayer, but this is my proposition to you:

If you were at any worldly royal banquet, let’s say for the Queen of England, and were instructed to put together the music ensemble that would be played in her presence during the banquet, you would undoubtedly be committing an offense to the royal office of the Queen by bringing in loud guitars, tambourines, and everyday music that sounds like what you’d hear on the latest pop hits radio.

Now, I know that you, as a Catholic, profess Jesus to be the King of all Kings, the Royal of Royals, the true God of all gods. You profess Christ to be made present in the hands of the priest in the representation of His sacrifice on calvary. The Mass is essentially the banquet of the King of Kings, yet you’re telling me that pulling in all types of casual, improper styles of music are acceptable in the Mass?

I can be accepting of this style of music outside of Holy Mass, but it’s very hard to believe that it’s acceptable within the Mass. Maybe more people would believe in the Eucharist if their Mass didn’t feel just like a Hillsong worship concert, but the greatest of all sacred mysteries. After all, if that’s all we can give to our Lord, why not just attend the non-denominational Church down the street? They’re probably doing the same thing.


I’m not sure if you’re aware, since it appears you just joined the forum, but we’ve been over questions about liturgical music dozens of times on this forum. You are highly unlikely to enlighten Irishmom or any other regular poster, or change their mind. Your opinion is just another in a very long line of opinions on this topic.

The simple fact is this: The Church, usually through its bishops and the pastors of individual parishes, allows a certain amount of contemporary music at OF Masses whether you like it or not and whether you think that’s correct or not.

If you have a strong preference for more traditional music, it’s a preference you have. It doesn’t mean your preference is thr right one (except to people who agree with you), nor do you have any authority in this matter unless perhaps you are some kind of music director for a parish or diocese, and even then the pastor of the parish and/or the bishop of the diocese would be the ones ultimately in charge.

Having said that, you’re free to attend a Catholic church where the Mass music is to your preference.
If a lady you wish to date has a different preference, then each of you will have to decide whether it’s a deal-breaker for dating and a potential relationship.

I must say that if I was considering dating some man and this issue of Mass music was a big deal to him, I’d probably find someone else to date, because I like Catholics who can appreciate a wide variety of musical styles in the context of the Mass and/or worship. I also think there are a lot of things more important in life than whether I hear chant, a guitar, or an organ playing at Mass on Sunday. YMMV.


You are entitled to your opinion.


Please listen to Diaconia, he is a man of Ordained Holy Orders, a Deacon. Vat II paved the way for the permanent Diaconate. Vat II did a lot of good in many areas. Both styles of Liturgy, the EF and the OF are valid and licit. If you fall in love with a woman who attends the OF, as you mature, there is absolutely nohing wrong with that. If God calls you to the vocation of Marriage and its Sacrament, great. You have the opportunity of becoming a permanent Deacon yourself later on if called by God.
God calls us to praise and worship in many different ways. Look at how Mass is conducted in countries other then yours. We all come to God in our specific cultural settings.

Read some Vat II documents and stop reading radical internet sites. One of the most traditional priests we have warns about the way the young trad Catholics are heading and inherent dangers.

On the Queen, she has attended Royal banquets in all sorts of settings with all music genres.


I agree that Traditional music is better at Mass, but I don’t think that alone should dictate who you marry. If you’re going to place an emphasis on beliefs, the focus should be on whether she accepts the teachings of the Church, and whether her words and actions both show that she loves Christ.

Holding differing opinions on the Latin Mass and Tradition can certainly cause disagreements, but I’m not aware of any Catholic marriage that failed because one liked contemporary music, and the other didn’t.

Even if that did happen, the marriage was probably on shaky ground from the start if that’s all it took to break it apart.

I sense a lesson to grandmother about how to suck eggs coming . . .



I’m guessing, as you use the American term ‘Queen of England’ for the Queen of the United Kingdom that you are American. Perhaps you also do not follow the Queen’s musical preferences:

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You can, as long as “contemporary Catholic Woman” means someone who is orthodox & believes what the Church teaches.

Now, if your wife is extremely against going to Latin Mass, you will either

  • need to attend the Ordinary Form with her
  • or attend Mass separately from your wife.

That sounds like a classic recipe for marital disunity.


Well, yes and no.

In some families / marriages that would be horrible.

In others it works. I know couples where husband and wife both attend different religions and a few couples where the husband attends the Latin Mass at the FSSP staffed parish while the wife and daughter attend the Ordinary Form Mass.

They say it’s not ideal, but works.

Personally, my wife is Jewish and I’m a mass attending, member of Knights of Columbus, used to sell Catholic materials to parishes, Third Order Dominican, and involved with parish evangelization ministry.

The religious differences are tough - but we make it work as best we can (we married when I was not practicing)

My point to the OP is to DISCUSS these things NOW before they get married.

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