Can I be in my brother's wedding??


A few months back my brother asked me to be in his wedding as a groomsman. I agreed, saying “I think I can do that.”

Both he and the bride-to-be confirmed Catholics. They plan to marry in September. She sold her house, and I just found yesterday that the new owners will take posession on Friday. All evidence says that she will move in with him this weekend. If this is the case, I don’t feel it’s right to be in the wedding.

So, my questions are: Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? If it indeed is problematic (which I think it is) I don’t know how to articulate it gently and firmly without having it seem that I am “just being difficult.” Could you help me articulate this in a charitable and detached manner?

Thank you


Here are a few points to consider:

*]It is possible that she will not be moving in with your brother. It sounds like an assumption on your part at this point.
*]If she is, in fact, moving in with your brother, that does not prove that they will be having pre-marital relations.
*]If they are living together and will be having pre-marital relations, then they are fornicating, and that is grave matter. In addition, it cases scandal (CCC, no. 2353).
*]If they are simply living together, then there is still the issue of scandal and it would be best to help dispel any erroneous ideas for the people who are aware of the arrangement.
*]Even if the worst case scenario was true, and they are living together and having pre-marital relations, that fact would not invalidate the marriage. You could still be the best man.
[/list] It is best to assume someone is living their life in accordance with Church teaching, unless proven otherwise. If you find out that your brother and his fiancée are planning to engage in the act reserved for marriage, explain that marital sex is a gift and privilege given by God to the couple who has pledged a commitment to each other that is faithful, fruitful and for life. To take that gift before it is given would be a grave injustice to God, to his fiancée and even to himself. You might recommend that he read, Marriage: the Rock on which the Family is Built, by William E. May, available here.

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