Can I be friends with someone that I've sinned with?

Before my return to the Catholic Church, I lived a life of sin, with drugs and an immoral relationship with a transsexual person - at the time, I believed that he was a woman. I know, it’s ridiculous, but that is what leftism creates.
Eventually, God saved me and took me out of that mentality, and I lost almost all my friends - except for this one, that I though that was a woman and had a relationship. He was the only one that came back to the Catholic Church with me. After that, we became best friends, but we have lost to sin sometimes after the conversion.
We both want to become saints and avoid the occasion of sin, and we are basically the only friends to one another. So, it’s very painful to think that I can’t be friends with him. We are very afraid of the loneliness that would come, but we want to do what is right - and it’s painful not knowing what to do
My question is: Can I still be friends with him, if we don’t put ourselves in occasion of sin, or we can’t be friends anymore?
Is the friendship itself a occasion of sin?
Thank you…

1 Like

You can certainly be friends. You have to guard against falling into the sins of the past. I pray you can stay pure.


But how can I be sure?

You can’t and neither can he.
If you both intend well, after all, you could keep each other on the right track and away from what you left.


I think for some people, a plutonic friendship with a former lover is impossible. You say you two have sinned together since your conversion. You need to be honest with yourself about what led you to fall to sin before and whether or not there is a chance it will happen again.


We are determined to not fall into sin with each other again. But I’m worried because the occasion of sin is sinful, and I don’t know if simply being friends with him is an occasion of sin.

1 Like

You need to agree to ground rules and hold each other accountable. You both need to understand if you can’t stay pure you will have to stop seeing each other.


And neither do we. It could be. You have to do some honest reflection on that point taking into account what happened before and the likelihood it will happen again.

Why not make an appointment with a priest and talk it through with him. Your priest is responsible for shepherding you and helping you form your conscience.


When I confessed, the confessor said that I could be friends with him If we don’t have sinful conversations. But I’m scrupulous and I have difficulty trusting advices of priests.

Even more reason for you to find a confessor and follow his advice. Posting these questions here will only make your scruples worst.

I wish you much success.


With respect, friend, this is something you’ll need to work on. God gives us priests to be a help to us. And scrupulosity can be a sign to ourselves that we are not trusting God Himself, and are trying to make up for some perceived ‘lack’ in God through our own anxious efforts.

I 100% agree with this poster who replied to you. When we struggle with scrupulosity, we need to avoid feeing it – and we need to permit God to help us externally, through providing us a guide who we will allow to tell us when we need to let something go (or take something more seriously).

As other posters (and your priest) have mentioned, if you and your friend don’t have sinful conversations or lead each other into sins, your friendship is not sinful. In fact, if you are leading and encouraging each other closer to God, it sounds more like a good thing. However, your reluctance to receive this answer makes it sound like you personally feel like this friendship will be a near occasion of sin for you? That is, you anticipate that you will sin because of it? If that is the case, then yes, pray for prudence and wisdom (and strength), and be aware that you may need to stay away from a relationship that pulls you repeatedly into sin. It’s certainly possible that the conclusion you suspect is coming, will be appropriate.

Just try to trust God, and don’t jump rashly, either way. We don’t want to abandon a friendship that’s actually healthy just out of fear that isn’t grounded in reality. Find someone you trust (especially a good priest) who is close enough to the situation, knows you both and loves you both (and is wise), and consider their thoughts.

But reflexively shoving someone out of our life (or alternately, clinging to them and unwilling to ‘lose’ them) are both potentially unhealthy. In my experience, when God has separated me from relationships, it didn’t have to happen abruptly or in an emotional flurry. It could happen over time, soberly, with transparent conversations, and mutual goodwill.


If you are unsure you can hang out with your friend and not commit sexual sins, perhaps you can only do public things. Go have coffee and talk about books, go to an art gallery or a lecture.

In my town we have a public forum with all of the people running for county office. I’d love to go to that with a friend then go grab a bite and discuss.

What you want to avoid is giving the impression "I’m a Christian so I must now treat you like a leper’

The friendship may naturally end or it may last for years. Your example may encourage your friend to find the beauty of our Faith.

Errr sorry just saw the scrupulosity post. Find a good spiritual director priest and follow what he says. Priests are not trying to trick you by giving sinful advice.

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit