Can I Date If I'm Not Totally Sure About Marriage/Religious Vocation


#1

I’m not sure if this is the right category for this…so the natural thing to do is post it anyway.:wink:

I would like to know if I feel conflicted about what vocation I have if I would be permitted to still date. I really desire a God gloifying relationship, yet I haven’t completely figured out if the religious life is for me, or married life. Would it be bad because I can’t correctly discern a very possible calling to be a sister while I’m dating? My desire is to try being in a relationship to discern married life first as I feel it could be for me.

Point is, as long as I’m trying to find my true vocation, can I date if I feel I might be called to married life, even if I may be called to religious?

If so does anyone know a nice catholic dating site where there are no overly-sexual conversations, few-to-no fake profiles and a limited amount of info shown unless you get to know them better?

I’d like a site because it’s hard to meet devoted catholic guys I find, and harder still to know who’s single and willing.

Thanks,

CotL


#2

I think you should hold off if you have any inkling that you are called to a vocation. The other person will not be interested in a vocation and may grow attached to you, and then what happens if you do get the call? It will also be a conflict for you and you might even choose to ignore what God is whispering in your ear, and cause a lot of other problems in your life. Can't you take a little time to just listen to God about this? Have you been talking to your priest? Have you done a weekend retreat with an order of nuns? Go forward as if you had really gotten the call and see how that seems to you. I don't think it's fair to anyone else to start dating with the call to vocation as a possibility.

Also, don't jump to using an internet site to date! :eek:


#3

I think the way you're supposed to do it is first determine that you are not called to the religious life, as we are all supposed to give God the first "chance". Then we discern whether we are called to marriage or not, and then to a particular person.

I agree with Juliane, I don't think it's fair to be dating people when you think you might not be called to marriage. You shouldn't date unless you know for sure you're supposed to be married.


#4

There's apparently a french word for a soul that God has given the option to choose.

I would look into 3rd orders, into what they do. I know a man who thought he was called to the priesthood and even spent a couple years in seminary but still didnt' feel quite right.

He left on his own accord much to the chagrin of the community. His spiritual advisor stuck with him as he lived the single life. He wasn't particularly discerning marriage and after six months begged his spiritual director to write a letter allowing him to attend the seminary again.

The spiritual director prayed and asked the man to give it nine more days, then he'd write the letter. In that nine days boy met girl.

When the kids were small, he struggled with crying and what have you, wishing he'd become a priest. When the kids were older he realized that he was called to the deaconate. For years, he'd been looking at religious life as an "all or nothing" deal. His seminary training kicked in and he made an excellent decon.

That, and last time I checked you can't just pick guys up at the grocery store. Though I heard the internet can be a good place.;)


#5

[quote="ChildOfTheLight, post:1, topic:244306"]
Point is, as long as I'm trying to find my true vocation, can I date if I feel I might be called to married life, even if I may be called to religious?

[/quote]

Yes, you may. Look at it as a way of discerning your vocation.

Peace

Tim


#6

If I were you, I would consult a spiritual director on this matter. If you don't have one, it sounds like you're in a place in your life where one would be very helpful!

I don't think it's necessarily wrong to date while discerning anymore than it is wrong to attend seminary or become a candidate in a religious order while you are discerning.

However, I do think one would need to be careful as to how one goes about it. If you start dating someone, not only may they form affections for you, but you may form affections for them. That could make listening to the call more difficult.

But I think this varies from person to person. That's why I think the best advice is to seek out a good spiritual director. They'll be in a better position to give you advice based on your unique personality. :)


#7

I agree with Joe about finding a spiritual director (although I have NO idea how one would do that???) but I would also agree with others who say there isn't anything wrong with dating while discerning. Dating is PART of discerning. You date to discern if that person is the right person for you (and risk hurting their feelings if they aren't) so why not date to discern if marriage is right for you at ALL?

I would be up front though and let the fellow know that you are uncertain how you are called and that you are still discerning.

Nothing wrong with internet dating! In fact it might be preferable in your case since you are still uncertain.


#8

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