Can guys and girls be friends?


#1

a lot of my catholic female friends are telling me that it’s a bad idea. at least that I shouldn’t hang out by myself with a male.

but I have a lot of guy friends, and they all know my boundaries and respect that. I will also try and share my faith with them but they tell me I should find a male catholic to do it instead and that men and women think differently so I can’t really relate to them. but I’m the one who knows them and I don’t think evangelization depends on gender, sometimes you may be the only one who can help someone

just one more slightly related question, if you udo have a male friend from out of town, would it be wrong to let them stay at your house? is that something that could cause scandal?


#2

I defer to Billy Crystal in when harry met sally:

Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally Albright: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.

Sally Albright: What if THEY don’t want to have sex with YOU?

Harry Burns: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Sally Albright: Well, I guess we’re not going to be friends then.

Harry Burns: I guess not.

Sally Albright: That’s too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.


#3

Of course they can! Why wouldn’t they be?


#4

Okay - girls and guys CAN be just friends, but… sometimes there still can be sexual tension between them (often one-sided, unrequited). Guys and girls do generally think differently, and bond differently. Regardless - it’s probably not a good idea to have a male friend come from out of town and stay with you. Even if you don’t realize it yourself, you could put your friend in a near-occasion of sin, which could lead to him being seriously tempted to engage in solitary sins, if not worse. It’s just not a good idea.


#5

This question I think would be better to ask a priest. I also think more details would be needed to properly answer it. There are priests on this forum you could ask like Fr. Serpa and Fr. Gordon.

May God Bless You!


#6

It depends, I would say, on a great many things.

One person of the two may not have a problem with being friends while the other person may.

We men and women are pretty sexual beings, so it can lend itself to problems, it seems, sometimes.

People perfected in the virtue of chastity, I think, are best able to have healthy opposite sex friendships, but, still, sometimes difficulties may arise. One person can never know for certain where the other person may be interiorly, it seems to me.

St. Francis de Sales had some things to say on this, I believe. I need to pull that book back out again, or someone here must remember what he says on the topic.


#7

It has been said that St. Francis of Assisi and St. Clare (of Assisi) were friends, so yes, I think its possible in that respect.


#8
  1. It is never a bad idea to have friends, properly understood, regardless of sex. Jesus was friends with many women, wasn’t he?

  2. As to letting your friend stay with you, there’s nothing wrong with that, either. It’s certainly not scandal, but I think in fairness it may be an occasion of sin if you are attracted to this man.


#9

My best friends are guys.

One invited me to live with him to avoid homelessness. For a year.
No way would I have turned that down.
I slept in his bedroom, he slept on a very comfy bed in the livingroom.

We did everything together.
Except that
There was no near sin.
How common the success of such a relationship is, is another question.


#10

Of course–as long as you are clear on the boundaries, and both work to uphold them.

It helps us learn how to love in truth–not just for the pleasure we gain (sex), but for the relationship and what we offer the other person. If we take sex out of the equation, we learn what the other truly has to offer us, and we them.

It is part of learning to be a mature adult. Sadly, many never get there, and there are some in our culture who deny it is even possible. But then being chase is “unnatural” for them, so they begin with a distorted view of human nature.


#11

Of course you can. I am friends with many guys. That said it is important to be honest with each other and to not be afraid if something more is developing with a good friend because the best marriages are the ones with a firm foundation called friendship first.


#12

I thought for years that a man and woman could be good close friends.
I knew a lady since school who’s friendship I truely treasured and I sincerely would never do anything to do harm to that friendship.

And yet, now we don’t talk. Not providing details, but several third parties simply could not handle the idea of a man and woman in a chaste relationship. Innuendo spoiled something truely beautiful.

So my answer is no. Not in today’s oversexed world. It cant be done.

I truely am sorry for that.


#13

Well… I think it depends on what you mean by “friends.”

Best friends, perhaps not. As a man, I can testify that men often will eventually fall in love (or worse lust) with a female best friend. Even if there is no sexual attraction at first, he will most likely eventually fall in love with the woman.

I know that women claim to have a tendency to develop brotherly feelings for close guy friends, but for men they usually fall in love. Even if they don’t realize it at first. Men usually develop a friendship with a woman because he likes her personality, they share common interests, etc. All the things that we are SUPPOSED TO BASE finding a spouse on. So the natural feelings develop.

Every woman I ever got very close to (in a friend way) I either fell in love with her or started to & needed to back off. Even today, as a married man, I need to make sure not to get too close to female acquaintances.

Ultimately, I think that the way men and woman fall in love is actually a little different. From what I’m told, women typically need romance to fall in love, but men do not. I bet if you took a poll on here of men who at least once in their life fell in love (or started to fall in love) with a female friend, it would be pretty high. :smiley:

God Bless!


#14

#15

Personally, I think for a friendship between two people of the opposite sex to grow, it would help if they thought of each other as brother and sister in Christ.


#16

people will think what they want. some others are right, Jesus didn’t seem to be bothered by it.

I think we’re not giving ourselves and most importantly, God enough credit, we need to exercise our self-control. we’re not wild animals that can’t help sexual desire and let it rule our lives. I know, a lot of people do but it really doesn’t have to be that way.


#17

yes, they can, and yes they can be attracted to each other and still see each other, the problem comes when you do improper stuff because of that, but if you can control everthing, it is no problem at all.


#18

also there is something else, inviting someone to stay with you can be dangerous, i mean i still remember this on a magazine: “I was raped by my best friend”.
I don’t mean to be a fear monger, but there are some stuff you gotta consider specially when is about being with a man alone.


#19

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