I think the advice you have is good. Have a platonic close friendship and see what happens. I have heard somewhere:
Men fall in love with those they are attracted to and women are attracted to those they fall in love with.
Bit simplistic and of course not always true, but the really great men come in many guises. And your looks are the one thing that you have least control/power over. Your values, character, work ethic etc. are what lasts. What about when you are pregnant, ill, overweight, exhausted etc. will you have a spouse who will love you no matter what?
On the other hand I do think you must be attracted to your spouse but also attraction can grow as someone’s true character comes out. I am also extrovert and always went for the cheeky, witty, charming guys - not the classically good-looking ones who I found boring. But my husband was quieter and more introverted. He does have a great sense of humor though and he said he felt totally comfortable with me from the start. However, he can be a total cheeseball and his chat-up lines were terrible! I don’t think he had a lot of confidence with women. However by being friends for a while I saw all his fabulous qualities that have made our marriage so happy, fun and interesting.
Unfortunately, if he’s not attractive to you and you find him passive and boring it doesn’t look too good! Confidence is attractive to both men and women. How did you connect with him on-line, do you have many interests and values in common?
I also found when I tried a couple of my tricks my husband held the line and made it quite clear that I would not be able to dominate him and he would not take any BS. Excuse that, but he showed he could handle my immaturity and make me behave myself! I would never push him too far because he has a strong sense of self and you need two equally matched individuals for a true partnership, you don’t want it to be lopsided.