Can I go to my cousin's gay wedding?


Hi everyone I need some help.
My cousin is a non-practising Catholic who has invited my wife and I to his gay wedding. I love him alot and want to show that love and respect as much as I can. Can we go? Could we go if it was just a civil commitment and not called a marriage? Is it possible to be at a wedding without “celebrating” it?



(Ave Maria)


You have two options. Either don’t go at all, or attend the reception afterwards but not the ‘ceremony.’ The former is preferable, but the latter can provide a way out as long as long as you do not, in any way whatsoever, compromise on teaching. It’s attending the ceremony that would lend credence to what is a mockery of marriage, and could lead to the sin of scandal when people think- as they may well do- that you support it.


I would tell your cousin that you love him very much, but because of your faith and belief in God’s word, you will not be able to attend. I think this leaves the door open for a future friendship with him.


If you love your gay cousin, you love him enough to tell him the truth.


The problem is that now most weddings are at one single venue. It’s not like ceremony at 2 pm here, and reception separate event at 5pm over there. It may be difficult to not attend, if there are relatives from out of town, you hardly ever see.

If you must go at all, to see out of town people, go very late, try not to see the couple. Better not to go at all.


You might consider bringing this to your priest. There could factors that we here on the forum either lack knowledge of or misinterpret their significance. Your priest, more knowledgeable than us and being able to ask the right questions, would be able to give you a more personalized answer.


Leaving aside the “gay” question, this is a very important event in your cousin’s life, and a day on which he expects to celebrate the happiness he’s found with his partner. If it were, say a ceremony of a different religion - say, Wiccan, for example - would you still be asking this question? Or if it were simply a non-religious ceremony with a justice of the peace officiating? If it were me, I’d want the people I love to come and share in my and my partner’s happiness. It’s just my opinion, but I think going will send a powerful message to your cousin that, despite your disagreements, you love him, you always will love him, and you want him to be happy.

Or, perhaps another way to put this question is to turn the tables a bit. If this were your (Catholic) wedding, and your cousin refused to attend because he’s one of those Protestants who think the Catholic Church is the “Whore of Babylon,” how would you feel? Answer that question, and you’ll be very close to understanding how your cousin will feel if you refuse to attend his wedding.


Because every situation, with it’s own set of circumstances is different, it is best to discuss this with a priest whom you trust. This is an issue of grave matter and you will most likely not find consensus here, anyway, leading to either further confusion or support for just doing whatever you wanted in the first place, which is not the same as “the right thing”. Best of luck to you!


The wedding is a pivotal & special moment in your cousin’s life.
In my eyes ,attending the wedding means you are sending a message that you love your cousin no matter your differences …It doesn’t mean God will judge you for going.
Having said that , you still need to feel comfortable and confident in your decision , others at the wedding will sense if your are regretting attending.


They will gt mad if you go to the reception only. It is not a good idea.


“Cousin, you know I love you! You also know that I am Catholic and that this puts me in a very tough spot. I am going to ask you honestly, do you want me to break with my religious beliefs or can I just sit this one out and know that we love and respect each other anyway?”

If your cousin says this is a deal breaker for him, then, you make up your mind if it is worth blowing up your relationship. I doubt he is going to not go through with the wedding if you stay home, so, the cooperation is likely going to end up remote.


Loving someone does not mean that you condone actions that are clearly very sinful. In this case, attending this gay marriage would be condoning a relationship that goes against God’s design for sexuality and marriage. And actually, God does judge our actions. So you’re incorrect in saying that God will not judge the OP. God very much judges our actions. Especially since the OP is Catholic, he knows better and therefore will be held to higher standards and judged accordingly.


Not if you’re trying to follow the Church’s teachings on sexuality and marriage. Even if it’s just a civil commitment and not a full-on “marriage,” it would still be wrong to attend because giving any sort of approval of any form of a homosexual relationship is a sin. And I don’t get what you mean about going to a wedding without “celebrating” it. Weddings inherently of themselves are times of celebration, so I don’t see how you could attend one and not be celebrating it.


Sounds like it’s time for an in person heart to heart.

I would make sure that my cousin knew that I loved them unconditionally and that I wanted the best for them. I would then explain what I thought the best was for them according to the teachings of the church. I would then explain that I could not support their union.

If after all that your cousin still wants to have you there, talk to your priest and follow his instructions.


I wouldn’t go.


Why would you want to go and celebrate your cousin’s decision to live in mortal sin and go down a path to hell? How is it even a consideration?

My second cousin did this and while we weren’t invited to the ceremony, there was a party for it another day and literally everyone went except for me and one uncle who decided to make a statement and not attend. Attending wasn’t a consideration at all for me and I wish it wasn’t for the rest of my supposedly Catholic family as well.


Or maybe the priest is one of the many problem priests out there today and would say “Sure!” without second thought. No, the answer is to absolutely boycott and not attend.


God has bigger sins and sinners to judge God is loving & attending the ceremony is an act of love.
Are my friends that get their hair cut by a gay person going to be judged for that,? Are my family members that go to a restaurant with gay servers & chefs going to be judged for that? This is a family member and not a stranger.


Agreed. I have friends who wouldn’t even attend their sibling’s wedding when he eloped and married outside of the Church. Something is clearly very wrong within the Church today when people even have to ask this about two dudes “marrying!”

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