I never consider to be a Sister or Nun before until on May this year (Mother’s Day), I was hurt because of something hurtful happened so I prayed to Mary asking for protection, that night after I prayed the whole Rosary and while before I fallen asleep, I heard Mary’s voice spoke to my ear - “You should give up all things on this secular world.” I was awake immediately and quite sure that was Mary because the voice is very motherly and clear and confirmed. It sounds like She knows Everything. After that, I started to search the meaning on this, I found a Priest to explain, and talked with a Sister. The priest said it’s difficult to know but to pray to God because our mind is also from God, the sister was not sure and taught me to pray and asked God, or maybe it’s an invitation from Mary. When I asked God, it seem God told me “It is not the time yet”.
I started to discern for Religious Life, but there were many difficulties and I cannot be sure about the vocation.
However, starting from these weeks, I wanted to have a partner and develop a family and even my own children. I always love children and want my own child. I prayed for this for many years actually but God seem doesn’t let me have one (or just the wrong one).
I feel very frustrated about it, (1) if my vocation is Marriage, why Mary would said that sentence to me so clearly? (2) if my vocation is Religious Life, why would I want to have a family and children?
Another possibility is that the sentence does not mean to walk on Religious Life, then what does that mean?
Can anyone explain these contradiction? Thanks.